I gave him an ultimatum. How long should I wait for him to make a decision?
I know this section is for marriage,it just seems that the single section is full of teenagers (I am 30) and I need mature answers,,,thank you in advance. We have been hanging out at least 2-5 times a week for the past 5 months. Its like we're a couple,only we have no title. He has mentioned us being in a relationship then just never brings it up again. A few days ago I asked him does he want to be in a relationship or just friends? The next day he told me,"its going to happen sooner then you think" but hasn't mentioned it again.....How long do I wait for him to make a decision???....He claims that he has a hard time trusting women because of his past. Thank u,I appreciate any input.
Was Emily's ultimatum of Ross justified?
Thanks for the A2A Rachel Bileste !Is Ross sleeping with Chloe, giving the reason ‘We were on a Break’ justified?Though Emily’s ultimatum of Ross is not as complicated as the ‘We were on a break’ situation, I would say it is all about picking sides.Firstly, I would like to point out a few thingsEmily broke up with her boyfriend in London to be with Ross.Emily was giving up her beautiful and happening life of London to move to United states for Ross.Ross, on the other hand, blurts out Rachel’s name at his wedding with Emily.Ross keeps mentioning that he did not want to get divorced for the second time before he turned 30. But, he never said he wanted to never let go of Emily because he loves her.Emily was all sweet until Ross takes Rachel’s name instead of her’s at their wedding.I would not say what Emily asked for was ethically correct. But, I would say that it is justified.Come on! Now let us take a moment to put ourselves in Emily’s shoes.Your husband/ fiancée blurts out someone else’s name instead of your’s at your own wedding, how would you feel?Unless you are a true believer of the unconditional love theory, a semi - possessive, semi - jealous partner that you are would be devastated inside to hear that on the most important day of you life. She sure might forgive him but not forget what he has done. So, It makes sense of her to do what she believed had to be done to win Ross.However, I think asking Ross to give up his friendship with Rachel was a little too much on Emily’s part. But again, I don’t think Emily (or any person in Emily’s place for that matter) would have had the strength to accept Rachel into Ross’s and her life.In short, It’s all about picking sides.P.S: In terms of taking the story forward, Emily’s ultimatum is completely justified, as it would have been very difficult for the writers to break Emily and Ross apart in the later stages if not for Emily’s ultimatum.P.S: Readers, Please don’t judge me by my answer. Well, I guess you can judge a little. :P
I gave him an ultimatum. I plan to stick it, and need support. Did I make the right decision?
I started dating him in 2001. We're both divorced, and we both have grown children. Im a professional, and he is going to retire in the next 2 yrs. He asked me to marry him in 2003, and backed out of it when his ex wife cried when she found out. He said he didn't love me and made a mistake. I stayed strong, and he came back around, and we continued to date. We talked about marriage, but he would never propose, so it just never happened. His daughter told me he would never marry me and I should just move on. I thought she was just a jealous 25 yr old who had issues. I continued to stay strong. I lost my ability to have children and have gone from 36 yrs old to 47 yrs old in this time. We bought a home together, and it was my understanding we were going to marry. Its 2 yrs down the road, and we are not married and he told me it was because of all the changes I needed to make before he could ask me. I finally decided he is getting his cake and eat it to. He doesn't mind the sex, the clean house and clothes, the way I cater to him, but I am not marriageable. I see it as a line of ****. Im not getting younger, and I am not going to be talked down to, so I said,,,either marry me by the end of 2012, or I am leaving. I am extremely upset, and I just can't take it anymore. Should I hire an attorney to get out from under this house? Did I do the right thing?
"Weed or me" ultimatum?
Before my boyfriend (who's 24) and I started dating, he knew that I strongly disliked and disapproved of weed. Out of curiosity when I asked him how he felt about weed, knowing my negative feelings about it, understandably he lied about it. 3 months ago, he finally confessed that he smoked weed, but little did I know how much. He smokes using a bong everyday and packs about 4 bowls a day. I honestly can't stand it, and it makes me sick. Some of you might say "Well don't be around him when he does it". Well that's kind of hard when we both live together, and even if I left the room, it leaves a VERY strong aroma through-out the house and I can hear him clicking away at the lighter every few seconds. Last night I gave him an ultimatum, me or the weed. He doesn't think it's fair and thinks that if I loved him I wouldn't leave him over something so small. I think that if he loved me and if he knew that this could ruin our relationship he would stop without hesitation.
Should I give boyfriend ultimatum, porn or me?
Ok, I will make this short and sweet. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. I moved to another state to be with him and his new job. Our relationship was so steamy at first but the last few months have really slowed down. He was completely honest with me when we met and told me he was sexually abused by a neighbor when he was young, has been with numerous escorts/prostitutes, massage parlors, etc. Since we have been together, I know he has not done any of those things. All of our bills are combined and I can see everything he does if I wanted. But.... He watches porn all of the time. I really have no problem with occasional porn even if used as a couple to spice things up. Sometimes guys need a release especially if we are away from each other. My big problem with the porn is that it is several times a day, when I am home he will sneak off to the bathroom sometimes for an hour or two. It got to the point where we were barely having sex. I confronted it with sincerity and asked him to please curb his appetite for porn because I felt it was interfering with our relationship. He got angry and would not discuss it. He started looking at it at work. He still does not want to be intimate like we used to. Now, he cannot get an erection. I am planning on marrying him in November. He admitted the problem but I do not think he has stopped. He refuses counseling. Should I give him an ultimatum? Me or Porn?
Should I offer an ultimatum to my friend who is struggling with addiction or will it make things worse?
Never offer an ultimatum. Never.Until you’re absolutely familiar with what he’s going through, what he feels and how he’s coping with the effect, you have no right to do anything except be there for him if he asks you.Addiction is what it is. It makes no choices, it knows no class distinction, it chooses people at random.These people are not to be judged or labeled or held accountable.Unless you can offer a fool-proof solution and cure to this addiction anything else you may assume may just tip him over the edge.
What ultimatums have you given in relationships?
I’ve been in polyamorous relationships where someone’s other partner had a really bad effect on me. One girlfriend had a girlfriend who I’d previously dated, that I’d broken up with for repeatedly ignoring my boundaries in bed, bringing up a flood of unresolved triggers. Whenever my girlfriend brought me around her, I’d try to smile and be cordial, while wanting to scream and not fully understanding why.Later, a boyfriend had a girlfriend who was a serious heroin addict, always in trouble, and who often contacted me to complain that I wasn’t welcoming her into my life “like a sister.” (She didn’t quite follow when I attempted to explain that family in general, and sisters in particular, are another point that make me flinch. She also resented that I was so judgmentally anti-heroin, and couldn’t see what the hell ONE dead friend had to do with anything.)These are the occasions when what seemed to me like maintaining my sanity seemed to the other party like a manipulative ultimatum: “I can’t stay in the same relationship with X, so if you’d like to keep dating her, I’m going to have to bow out.”In both of these cases, this caused a lot of anger and resentment for what they saw as me trying to force them to break up with someone. But I expected to be the one leaving, and had simply given them an option; people also get upset when you don’t communicate why you’re walking away.I really don’t understand people sometimes. This is why I try to keep things casual, until someone invents an affordable sex robot. My sexbot Llanto’s girlfriend Siri won’t expect anything from me, and I might even be able to program it to carry on conversation and make me coffee.
Has being given an ultimatum ever helped someone drop an addiction?
Ultimatums are like trying to shoe horn someone in a direction they are adamant they don’t want. The only person who will lose is the person offering it. Its a show of lack of understanding of the person and the problem, and of frustration as a last ditch effort etc.A better option is to try to understand what the person is suffering with, and connect with them then see when the opportunity for needed help arises you can be there. It is also less frustrating.
Gave my boyfriend an ultimatum- me or drugs- how long do i wait?
Louise, Honey - I know this is incredibly hard for you! I had an ex who was addicted to cocaine. I know he loved me a lot, but he physically and emotionally could not stop the cocaine. He was putting himself and me in danger. This was while we were in college, and his drug dealers would swing by campus, and new I was associated with him - so they knew if something went wrong, to come after me. I would physically see them creeping up on me every now and again, and I was utterly scared. Your boyfriend loves you, and of course, he *wants* to make things work with you. His crack addiction is not a tactic to make anyone angry or hurt you - it's an *addiction.* He is emotionally addicted, and now, he's probably physically addicted as well. He started crack maybe as a fun thing to try; however, with repeated use, it's clear that he is using the drug as a way to cope with things in his life (or past). He might even be subconsciously unaware of the exact reason why he's doing the drug, but the fact is - he is. Now that he's hooked on this drug, he might find it impossible to stop. His body might *need* the drug, so-to-speak. Okay, so where do you come in in all of this? Well, you are *not* his therapist. You are supposed to be a team, sure - and work with each other at your lowest points; however, addictions fall outside of that (when the other party isn't wanting help). He is an *adult* and he is not your responsibility. The ultimatum that you have given him can go two ways. Maybe he'll admit himself into rehab (which, quite frankly, is probably a necessity at this point) or he'll just sneak the drugs behind your back. Once that fails, I hope you realize that he needs *professional* help. Through rehab and therapy, he can stop the physical addiction and emotional addiction. *All* addictions derive out of an emotional reason, whether it be a childhood experience or whatever. You need to be firm. If I were you, I would get a piece of paper, write down a rehab center and therapist (after some research), and then tell him that you're there for him 100% if he wants to get help. If not, you're out. What is best for both of you may be the hardest thing, but it is also the right thing. Don't put yourself through this torment anymore, dear. Best of luck!
What should I do when given an ultimatum to stop cutting or lose a friend? Why would they offer this?
You’re friend can’t stand to see you do this, plain and simple. In fact, a lot of people won’t be able to stand to see you do this if they found out. In fact, any REAL friend won’t be able to stand to see you do this, so don’t be surprised. If a “friend” is complicit with you in doing this, they’re probably not your friend anyway.IMHO…this is true for any addiction or self destructive behavior…so you’re not alone. There are drug addicts, alcoholics, over eaters, etc. who are and will go through this same situation.After a certain point, people must understand Free Will (…people have the right…and more than likely are going to…do what they want), but Free Will also means not having to be around to see it.I don’t know why you cut. No idea at all, but if it’s the same as any other addiction it’s probably a temporary (…which has or will turn into a not so temporary) escape from what we see or have in life.I was a drug addict, a serious one. I was the worst kind, I was one who could afford to be a drug addict. Now I want to tell you something and I hope it helps.What usually happens is we get so used to the present “escape mechanism” we search out another…stronger, more powerful “escape mechanism” or if we’re scared we do more of the same “escape mechanism” we’re doing to escape seemingly farther away from what we’re running from.Then we reach a point of critical mass…where the “escape mechanism(s)” become so much of our lives we see the only next “escape mechanism” is the largest “escape mechanism” we can think of…dying.What we see in life is temporary, we can change it through focus, patience, help (..friends) and a little bit of effort. It doesn’t take much compared to what’s going on now. What we see in death is nothing…death doesn’t change and there’s no coming back.Life can…and will be beautiful when we chose to pursue it to be…and it takes less effort as choosing the “escape mechanisms” that will lead us down the road to death…which isn’t going to change. It doesn’t feel that way going through it, but I can tell you how it is on the other side.That’s the real tragedy of addiction, doing something for a change and understanding THAT change ultimately leads to something that won’t change…death.Peace…