How To Not Offend Them

Is it normal that I'm always scared of offending people and being disliked? How do I fix this?

Hi there.I am exactly like you. I am a 25 year old male who worries constantly about upsetting and/or offending others. As I’ve grown older, the worry has eased slightly (due mainly to experience and practice of interacting with a variety of different people) but the angst is still there. The worry keeps you awake at night and prevents you from ‘operating’ normally as your brain is constantly making you second-guess yourself.I think genetics and learned behaviour play a large role. My mother is a worrier and I have naturally followed her personality and mannerisms when growing up. Sometimes it’s a blessing, but more often than not, I come to consider it a curse.The inevitable truth is that, no matter how hard we may try, we cannot please everybody. Some people will look at us less than favourably, even if we have done nothing to warrant their disapproval. That is just the way the world works unfortunately. Trying to please everybody and worrying more about them than us invariably does us more harm than good. There’s being prepared and there’s over-analysing. You, like me, are probably a disciple of the latter. You’re sensitive, empathetic and considerate of other people’s thoughts and opinions.What I can probably say is, when you are answering/talking to people, know in your heart that what you are communicating is not offensive and, if the person receiving the communication takes offence, then that is their issue and not yours. It goes without saying that if you say or do something that is obviously offensive then you have no right to complain when the receiver takes umbridge, however I don’t think you’re that type of person.If it’s worrying you to the point that it’s keeping you up at night, communicate your feelings to the other person. 9 times out of 10, the receiver will not have registered any offence and will most likely appreciate your concern and consideration. We all like to know that other people are considering our thoughts and feelings as it makes us feel valued.Talking about your concerns with friends, family or even a therapist can also be a great help. Don’t worry though. It will get better with experience and practice.The very best of luck to you.:)

How do you speak your mind without offending others?

The way you phrase that question, I’m thinking, you don’t. It is not always necessary to speak one’s mind. In fact, most of the time it is not. And don’t try that, “I’m just saying the truth” bit because the truth does not always need to be said. If you do not like that women’s haircut, so what? What business is it of yours? The answer is: none.If someone is doing something you do not like, you can walk away, ignore that person, or just deal with it. You do not have to tell them.Here’s a truth that is hard for most people to hear: Most people don’t care what you think. They have no interest in you speaking your mind.Now, if something needs to be said – and remember, it usually doesn’t – you say it without offense simply by considering the feelings of others. If someone asks if you like their dress and you don’t, you can say, “What a pretty color!” or “It’s not my style, but if you like it, great! I’m happy you love it.” or any number of things that do not insult the person.Before you speak, ask yourself this question: Who wins by my saying this? Is the person it is directed to any better off? Is society any better off? Will anyone but you be glad you said it? If the answer to that question is no, then keep your mouth shut.Here’s a little secret for you: Most people don’t want your opinion. Even most people who ask for your opinion don’t really want it. They want your agreement.So, unless there is some pressing reason to say what is on your mind, don’t. And if there is a pressing reason, be nice. It is always possible.

What do you say to someone when you offended them and you don't know what you did to offend them?

If someone is treating you coldly, and brushes you off when you try to approach them, that’s a warning sign you’re dealing with a dangerous person.What you should do is obvious: approach the person, tell them that it appears to you that you did something to upset them, and ask them what it was. If they tell you, and you agree you made a mistake, apologize. If you disagree that you made a mistake, tell them how you feel, that you’re sorry if you did something to make them feel bad, but don’t take responsibility for something your conscience isn’t telling you you should.If the person doesn’t allow you to repair the relationship, and you in any way feel like you’re being manipulated, this is a serious danger sign that you are dealing with a dangerous person. Research what the characteristics of an abuser is, and make sure you’re not running into this situation, because what you’re describing is a classic example of what an abuser would do. You could be setting yourself up for a world of hurt if you start down the road of doing anything to try to make this person happy.Hopefully I’m seeing potential danger where none exists, but this is a possibility.If it’s not the case that the person is dangerous, this will be immediately obvious, because any emotionally and psychologically healthy person will immediately discern what you’re trying to do and cooperate with you to repair the relationship.

How can I be honest without offending people?

Several things to think about here. Honesty is really important, and you don't ever want to give it up. However, I think before we open our mouths, we always need to ask ourselves what we are trying to accomplish by saying something. Are we just trying to assert ourselves and be right for the sake of being right? Or is there a real wrong that needs to be righted, or some other important goal?It's good to pause before we engage our mouths, and think things through.But if we decide that speaking out is called for, then we have two more considerations to take into account. First, we need to meet people where they are. There is no point talking to people in a manner they cannot or will not understand. If they are younger, older, have biases, limitations, preconceptions, or other differences , it's best to take those into account when we talk and not demand that others just follow in our parade. Second, it's always best to be mindful and compassionate. If we take a few extra minutes to consider our words, we can find a way to be honest in as kind as possible a way. Of course, sometimes, being direct is necessary - and in those cases, plain speech is best. Simplicity is kinder than excess and flowery indirection. Kind of like pulling a bandaid off quickly, or a clear and simple apology. However, sometimes we do all of these things, and people get offended anyway. In that case, there is really nothing we can do. We just have to be content - as with many other things - that we have done the best we can.