I ve been married 18 years and feel like I revolve around my husband

Well let me see ive been married 18 years and now my wife says shes unhappy sometimes and i dont know why?

Ive been married 16 yrs. paying her bills and bending over backwards for someone doesnt always fill the gap. about 10 years into my marriage i felt so lonely, just want to be held. its a feeling I dont know how to explain. Its like longing for something and not knowing what your longing for. It may be her own feelings, but it hurts you too. But dont give up on her just yet. It may not be another man, It may just be something she can work through. She many be feeling like she has been married forever and just needs some running space. If this is what it is, give her that space. Holding her back is only going to make it worse. You have been married for this long, she surely knows where to draw the line and not cross it.

I ve been married 18 years and feel like I revolve around my husband.?

Go get a life of your own- not necessarily a divorce, but something to do that doesn't revolve around your husband or your son. You need a life of your own, some hobby and friends to do things with, so you aren't being kept in a house simply for the purpose of waiting on these guys. A fuller life will help you not to focus on when your husband comes and goes, and will also help you gain perspective about how happy you are there at all.

Start by taking walks with a friend. Some exercise out of the house will help you produce more endorphins, which will help with the slight case of agoraphobia or clinical depression it sounds as if you may be fostering. Talking things over also helps to gain perspective. But get out more, and get some help, so you can decide what will help you be healthy. No matter what your husband is doing on those trips, you still need to stand on your own two feet, so start there.

Separation? Good or Bad? My husband I have been married for about 18 years ...?

should u leave him for now?
well i mean the question should be , should we just leave each other for good up ? I mean lets look at the reality of the situation , and not to say that its not possible to separate from someone and then coming back together , but seriously , u are saying that u want to buy a house in your name , by URSELF! and he is saying that he would like to have his OWN life , i mean its sounds to me as this is just an excuse to eventually leave each other , Lets think about this rationaly. You will have your own everything , eventually will u want to start dating , Yes , and so will he . I feel that if you both love each other and feel that you want to be with each other then you should try to work it out , but then again it seems like you have both tried. So maybe its time to move on , i mean it makes no sense to do all of this running around " should i leave him for NOW" i mean do u have faith that both of you will work it out , i am very sorry if i sound harsh , its just that it seems as if your are blinding yourself to whats reality.

I have been married for 3 years to a wonderful guy but he is also extremely lazy?

Ok here is the situation. I have been married for 3 years to a wonderful guy but he is also extremely lazy. When we I work but a year later when we had our little one I was a stay at home mom. I took care of everything the whole house and the baby he only had to help me on weekend by getting up with the baby so I can get a little extra sleep. Well we our baby turned one I went back to work full time. Now that his company isn’t so busy I am always working a lot of overtime sometimes 12 hour days and most weekends (not always 12 hours on weekends though). So by the time I get home I’m exhausted and because with my job I’m on my feet all day I just want to relax when I get home. The problem is I was hoping when I started working my husband would step up and help more around the house. The only time he does anything is when I complain and get upset. Every day I walk through the door from work and he is playing X box. He refuses to cook at all and he waits until the garbage is in 3 trash bags before he takes it out. We have a cat (I hate cats so this is his cat) he never changes the cat litter. I can’t trust him to do laundry because he doesn’t sort anything so my whites come out looking blue, black, or pink. When he cleans, he half clean he might do the dishes but anything that needs to be hand washed he will leaves in the sink, and never wipes down the counters. Our daughter never really get attention from him but every once in a while because he plays his games so often and the same with me he never wants to spend time with me. He has more fun with his games and spends 90% of his free time on the X Box. At this point I’m lost. We need the extra money I bring in with my overtime but I can’t keep relying and fighting with him about helping me. I try to talk to him and ask him to help before I ever get mad or show my anger. He might help or get off his game for a few days but he goes back to his old ways. I am losing my husband to X Box and I feel like I have lost him. I’m open to any suggestions how to fix this. The worst thing is he knows he plays too much but he continues to do it. I need help with my home and my marriage.

I feel i am in hell... step daughter is ruining marriage?

she is 8 years old VERY manipulative and very out of control. it is at the point that i do not want to stay in this marriage but i do not feel as though it is fair to my husband. aside from her she also has a sister and a half brother (he is mine) this child wants EVERYTHING to revolve around her and if it dosent then she makes everyones like a living hell just to get the attention. we have been through therapist after therapist, we have tried individual counseling, basically you name it we've done it. she is on medication because she has been diagnosed with adhd and oppositional defiant disorder. her behavior is getting so bad that it is starting to affect my son (he is 2 years old). she will sit there and say things like "i want to kill mysef" then he will repeat it, she also hits herself so he does the very same thing. i want to leave SOOO badly, i want to leave and take my son with me but it devistates me to think of leaving my husband and my younger stepdaughter all because of how the 8 year old is acting. i am at my wits end with all of it and trying to have a relationship with her impossible. i have been with her since she was 3 years old and YES i am sure that not having her mom around her 24/7 is a big part of the problem. i am a stay at home mom so i am around this all day every day and i feel as though i am losing it, my patience with her is wearing thin i do not know what else to do. currently she is enrolled in a hospital for partial patient (she basically goes to school there). the hospital thought she was making a turnaround but after they heard her screaming fit this morning they now know differently. she will go to this hospital and act one way then come home and act totally opposite. i cannot wait until i turn 35 (if i am still married by then) because by that time she will be 18 and out of the house! i do not know if i can wait that long though... i am 26 now. please any information is appreciated. please i do not need anyone telling us to go to therapy or anything like that TRUST ME weve tried it! well thank you... hope to get some advice

How does a man,divorced after a 17yr marriage (cheating wife)trust women so he can have a normal relationship?

By realizing that not every person is untrustworthy. Sadly, you(and I), had a long term marriage, and thought things were OK, or even good. Then, the poop hit the fan, and we both ended up divorced. Sucks big time. But, it wasn't "women" it was people. Because our wives slept with other guys. So, it's a male and female problem. OK. Now, you can stay alone, bitter, and untrusting. That way, you won't be hurt by another woman. But, is it worth it to be safe, by giving up on marriage? To "settle" for safe? It does work, I'm sure, but life isn't, and never has been "safe". And, life shouldn't be safe. Life, and marriage is both an adventure and a journey. So, tell yourself that you married the wrong woman, and live your life. But, don't rule out marriage. I found out my ex was cheating, after 17 years of marriage. I'm remarried now, and we'll celebrate 15 years in June. My life today is better than I ever expected. Your life, from this point on, is up to you. So, choose to have the faith in people to take another shot, assuming you meet another woman you care about. You might end up as amazingly lucky as me. Look at this as a new opportunity, a chance to meet the woman that can actually be your life partner- and now, you have the advantage of meeting mature women, who are adult, and have experienced enough life to understand the things that matter.

Married ladies, do you ever sometimes think you hate your husband?

Regular? Maybe. Healthy? No.

I usually don't recommend books because I hate it when people recommend them to me, but I honestly wish I could buy "Love & Respect" for every married (and engaged) person I know. So try and hear me out...

It states that a woman's driving need is to feel loved and when she feels loved she feels happy. A man's driving need is to feel respect and when he feels respected he is happy. When a woman feels unloved she acts out disrespectfully to her husband, and when a man feels disrespected he acts out unloving towards his wife and the crazy cycle begins.

If this is setting off any light bulbs for you read on...

"I wrote this book out of desperation that was turned into inspiration. As a pastor, I counseled married couples and could not solve their problems. The major problem I heard from wives was, "He doesn't love me." Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Many husbands fail to deliver. But as I kept studying Scripture and counseling couples, I finally saw the other half of the equation. Husbands weren't saying it much, but they were thinking, "She doesn't respect me." Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver. The result is that five out of ten marriages land in divorce court (and that includes evangelical Christians).

As I wrestled with the problem, I finally saw a connection: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love. Around and around it goes. I call it the Crazy Cycle - marital craziness that has thousands of couples in its grip."

I am not even half-ways through the book and workbook, and while my husband is not studying the material with me it has already worked miracles in my no-longer-failing marriage.

If you do believe in God I highly recommend this biblically based book. It's not a "religious freak" book or anything but it's nice to know that it is based on things in the bible and not just some theory or pop psychology book, and it's been a #1 seller for over 2 years now... it's working for thousands of couples!

How long is too long to wait for your husband to participate in working on your marriage?

We have been married 18 years and dated a year before getting married. We had alot of fun together when we dated and he communicated openly with me. When we got married i was immediately pregnant and had brought a 1 1/2 year old into the marriage, whom he loved! After we married he completely changed. No more communication, leaving me at home and he was out partying or playing sports all the time. Over the years and a total of six kids later he has now told me (a year ago) that he cares about me but is not in love with me any longer and just can't get the feelings back. His broken record response also includes that we have nothing in common but the words divorce never leave his lips. I have too been extremly unhappy most of the 18 years but would have good periods of time and have hoped things would change. Basically I have grown and matured and he still just wants sports and drinking parties/bars. I used to be his party girl and haven't been able to drink for 11 years now plus I have no desire for that scene. I have gone so out of my way to fix things and have tried to get him to various means of counseling but he does nothing but insists he doesn't want a divorce. How much longer should I deal with this mental and emotional abuse? I really don't want to get a divorce!