How do you stop being so guarded in a new relationship?
There is nothing the matter with being guarded in a new relationship. It takes a very long time to know someone well. But you assess them as events unfold. And as they do, if he turns out to be a jerk, at least you had no kids with him. Don't reveal how you feel really, until you have known each other far longer than you have now. If you believe this relationship has a chance, you travel together, spend time in a tourist spa together, and later, if it is still working out, live together. Do nothing permanent until you have known each other 2 years. And, you may need to tell your parents very little of your life. From what you have written here, they are invasive. And sweetie, you are for sure, an adult. You may wish to get a session or two of counseling to see if your assessments of people is done with logic and reason. These are the four things my mom hammered into my head beginning when I was 11, and as a result, saw the traps before falling in: Read them carefully: 1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. Choose with your head as well as your heart. 2. Have no children until your bond is strong, and have no more than you yourself can support. You may just have to. And couples who are childless by choice, rate their marriages far happier than couples with children…. Remember that. You may wish to opt out of the baby thing altogether. Kids cost a fortune, not only are they hard on your bond, but they are hard on your bank account. 3. At any and all costs finish your education to qualify for those high paying jobs. It is likely that you will work sometime during your marriage, probably for decades…. Get paid for it. And remember, your kids and your education are forever…. Husbands, lovers and promises are not!! 4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you are sure you will never need it. You absolutely will, and the more the better. My mom was sooooooo correct about everything. And it may be that you are just not marriage material. That involves sacrifice, and more than anything else, trust. You appear to be unable to even trust yourself, and your own judgment, must less men
How do I stop myself from becoming cold and guarded in intimacy, and also to really gage what I’m doing wrong, since there’s no real way to know why people reject you?
When you're with someone, love, and you're trying to commit to making love. Relax,and let yourself go. Open up psychologically. When you're with someone and you're guarded, you must lower your defenses to give, what you get.
How do I become a more open and less guarded person?
It is the color of champagne gold. It is an older model with not a lot of miles. My son was determined that I have a safer more reliable car than the one I was driving.It is larger than my old car and when it comes to vehicles, I prefer grey or silver. My "new to me" car seems a bit flashy for my taste.It takes me out of my comfort zone.It definitely gives me a sense of being more open and visible.And....I have never been a pet person.Two months ago a short haired Lab took a liking to me. My new four legged friend makes it easy for me to feel less guarded because he is so open in his affection and loyalty for me.And....Three weeks ago I decided to broaden my horizons even more, and take an improvisation class to help me be less shy in new situations.I love my new dog and my improv class. I am still not sure about the gold car. It feels so big compared to what I am used to.What I love about it is that it represents the intentions of an adult child to keep me safe while on the road.Feeling loved and safe is a great thing at any age.Being less guarded and more open takes some risks.Taking new classes and getting a pet stretches my world beyond the rhythms of previous patterns.I am learning, to be more open and less guarded means doing things I have never done before while having an open mind and heart.It means being less resistant and more determined to emotionally expand while still feeling hesitant and vulnerable.It means loving myself enough to give myself the gifts that reveal more layers of my best self.That's a good thing, at any age! :)
What steps should an emotionally guarded person take to become more inviting/approachable when dealing with others?
The first step is actually healing your past wounds.Think about it this way. The person is emotionally guarded for a reason. Some things in the past has caused him/her to act this way. People think that time will heal, but it’s not often the case. The inner struggle has to be resolved before you can approach relationships again. Therapists can help because they are trained in understanding how to approach your past conflicts in an easier way & a safe space, but if you can do it yourself, go for it.After that I would encourage the individual to start building trust with a dependable person like a therapist [this is why they are helpful but expensive too] or a dependable friend to get used to a relationship first. Then when you are feeling comfortable about being accepted as a person then you can progress to build more casual relationships.Trying to trust before you are ready might backfire a lot, because the biggest fear for someone that has been hurt in the past is that they will be hurt again. If you are not accepted after they open up, you probably don’t want to open up ever again.Another possibility is that an emotionally guarded person can also just be someone that is extremely skeptical and needs others to prove their trustworthiness before opening up. People that are more guarded in general requires more time to open up, because they are more careful in giving commitments to people. There might or might not be an issue there I can’t say. I’m pretty skeptical myself.In either case, consistency is incredibly important. Consistency in reaching out to each from both the guarded person & the befriending individual to show that this relationship is actually a priority. If there is no consistency, there is probably very little hope. Depending on how guarded the person is, it could be daily to once a week.
Fellow scorpios about the whole guarded thing...?
Umm, your Q was worded rather confusingly (lol), but I'll try to answer. I am Scorp Sun and Cap Moon, so you could say that my nature is pretty damn guarded! lol. But, I will tell you that when I was younger and would hold things in, it would cause me lots of stress (because as you know, Scorpio's feelings are pretty intense). I learned over time that I had to let things out every now and then to save my sanity. Yes, I have to exhibit tact. I can't tell everyone everything I was feeling. But if I absolutely felt it was in the best interest of the relationship I had with someone to be honest with them about something, then I would. So basically, you have to decide for yourself which feelings you absolutely must make known for the sake of keeping healthy relationships, and which ones you can let go of because they are inconsequential. The ones that you deem inconsequential you should just completely discard and forget about. So instead of bottling it up, either let it out or let it go. Less clutter and less stress that way :) P.S. To those who answered after me, one of the lessons Scorpio must learn in life is to learn how to trust others and open up and abandon...not completely...but enough to truly enjoy other people and to enjoy life. Your relationships will be richer for it and so will your life. So be open to change and be open to being more open.
What makes someone guarded?
Short answer: Experience, culture and nature.Experience and culture: If the person was not that way before, it usually means that they have given up on showing feelings. If you think about it, it is not pragmatic to show emotions in many instances. A person whose behavior is guided by feelings is not perceived as in movies in real life. They are bound to be branded unprofessional, spoiled, or not taken seriously at some point in their lives. We people love classifying each other, don't we?Another possibility is that their behavior has caused them pain in the past. I have met many people who would use your emotions against you to protect themselves. Ironically, they also claimed that they had been emotional like me before and hence hurt by other people. To act without showing feelings helps in escaping cruelty. People do react much better to a logical behavioral style, because it has a natural defense mechanism.Nature: Introverted people usually seem quite guarded. They either do not mind what other people think, or mind it too much that they would rather not risk showing emotions. People do not become a certain personality type, they are born this way. You can talk to many mothers who will tell you how similar an adult's behavioral patterns are to when they were toddlers.People go a long way to form the way they behave. As I get older I get more and more careful about saying the word "never". I see that your title has very strong and harsh words like "emotionless" and "never cry". It is as if you underestimate their vulnerability. That same person might be crying at home or feeling frequently lonely or misunderstood, and you would not be seeing that from the outside.Most reserved people I know open up to kinder inquiries from people who really care about them. Who knows, maybe they are refraining from being branded. Social anxiety or doubt can cause a lot of misunderstandings. If you want to understand somebody, try to act neutral and approach them without prejudice. Show them you care.
Girl has her guard up...?
Okay me and this girl have been "together" (I'll explain the quotations in a min.) for 9 weeks now, and I have told her recently that I love her, and she told me she wasn't ready to say it back to me yet...don't get me wrong I completely understand that she isn't ready, because she has been hurt by alot of guys in the past, and she recently told me that we weren't dating, I kind of freaked out but she says she is not ready to say she is in a relationship because she is still trying to figure somethings about herself out. But recently we went to a wedding and after the wedding for the next two days, she was great! Not sexually or anything, but we would go to the beach and we would just talk and talk for hours, and then she would ask me things about when I knew I loved her and stuff like that...but the thing is she says she is definitely letting her guard down, and every now and again I ask if I am getting close to getting past that guard and she says yeah but...(to be continued)...