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Husband going out late at night and on thanksgiving
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Husband going out late at night and on thanksgiving

My husband doesn't call when he's not coming home.?

Married for 3 years almost... My husband has a habit of not calling me when he's not coming home at night. We have argued about this extensively and each time he says that next time he will call. But never does. I hate waking up in the middle of the night, only to find that he's not home and there are no calls or messages on my cell phone. It's creepy/scary. This happens once every couple of months or so, and it's usually work-related. This time, when it happened, he had been working at another property of ours, cleaning out a garage, and said he would be home when he was done. I had been with him, and I left at 8:30pm. SIX hours later, I woke up (2:30am) to find him not home. And no attempted phone call. He became enraged when I got mad about it the next morning, saying that I already knew where he was. But what if he had left there and gotten into an accident or something? How would I know that he was really OK? I'm also 8 months pregnant with twins and I'm wondering if he'll continue to do this when I have infants at home. Who's right here???

Some stores will be opening late on Thanksgiving Day and staying open for the Black Friday shopping period? Do you think this is right?

No, I do not. Black Friday is wrong and should be ended. It is bad for employees, bad for consumers, and just wrong. There is no need for an event people are worried about their safety. That is ridiculous. Particularly, in this digital age. It can all be online. No need for the stores to open at all.

Now, do I think that there should be a law to stop it? No, I don’t. The people can discourage retailers all on their own - by not coming out that day. It’s that easy. Vote with your feet. They will get the message and change.

Wife staying out late?

Honestly... I wouldn't worry about it. I'm married 4 years with 2 kids and every now and then I have a girls night out where I don't come home until the sun comes up. It's not that she doesn't want to be with you, its just that some times we need time for ourselves. I would however be upset that she didn't call - that is not right. I always call my hubby at least once or twice to let him know things are ok and what time I think I'll be home. I would let her know that its fine if she wants to go out, but at least CALL to be sure shes ok so that you dont worry yourself sick.

And don't listen to Peter N - I have never cheated on my husband, and I dont go out looking for attention from other men. I go out to enjoy time with my friends, have a few drinks, and dance the night away. A girls night out has NOTHING to do with scoping out the men and hoping they're scoping back. Thats just ridiculous.

Celebrating Holidays without your spouse?

Hi Gabby,
It is so easy to succumb to societies expectations and beliefs of how families "should" spend their holidays. However, with each generation we are seeing more and more families spending the holidays apart. In some people's eyes this is a bad thing, however, you cannot base your beliefs and actions around what others think. To do so would have you living your life for them instead of yourself. If each of you came back relaxed and you are happy to see each other and the separation didn't cause any dissension between the two of you, I think it was a great Thanksgiving for the both of you.

You and your husband are the only two people who are able to dictate how you are to spend your holidays and if you two are happy, I say go for it and have a happy marriage and a great life.

My husband called me this last night. I feel like he doesn't care anymore ?

I've been sick for about a week with body aches, upper respiratory infection..yesterday being thanksgiving, I pushed myself and had previously commited to volunteer to help serve/plate meals for the needy so I had to go. Afterwards, me and my husband went to eat out. I didn't really feel up to it but did anyway do not to ruin everyone's day. I started losing my voice yesterday right before dinner. I woke up this morning with my voice completely gone. No sound at all. My husband worked an 11 hour shift today and I was home alone feeling very bad and couldn't communicate if I wanted to. He came home finally, he took me to eat but I was not in a good mood. Couldn't talk, felt drained /fatigued etc. We came home, he watched something on tv..I saw somethin on the news I wanted to see at 10 pm. I asked him to turn over the tv to 007, well whispered it and made hand motions., he kept plaing with me saying 700? 020 etc..I wanted him to hurry ., I grabbed at the remote and he held it up to his chest and refused to give it to me..I got mad, threw my cell phone out of frustration ..I know, dumb..but I was pissed! He got up and picked up my phone and told me what an idiot I was. He went in the bedroom and slammed the door. I went in and I was whispering all this stuff ...ugh.. I said why are you acting this way..blah blah blah., he pouted and just gave me dirty looks. I left the room and slammed the door..he called me a *****, two or three times..ignorant ***** etc...and he threatened to leave. Said he was tired of me and how he's treated ...I lost my job due to no fault of my own in August..I was sick and needed a blood iron infusion and my company let me go cuz they said I had missed too many days of work. I filed a charge against them with the EEOC . Everytime my husband gets pissed, he says I can't hold onto a job. That's not true., I've had bad luck with jobs but I'm a good worker. His mother didn't even work when he was growing up.

My husband goes to the bar every night after work and can't understand why this bothers me.?

We are in our mid 30's and work opposite shifts. I work 8:30-5:30 and he works 3-11:30. I am normally in bed before he is off work. He goes to the same bar every night after work. He was a truck driver for over 10 years and we live in an entirely new state, so he has had a rough time making friends. I have found a few friends and do things with them once a week or so. I go to the gym daily after work and then take care of the kids. He takes care of the kids until he leaves for work in the morning. He does not understand why it bothers me so much that he goes to the bar EVERY night after work (except Fridays because he works until 2:30am that night). I don't care that he goes or that he is trying to make friends, but I think twice a week is plenty. He thinks I'm being controlling and sees no reason to come home after work if everyone is already in bed. Any thoughts on how we can compromise on this?
I will add that I offered to wait up for him 2 nights a week so we can spend a little time together. And he is going to start volunteering at the homeless shelter I guess pretty soon too, so he really is a good guy and I do not believe he is cheating (I know all the bartenders). I think he has just been lonely for so long that he is going out now that he can, but it still eats at me and I get angry about it. Ok, now any thoughts?? =)

When is to late for a husband/wife to come home?

Yes, I think so. Naturally if you work overnight or out of town you can't be home every night. Otherwise I don't think there's any reason to stay overnight anywhere. The only time I've not come home is a couple of nights where I was at work and it snowed. Rather than risk the 60 minute (in clear weather) drive home to my country home, I went home with a girlfriend who lived nearby. My husband expects me to come home after work, and I expect him to be there. Sure there are times we do things apart from one another. But most of the time we prefer to be together. Maybe that's weird or unusual, but I'd rather be with him than anyone else in the world. And frankly I feel that once you are married, you become one. You are still an individual, but you have a responsibility to that person you married. They are your life partner and deserve to be put first in all things. You simply can't go out and party all night alone...you aren't single any more.

My husband goes out for happy hour till late at night and never has invited me to meet his coworkers. why?

does he take you out for a drink or dinner sometimes, by yourselves?
if he does, you can point out that he is going out more with his workmates than with you and you would like to change that.
if he doesn't, you can say that it would be nice if the two of you went out sometimes by yourselves.
please note, that means NO KIDS.if he is getting away from anything, it is probably being the one who is responsible for kids, wife, house, bills etc.that is, a FAMILY MAN. Guys can get a bit sick of it.
going out may involve just a hamburger and a movie, a walk around the lake, a swim at the beach, whatever, but is has to be just the two of you.
Or, he can include you occasionally in his going out with workmates.
start today, look for a reliable babysitter.

My boyfriend wants to go out with the boys on christmas?

Sometimes boyfriends can be stupid. Don't bother getting too upset with this. It might be a traditional thing that he has been doing with his friend for some time. The studid part is that he sprung it on you this late in the game.

Relationships are about being able to work around these little blips on the radar screen. Yes, he will do stupid things and he will continue doing some of them. The secret of a working relationship, is that he accepts some of your bad habits and he accept some of yours.

Best suggestion is to ask him about the time he will spend with his friend. But do not be too nosy. Get to know this tradition. It might not be fun, but it might be important to him.

My Husband goes out every Friday night to bars, sometimes different ones by himself. He stays gone until 2. ?

Hey, lady...

The sad truth is this man isn't in the mood to be married. Respectful married men do NOT tell their wives they cannot go out with them on successive weekend nights. They do NOT go to bars until 2 A.M. every Friday, especially alone. They don't leave you weekend after weekend to fend for yourself. And I tell you what -- when you're married, you shouldn't have to "get away" from the wife you supposedly love so routinely.

If he's getting away, what is he getting away TO?

Your guy needs a kick in the head. While I think that showing up at the bar will result in nothing less than drama (and, frankly, maybe something you don't want to see), it's always an option if you're game. You just hafta be prepared for the worst.

I myself would probably take a little more subtle route, and simply tell him that his behavior was not at all like that of a married man, and that if he didn't take me with him next time he went out, he had a lot of explaining to do. And stick to it. Insist on accompanying him all next weekend, and if he has any qualms, insist on knowing why. Don't let him leave alone without giving him the ultimatum that you might not be there when he gets back.

A man should not treat his wife this way, and you should be wary if this behavior continues once you address it directly. If it does, you can either tolerate it (don't do it!), seek counseling for both of you (recommended), seek counseling just for you if he refuses to go (second best option), or tell him you can't stand it anymore and you're out (drastic, but an option you can't forget you have...his actions are essentially abusive).

I wish you the best of luck. It might be hard, but you must be strong and demand the respect from your husband that you deserve, or come to terms that there is some reason he's choosing not to give it to you. Don't tolerate a life of worry and loneliness -- you're worth more than that. :)

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