Do married people get crushes on people other than their spouse

Do married people get secret crushes and if so how do they handle that intense crush?

I am a happily married woman being married for more than 3 years and before that i was in relationship with my husband for close to 5 years. So technically it’s been 8 years since we have been in a committed relationship. I have had my share of serious crushes and casual ones too. The lesson i have learnt from these are please do not take these crushes very seriously if you want to continue with your present partner.

Before my marriage,I did a mistake of taking a crush of mine (a fellow worker) too seriously and even got into a relationship with him. I was about to get married to my present husband around that time and i was ready to break my relationship with him. It was the darkest phase of my life as i was destroying three lives at that time. But eventually i realized that if i have made a decision choosing the right man ,he must be the perfect one for me. That was the most correct decision i have ever taken in my life. I would have regretted if i would have got married to my crush instead of my husband.

Now present situation,i do sometimes have secret crushes i just enjoy that phase and chill. It vanishes in few days. Few rules to be followed if you dont want your crush to affect your marriage :

Dont discuss about your crush with anyone and never ever tell this to your crush
You may discuss this with your partner if he/she is super chilled in life. This may give you a chance to sparkle up your relationship and making him a little jealous ;p
Just be casual,behave normally, send your brain a constant message it is okay,never act crazy or like a 15YO teeanager girl
Never feel guilty,it is very normal human thing to get attracted to others.
Dont indulge in adultery or extra marital if you want to keep your marriage. One day the world will get to know and it will be a tricky situation to deal with. Worse if you have kids.

Eventually you will get over the feeling.

Why do married people still find other people attractive? Is their spouse not everything they need?

Some of us don't. My husband and I are both only attracted to each other, but I attribute this fact partly to our demisexuality. When partners do find others attractive, I assume it must be because attraction works differently for them. There could be a few possible reasons, some of which may be personal or cultural, but my best guess is that when it happens without any clear reason, it could be because of brain chemistry.

Call It Animal Magnetism : Studies suggest chemistry may influence which species mate for life. But people? That's where it gets tricky.

After reading about monogamous voles, vasopressin and oxytocin, I suspect that some of us are just a little chemically different, with more or less of certain chemicals that make us bond exclusively to one mate. This article suggests that the tendency for humans in general is more toward non-monogamy or serial-monogamy. While I have wondered about the role of culture in relationships, often thinking of things like sexual objectification as a possibly learned behavior, for example, I now wonder if a lot of relationship difficulties for people who are not naturally chemically inclined towards monogamy might stem from the pressure to conform to monogamous expectations. Such pressure could lead a person who forms multiple attractions to marry one person while still feeling desire for others. A person's chemistry could be at odds with that person's sense of morality, but s/he might reconcile this by acknowledging how common it is for married people to have celebrity crushes, or to find strangers sexy. As long as one is consciously loyal in whatever manner his or her partner considers loyal enough, such as by not physically cheating, it can still work out. Relationships are largely about setting boundaries that everyone involved is okay with.

I have trouble relating to how a person could be attracted to people s/he isn't in love with, but I think maybe I can understand it better through science if I keep looking for my answers there.

Do the majority of people stop loving their spouses after several years of married life?

Yes, they do. At least one divorce researcher who has extensively investigated this topic, and estimates that out of the 50 percent of married couples who don’t divorce, only 17 percent are happy in the marriage. Once might reasonably conclude that “happy” means that they still hold the same type of love for their spouse that they did when they first married.

I think that it’s possible to “love” one’s spouse in a “let’s be respectful business partners” kind of way, and that’s what most marriages are like. However, there is no sexual attraction, passion, or chemistry. There is a trade-off of goods for services, or vice versa. A man wants kids and a good mother to raise them. A woman also wants kids and a good man to pay for them. Traditional marriage is really more of a business arrangement that allows people to pass on their genetic legacy. The way one personally feels about a one’s mate is less important than if they can be trusted to raise 50 percent of your DNA into healthy, happy adulthood and future prosperity.

The majority of long-term relationships fail—couples grow apart, discover that they are not suited to each other, or stop loving each other because of one reason or another. Marriage takes a relationship (destined to fail), slaps a contract on it, and tacitly tells couples, “You have to stay together even if you stop loving this person and no longer want to spend time with them.”

That’s why unhappy married people bang on about “Love is an action, not a feeling!” Suuuuure is it. Take me on holiday to Easter Island, and damned straight I’ll “love” you. Buy me a house in Clarksville, and I’ll “love” you even more—forever, in fact.

Anyway, This Dudley Do-Right perspective of “Marriage is a lot of work!” allows most people to feel good about staying in loveless marriages.

Can a married woman have crushes on other men?

Many thanks for the A2A

I have only had one crush for another man while being with my husband, and to me that was a sign that my relationship with my husband was on the rocks at that time.

When a woman is fully loved in a way she gets it… rarely she will be in a receptive situation in which she will notice other men.

A lot of women have told me… it’s impossible not to feel attracted to other men. Well, I know this for when I was with my ex or now with my husband that if the relationship is going great and I don’t feel neglected in any way…. I know I just don’t notice other men at all. You may notice there are attractive men out there looking at you, yes, that is for sure, but you won’t feel like having or thinking about them in a sexual way or wishing you had something with them, or obsessing about them at all.

So for me, if I suddenly catch myself thinking on another guy, I start analysing my relationship as to why is that happening to me?, which needs are not being met in my current relationship for that to happen?

Perhaps I’ve been lucky enough not to find anyone all that attractive while I was at work as to develop a “crush” on someone. Must be hard if you have the guy paying you attention all day long at work and embodying perhaps traits you wish your partner had.

But if I ever felt like I’m missing out on life for not acting on that crush… in the sense that perhaps I’m feeling more with a stranger than I can feel with my husband, for me it would be a definite sign that my relationship is no longer working for me. And I would break it and let my partner find someone who is better to stay with them, as I wouldn’t feel worth their time.

Do people ever end up dating and/or marrying their crushes?

Absolutely I met my husband when I was just 14 I had a crush on him from the moment I saw him he was a bad boy and I was into that we became friends and remained so for years we lost contact for a while as we both were in horrible relationships with awful abusive partners when I finally left my ex I contacted him to hang out the rest is history we fell in love and we married 3 years ago after being together a few years we each have children from our past relationships one each and a month ago we just had a son together and it is wonderful to have a child and a happy marriage with honestly the one I knew was for me at even such a young age so yes it is very possible

Is it normal for married men to have crushes for other women, especially those much younger? At which point does it get inappropriate?

It happens often. Matthew 5:28 yeah yeah yeah ... I say committing adultery with your eyes is not a big deal, as long as all the other bits and pieces stay faithful to your wife. Especially that piece, but not only that piece. Distinguish carefully between crush and love (I'd think middle-aged men should have no trouble with this, except apparently many of them do) and continue to love your wife.

It helps if you've taken care of the recreational sex urge before getting married. I wonder how many of these so-called mid-life crises are just men who don't even know what they were missing a few decades ago and have decided to find out. Or, as an acquaintance used to say,

"May I have my mid-life crisis now, while I'm still young enough to enjoy it?"

(The right answer, for my money, would have been, “Go ahead.”) I do know what those other men were missing, because I haven't entirely missed it, so I can make an informed decision about whether to have one of those crises. The answer is, “Stop trying to turn that clock back.”

As a married person, how often do you have sexual dreams about people other than your spouse?

I don't know if I'm the right person to answer this since I'm not married quite yet but Im about to be and I've been in this relationship for quite a bit. Me and my fiancé have been apart a lot lately since he is abroad which has resultated in frequent sexual dreams and I'd say at least 90 % of them of him. It happens that I have somewhat sexual dreams of other people, many times people I'm not attracted to even and in the dream I often feel disgusted or confused by what's happening - I've even had these sort of dreams about my best female friend or family members! What I'm trying to say is that I think dreams can somehow be a lot more complicated than you think. Just because you have a sexual dream and another person other than your husband or wife is in it this doesn't have to mean you're secretely wishing to be with this other person. But if you repeatedly keep having sexual dreams of a certain person then I think that might be a definite sign of attraction.