How do I get out of spending Christmas with my family?
I refuse to spend Christmas with my Grandparents. I moved recently and had a bit of a panic attack when my mother told me that she’d given my Grandparents my address (the fact that they didn’t have my new address wasn’t an accident or oversight, I promise.)I was still getting dead-named and misgendered by my grandparents after I’d had top surgery. I’m sitting there at the table thinking “do these tits look like they belong to a ‘smart young man’?” and “are you that fucking blind?” The real answer is that they either don’t care or they’re being deliberately cruel. Fuck that. I gave them more than enough chances. I’m done, door closed.How do you get out of it? You don’t owe your grandparents a word. Not one. Not a single damn thing. If there’s pressure from the rest of the family, and if that’s family that respects you, you can always offer something like this: “Hey, I know you’d like to see me at the family thing for Christmas but I just can’t be there around my Grandparents… I’d love to spend some other time with you for the holiday though, do you have time for something in the morning / on another day?”Or don’t.You don’t owe anyone a damn thing. Don’t let them make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself and avoiding people who are hostile and toxic. It sucks that those toxic people cost you time with the parts of your family that you love… I’m right there with you and I’ll cry over it this Christmas again, just like I did last year. It’s okay to cry and it’s okay that it’s painful. It sucks, and it’s okay to hurt because it sucks, but don’t beat yourself up over it and don’t blame yourself for staying away from someone else’s hate.This Christmas, like last one, I’ll spend time with my wife and with other parts of my family of choice. I’ll miss some of my blood kin but I won’t miss my family.Good luck, take care of yourself and remember: You don’t owe them a damn thing. Take care of yourself.
Should I spend Christmas with my family?
You should go. Christmas is mostly about spending time with family and friends anyway. Plus, you could strengthen the bonds and come closer with your family that maybe next time they invite you to something, you wouldn't feel as awkward.
Should I spend Christmas with my family or my boyfriend's family?
Once a relationship is set, you will always need to do some compromises around the holidays. For us, Thanksgiving is about my daugher, my husband and me. For Xmas, we try to do both families because they are in the same town (as each other not same as us). Usually that works out to a few days before or after Xmas for my husband's family and the actual Xmas with mine. Doesn't always work out, but you have to compromise.If he has spent the last two Dec 25th with you and your family, it seems only fair that you spend one Dec 25th with his, even if it means posponing the Xmas gathering with your family. I'm sure you'll get there sometime; it's not like you are forgoing it altogether, right?How often does a person get to go to another country for Christmas?I'd say go with him.
Should I not spend christmas with my family?
This Christmas, I really don't want to spend it with my family, I am always misserable and bored. But my dad really wants me to spend it with him and his girlfriend and her 2 kids. But I know I'm not getting anything, and I really really dont want to sit and watch my step brother get his Wii and laptop, and my step sis get her car, ps3 and digital camera. Maybe i'm greedy idk. I always get EVERYONE presents every year. This year I just asked my dad and step mom if I could get soemthing Hello kitty, just something cheap and they said they already spent there limit. This year, I am trying my best to help out less fortunate children. idk I guess I just dont think that it iis fair that I have to sit and watch everyone get awsome presents when I cant even get something cheap. I guess I'm just greedy. But do you thinkn I should just suck it up for another year and go with the people that dont really like me...or put my foot down and not go. Please dont bash me.
Is it okay to not spend Christmas with my family this year?
Its really hard to answer this question, as the answer appears to be predicated in large part on why you dislike Christmas so much and why you believe your family has “"expectations “ of you. Generally speaking, you and your husband’s responsibility is to your family - that is, each other and your children - first and foremost… not your parents, not your siblings, not your extended family, and certainly not your friends.With that said, whatever decision you make, you must be prepared to deal with the fallout. What that fallout may consist of varies largely by culture, religious beliefs, family traditions and expectations, and a number of other difficul-to-calculate variables of which only you and your husband know and must contend with.
Should i spend christmas with my family or boyfriend?
My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 months, this will be our first Christmas together. My sister, her husband and my nephew are going out of state to visit my dads family who I haven't seen in six years. I was able to get off work last minute to go along, but my sister says the rental car they've gotten is too small. So basically I can come but my boyfriend would be an overcrowd. Everyone seems to think I'm being immature because I want to spend our first Christmas together, rather than spend it with my grandmother who is getting older but also doesn't call all that often. For the record my boyfriend says I should do whatever makes me happy but would of course be sad if we were apart. What should I do, I'm so torn? Am I being immature like everyone says? Advice please!
Should I spend christmas with my family or with my boyfriend?
Family should come first, but because you have a bad relationship with your father and you are getting married in 2 months, he and his family are your family, too. He already has plans for you. I say go with him and call your family on Christmas to wish them a Merry Christmas. Maybe both of you could stop by your family's house the 24th real quick or sometime Christmas Day. My family is in Michigan (I'm in south Alabama), so I will be spending Christmas Eve and Day with my boyfriend and his family. I will be talking to my family Christmas morning for at least an hour.
Should I spend Christmas with my family or my boyfriend's family?
If you made a promise, you should keep it. However, Christmas is OVER A MONTH AWAY (very early to be even thinking about it, actually). Negotiate with him in about a month or so and figure out what he'd want to do. Perhaps, both families can spend Christmas together. I mean, if you truly love him, you may marry him soon, and that's what will happen in your later years each Christmas.But if this doesn't work, I would say spend the first half with him and second half with your family, just to make things easier for you distance/driving wise. If you'd like it the other way, that's fine. If you want to do this on separate days (Christmas eve and Christmas), that would work too, but you have to figure out who's family is on what day (I recommend your own on Christmas day) It's ok if this doesn't work out at all, you still have other options. Just make sure that everyone is happy.
Should I feel guilty about not spending Christmas with my family?
Okay, here's the story. For the past few years my family has made my husband extremely uncomfortable and they've gotten him to the point where he's been brainwashed to think no one could ever love him or genuinely care about him and that he's going to be a failure for the rest of his life. (he's done well in our hard circumstances-we had to live with them for awhile when we were trying to get back on our feet-but my parent's have a tendency to beat people down to feel better about themselves) We've just recently moved, after many fights with my parents who didn't want us to move. (They told us they couldn't deal with us and wanted us out of their house and that their lives were on hold as long as we were around but when we finally told them we're moving back across the country they flipped out and tried to guilt us into staying as much as they could) I've suffered a lot with my family. They've always been able to guilt me into doing whatever they wanted me to do yet they always make me feel like the worst person in the world. I'm finally getting back to being happy and figuring out what I want out of my life. Every night my mother calls to talk and we end up in a fight where she says I don't want to live away from her really and my husband's just manipulating me and she knows best what I want. And I always end up in an extremely horrible mood afterward. I'm spending Thanksgiving with my husband's family on the west coast which my parents and the rest of my family back east are not happy about. I don't want to spend the money to go back east for Christmas only to be upset and hurt by them and to get into fights (my in-laws are extremely stable and have helped me cope with my parents) and my mother-in-law would like to spend Christmas with us for the first time ever. My mother has brain washed me into feeling guilty for even moving away from her and her guilt trips have done so much damage that I don't know how I should feel for myself. Is it wrong of me to want to spend Christmas away from that animosity and just have a nice calm Christmas with my in-laws for the first time? I know my entire family will be disappointed but I'm not the only person in my family that doesn't show up at Christmas or any holidays and it seems that I'm always the one who has to make the effort to be there otherwise I'm a horrible human being.
Should I spend Christmas with my family or my girlfriend's family?
Hey, I completely understand where you're coming from. I've been wondering something similar. My situation is a little different, since my relationship slipped into a funk. (It is on the repair, however! And we're doing great.) It's difficult to say whether or not she has a right to be angry with you. What I mean by that is you can't really change the fact that she's angry.You didn't respond to her in a wrong manner. Christmas is for families. In that respect, there has to be a little give and take in a relationship. I'm not sure how old you are, and it doesn't particularly matter. She's going to have to grow up a little, and realize that your family is as important to you as hers is to her. In that respect, she also needs to know that she's important, too. If you've told her this, and she doesn't believe you, then you should probably cut ties with her.If she's willing to listen to reason, then perhaps you two could plan a little "Christmas" together, even if it's not on Christmas Eve/Day. For example, my girlfriend and I are getting together on Thursday (12/27/12) to spend "Christmas" together. She had her family get together on Christmas Day, and I had mine the Saturday before Christmas. Neither of us spent any of that time with the other's family. This wasn't a problem for us. It doesn't mean you love your significant other any less just because you're not side-by-side for Christmas Eve/Day. Many people can't spend the holidays with their girlfriend/boyfriend.In point, try talking to her. Reason with her if you can. If you can't, calmly tell her to contact you when she's willing to communicate with a level head. Relationships are all about communication. Plan a "Christmas" together after your respective family celebrations, and go out just the two of you. Have dinner. Exchange gifts. Do whatever it is you want to do that day, and enjoy each others company then.Hope that helps and isn't too late! Merry Christmas!