Why are husband with a hobby considered to be selfish?
This is the situation i am in and in browning around on this site i have noticed that this is a opinion that is pretty common among wives. Before I got married I had hobbies. I did martial arts for about six years. After I got married I was told that I had more imprtant things to worry about but was grudgingly aloud to go to class one night per week. The price however was an earful the day of and the day after. eventually i quit because it was just not worth the grief. I play guitar and after stopping martial arts I started really get into playing and doing home recording on the computer. I was told I had more imprtant things to worry about because I was married.After I was married I started playing paintball with my wife's brother maybe 2 or 3 times a year and I go because my wife grudgingly lets me because she is embarrased to have her brother know that she does not want me to go but again I know the price will be an earfull the day before and for about a week after. I still go because the fun outweighs the cost. I get to play video games but she is anoyed that I am willing to wake up at 6am on sunday morning to play viseo games (or to watch tv or play guitar or surf the internet or mess around with my guns) without being bothered and acts all suspicious and says that I have a secret life while she is asleep. Thwierd thing is that she likes to brag to other people that I can do all these things she just seems to draw the line at actually doing them and I either get the earful or I get a guilt trip for having an interest outside of her and the kids. She even acts like the fact that I work over 50 hrs a week is just a way to get away from helping her at home (she is a housewife).
Should I listen to my parents in my career choice?
Biggest mistake I made in my academic life was listening to my well-intentioned dad.When it came to physics I was EASILY the Mac Daddy in my school year.But in maths, there were 3 of us that were about equal - myself and two Chinese guys. These Chinese guys work so bloody hard, but I think I had the better CPU! There was a Scottish guy that would have kicked all our arses if he tried but he was a lazy bum, fortunately.So I wanted to apply for Physics at Oxford. My dad’s response to that was “Son, don’t come running to me when you can’t get a job with your degree in physics”. Not quite a direct order, but I took it as that, so I decided to apply for Mathematics at Oxford.I got rejected.Ended up taking a year out, re-applying for Physics this time, for which I got in. 3 years later I got a job as an investment banker - an Oxford Physics degree was as good as any to get into banking or finance.My best friend at school also had a similar problem - he did relatively mediocre in his A-levels because his Asian dad told him he had to become an engineer, which is highly respected in Asian countries but not really in the UK, so he did an A-level in physics.After struggling with physics, he later decided to ignore his dad’s advice and went for a law degree. 3 years later he got a 1st class degree from the LSE, and a year later a distinction in his Masters from Cambridge. He now has an incredible career as a lawyer.The lesson of the day is don’t just listen to your parents. Aged 5 it makes sense. Aged 17 it’s not that clear-cut.
Do you think it's selfish for a man to join the military if he's already married/has kids?
Hi, I totally agree with you. I think if a husband came on here and said I have an opportunity to work in a job but it is 5,000 miles away from my wife and children, do you think I should take it, lots of people would say no. Just because it is the military doesn't mean that it is suddenly a good idea. I think if you want to be patriotic then fine, but someone choosing not to be in the military because he is married and has children has made a very wise decision indeed. Best wishes, Red Stripe
I NEVER want kids...is my lifestyle "selfish"?
That's what so many people tell me (mostly women). I'm 27 years old, college-educated, with a career of traveling around the world (I teach English in institutions abroad), and pursuing my passions in my spare time. I date for the fun of it and make friends wherever I go. However, a lot of people back home and even friends I make in the places I go, make comments based on the fact that I'm not married and I don't have kids. I don't have kids because I don't WANT them. There's already a surplus of children in the world. I'm not married because I don't WANT to be chained down like that. Why tie myself down just because it's a human norm? People always tell me I'll change my mind, when I meet my "dream man" and realize that my "clock is ticking". Auuuughhh. Why is so strange for women to not want to resign themselves to be a little housewife, put on earth solely to pop babies out her you-know-where?
Why do most parents refuse their children to do art careers but rather have them do things like medicine?
I face this dilemma right now as a parent.My daughter is 17, applying to colleges. She has a 3.9 GPA. She is good in math and science. She is bright and smart. She enjoys biology, and particularly plant and environmental science.And she is dead set on majoring in art.In particular, Graphics Media. She wants to do animation. She wants to work for Nickelodeon or Pixar. She has dreamed about this ever since she was like 12.Sigh…. What do I do?My wife takes the tack of trying to convince her to do science by involving her in science activities, being part of our family science outreach projects, and getting her involved in research. Explaining that there is so much more money in science. A good job, guaranteed, especially for someone as bright as her. Naturally, I backed my wife in this… but over the years I just don’t see it having any effect.So at this point, I’m going to support my daughter in whatever she wants to do. What’s worse, she wants to go to a small liberal arts school. While I know from my experience home schooling her in Cape Town that she will do much better in that environment, it’s still another big sigh. We are not exactly 1-percenters. We will help out as much as we can, but the costs are so outrageous these days. She is setting herself up for scrounging by with students loans and whatever financial aid she can get. This is just such a difficult path, now and into the future. There is no easy way forward unless she gets very lucky. Sure she is a talented artist, but that and $4 gets you a Starbucks.Still… in the end, it is about dreams. Yes, dreams can be irrational. Yes, it’s statistically likely that she won’t make it. Yes, I realize I won’t be counting on her to support me in retirement.But if I can’t be supportive of my daughter’s dreams while I’m still able, what kind of father would I be?[credit: Mirabai Davé]
Do anybody here regret having kids? Be honest?
So I'm in my 30's, and I've never been married, no kids, no wife etc. Is not that i don't want any kids, I just gotta find that special someone to plant my seed into.. However, I'm kind of a selfish person, and I like to be on my own and just be carefree. Recently my sister just came and visit, and she has 4 kids.. All I hear is yelling, crying, mom and dad just getting tired etc.. And honestly, I just can't wait for them to LEAVE, so I can have my peace and quiet again. There is just so much responsibilities involve with having kids... Me being a selfish person I don't think kids are for me. Sure, when they grow up to be 17 and 18 years old the responsibility is not there anymore... But they are going to bring drama into your lives and it's like CHAOS 101 again. I know I'm not a normal person for thinking this, but I guess I made up my mind... It's OK to be alone and single for the rest of your life. It gets boring but hey atleast you can go to places a parent couldn't even think of. The only downside to not having kids/family is when you go to a family party or something you can't relate to anybody there because everyone has kids, and they look at you weird for being SINGLE.. Anything thoughts from parents?