What's it like for husbands to walk away from a failed marriage knowing that they will see their kids less, but it is the right thing to do?
I fear there is never a certainty that your marriage is truly beyond repair. We all could be more selfless, more forgiving, more sacrificial. Even after having reached a point where you've decided enough is enough - maybe she cheated on you, or maybe she abused you, or maybe she just never cooked your eggs the right way - whatever your threshold, when you reach it and are ready to draw your line in the sand, your conscience still says you should be toughing it out for the sake of the kids.You hear the mantra that it's better to get a divorce than for the kids to see two people living together unhappily and have that as their model. But after you divorce, there will always be a small part that nags at you... What if I'd done x, y, or z differently? Could ours have been a story of forgiveness and a model of spiritual preserverence that ultimately showed how love could conquer all? You'll never know, and the question is just something you'll always have to live with.As men and fathers, we are supposed to protect and sacrifice for our children. But when we really believe that a split can create a better environment and more potential for success for us and for our children, then divorce can become the best of a handful of bad options. Still, you will always be dealing with the "should I have sacrificed more?" question.The upside (if I can speak from personal experience) is that there is life after divorce, and that finding a "more suitable" partner can quiet the doubts almost completely. You can eventually create a life where you have your children's respect, the love of a woman who cherishes you, have provided better opportunities and experiences for your kids in a friendly and warm environment, and you will be happy with your decision. I didn't think it was possible during the darkest moments. I wish I could go back five or six years and show despondent me a picture of life today. It's better.
What should I do if I have feelings for a married lady? Should I walk away?
Hi.I think that the answer is yes. It is hard I know but you must step out of the way, I'm sorry to say.In my case there was a woman that I met when I was 16. A summer spent at the pool, she with her friends and me with mine.I really liked her and when I moved near to where she was, I asked her out at the last minute. It had taken me days to summon the courage to ask this beautiful girl out.When she said sorry but I've already got some plans I took it mistakenly as a brush off and never phoned again.Now move forward 24 years. I go into a shop and a voice says “it's nice to see you Bill". She recognised me!We started to lunch together and one day she suggested an affair. I never went back.I thought of her 4 children and a husband, all of whom would pay the price for our “sin".Besides I wanted Noelene for the rest of my life not just for a little while. Once started I could never have let her go. I was still stupid though because I never told her why I couldn't see her.So I'll have to hope that we do better in another life or perhaps that I'll get smarter at 16.All these years later I would be with her in a heartbeat if I could. I have always thought about her through the years. Loved her.
Is modern marriage a joke?
Many people are just moving on these days rather than choosing to stick in the marriage and make it work. I don't say we should sacrifice and do everything from the other person but a few compromises here and there would not harm us. Yes, there are women who do that and there are men who deserve divorce too. In the same way, there are women too who deserve divorce. So it depends on the person. I would say - get married by all means. Its a wonderful feeling to come home to a man/woman and kids(if any). Makes life a lot easier.
How do women just walk away from a relationship?
I dont know but guys do it pretty well too.
How am I supposed to stay away from a married man when I'm madly in love with him?
For the same reason, you would stay away from a serial killer. To protect your own well-being, first. Second, because it is the right thing to do, ethically and you should love your own gender and respect their territory.When men have approached me, that’s what I feel. I wouldn’t be able to bring pain to another woman for my own selfish interests for anything in the world. AND I am SECOND TO NONE!~ I’ve never been that type of person.Also, the woman that pursued my fiance rationalized that we weren’t married so he was fair game. Even though we were engaged and lived together, even having purchased a home together.When she grabbed his junk he told her he was engaged and in love with me. She let herself be used by him, hoping he’d leave me. And use her he did, in the back of a car for lunch for a few months while we were fighting.In the end, she fell for him and begged, nagged and threatened to get me out of the picture. And she was dumped and humiliated, because due to her own self-interests, she really blamed me (who knew nothing about her) and projected her desperation and frustration at his lack of willingness to free himself up and get involved with her, on me. Supposedly, this was love to her. She could have saved her own feelings by walking away and finding someone single, but she chose this.When I learned of her finally, I told her I wasn’t going anywhere and that I knew he had been using her when we fought. She made up false allegations for a restraining order against me and once again, he humiliated her in court. In short, he was furious with her for letting me know about her.Why would you want that for yourself? If he’s really interested in you, why wouldn’t he leave his wife and pursue you? Don’t be a fool.No woman deserves what this woman experienced for trying to split us up. And even today, I sort of feel sorry for her, even though I know she would never show me the same kindness.