************ funny: read this joke! :) :)?
A tourist asked a boat guy, "Do you know Biology, Psychology, Geography, Geology or Criminology?" The boat guy said, "NO...." not any. The tourist then asked, "What the hell do you know on the face of this earth? You will die of illiteracy!" The boat guy said nothing….. After a while the boat developed a fault and started sinking. The boatman then asked the tourist, "Do you know Swimology and Escapology from Crocodiology?" The tourist said, "NO!" The boat guy replied, "Well today you will Drownology and Crocodiology will eat your Assology and you will Dieology because of your Badmouthology"
Read this joke and tell me how funny it is?
A boy from pakistan came to america with his father and went to school while in school he wanted to go to the toilet and since his english was not so good he asked his teacher may I go to the toilet(in arabic) the teacher replied "I don't know what ur saying and" and gave him an english learning dvd and told him to play it @ home and when he comes to school tomorrow he should tell her what he learned from it. So the boy walking home, didn't want to listen a boring dvd decided he would learn what he heard on the road.while walking he heard someone saying shut up(he learned it). So he continued walking then he heared some kids shouting superman(he learned it). Almost home he saw a guy coming out of Mcdonalds crossing his arms over his gf shoulder walking to his car saying c'mon baby let's go. He learned it. Next they @ school the teacher asked him teacher: so what did u learn? Boy: shut up Teacher: are u crazy who do u think u are to tell me shut up Boy; superman Teacher: follow me young man I'm going to report ur bad atitude to the principal Boy: (crossing his arms over the woman) c'mon baby let's go.
What is the most funny "out of office" you have ever read?
These are pretty funny. Don't know if they're real or not, though.I'm on vacation. If you can't reach me, please don't think I'm dead, especially if you're from payroll (if you're not from payroll, I don't really care what you think. Except you, boss). During my vacation, I will ignore most of my incoming emails. Why? Because being on vacation, I'm likely to be frolicking on a beach or something, and reading emails is incompatible with frolicking. I MAY read your email, but try not to hold your breath. If your request is important, please email me again after I return. (This is a really long one na ?) In case of an absolute emergency that requires my immediate attention, my teammates know how to contact me. Bribe them. Tell them they look beautiful. Say they look almost as attractive as me. Examples of "absolute emergency" include: You are the President, You are Elvis, You urgently want to give me a billion dollars, You discovered that I'm The One, and you must find me before the Agents to give me that "blue pill, red pill" speech, All of the above. ******Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. ****** I’m going to be out of Kansas from Sunday, August 2nd to Tuesday, August 11th. If you require urgent assistance, just double click on your ruby red mouse and tell yourself there’s no place like home. Dorothy ****** I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Loretta’ instead of ‘Anthony’ ******
Know any Funny Football Quotes ? ?
Here are some of my favorite Karma ones, well they are funny... read em. If you know some more, add them right here on this thread. "They would do well. They might get a point." - Fabregas on Spurs saying they might just get a point off the Arsenal ladies, 24 hours later in the North London derby they came back from 4-2 in that horror game to draw 4-4 making Cesc look like a ....well. I don't have the right word for that lol A lot of people, specially the United fans use this on Arsenal's young players. "You don`t win anything with kids." Alan Hansen's famous statement/quote after United's kids were beaten 3-1 at Villa park,but they went on to win the double with a team having an average age of 25 or 24. I wouldn't say its a funny quote but definitely one to write down in the crap book. "If Arsenal win the league, I`ll eat my hat.". February 1998 - Mark Lawrenson. The following season Arsenal went on to win the league. "I`m proud to say I`ve never lost against Manchester City, even back to when I was in the Youth Team here I have never lost a game against City." - Gary Neville few hours before Utd lost 3-1 to City following his mistake..hahaha that RAT "I think we can go the whole season unbeaten.", September 2002. Wenger makes himself look like an idiot saying Arsenal will go the whole season unbeaten, soon losing the first game of the season. But he made up for it with the "invincibles" next year. Ray Wilkins! How can I forget him, he must be feeling very stupid on his comments about Arsene Wenger and the way that he treated the Carling Cup. Thats about it, sorry that was too long lol Do you know any funny quotes by footballers,managers,etc ? Feel free to list down as many you want.
You're not a monk ,, Read this Funny Short Story .?
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know. I f the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk? The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk. The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth. The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, The sound is right behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, Real funny. May I have the key? The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Which is the funniest joke you read today?
One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers "Godbless Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgotabout it. The next day, the Grandfather died. About a month ortwo later the father heard his son saying his prayers again "Godbless Mommy and Daddy. Goodbye Grammy."The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was gettingmore than a little worried about the whole situation. Two weekslater, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "GodBless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn't sayanything but he got up early to go to work, so that he wouldmiss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner.Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When hegot home he apologized to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had avery bad day at work today." "You think you've had a bad day?YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD A BAD DAY!?", the wife yelled, "The mailmandropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"
If you know how to read Cyrillic, how did you learn?
Cyrillic was one of the first writing systems I learned after the Latin script used for German and English. I had a little electronic translator with 8 languages, one of which was Russian. I couldn't read it but I loved browsing through the different translations. My parents and my older sister – having grown up in the GDR – used to have Russian in school, so my mom told me how to read the letters. So I just asked, like a child, and got an answer. Afterwards I tried to read out the words (of course with a silly accent) and thus got my practice.Later I also sometimes wrote little messages in German using the Cyrillic alphabet, or transcribed texts into it, just for fun. I found this really easy and entertaining. Learning Cyrillic is no big deal.Earlier, I had dabbled a little in the Greek alphabet as well (which I found in a book) and so I already knew how to write 3 alphabets while still in primary school. Later I also learned shorthand (stenography) from my granny, but that's a different story.Later, in school, in 11th and 12th grade I even started writing my notes from class in Cyrillic, just for fun. Through all this fun practice I became fluent in reading and writing Cyrillic. But the Russian language I only learned many years later.
Need a new book to read that is funny, exciting, and has some romance.?
I have read a long way through the teen section and am looking for a new series or just a novel to read. Please don't tell me any of these books because I have already read them: -Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer -Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling -Night World series by L.J Smith -House of Night series by Kirsten and P.C Cast -Vampire Diaries series by L.J Smith -Vampire Academy series by Richelle Mead -Blue Bloods series by Melissa de la Cruz -The Mortal Instruments Trilogy by Cassandra Clare -Wake trilogy by Lisa McMann -The Immortals series by Alyson Noel -Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld -The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins -Pretty Little liars series by Sara Shepard -Perfect Chemistry by Simone Elkles -Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen -Gallagher Girls series by Ally Carter -House of Night series by P.C. and Kirsten Cast -Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini -Anything by Meg Cabot -Anything by Sarah Dessen Thanks so much for any suggestions!
Are any of Melville's other books as funny as "Moby Dick"? I know "Moby Dick" is not primarily a comedy, but don't you agree some parts are very funny?
Melville did indeed have a very droll sense of humor, as did many writers of his era. If you liked “Moby Dick” you will probably really like his short stories. Writers of the 19th Century and earlier were generally expecting their works to be read aloud at least as often as they were scanned silently to one’s self. Melville has not been exceedingly popular in recent years, and I think it is because some of his writing doesn’t “show well” without the auditory experience. Find audio versions of older authors, take turns reading aloud in groups, or slow down when reading and “hear” the words in your head. You’ll gain a whole different perspective on earlier writers.