Balance between helping and being taken advantage of?
hi, i´m having problems understanding when you stop being helpful. I like to help people and feel that i shouldn´t try to change my character. but if a friend starts being unappreaciative and doesn´t give, only takes, when should the giving stop? should i keep giving out of kindness, or should i step back when i realize this person is not being a good friend? and what about people who woudn´t help me when i was in a bad situation? should i help them now that i am better? what i mean is, shoud kindness run out if it is not being appreicated or if the people aren´t loving? and if so, does that mean that i am becoming hardened? i know that the common sense answer is, but i would like to have a buddhist /loving perspective. thank you
Why are celebrities selfish?
"MOST celebrities only donate to charities outside of the USA." Okay, HOW does that make them selfish at ALL? Just because they don't care about the USA doesn't mean they are selfish... people like Immortal Technique was BORN in Peru and been to third world nations and he feels (knows) they have worse problems and he has done charitable work, here is one example; http://www.ballerstatus.com/2009/04/03/i... he donated all his money from an album he made and all the shows on the tour... if that is selfish... then I don't know WHAT is selfless. _________________ Look, you use TERRIBLE examples of them being selfish. Why don't you talk about the ones who don't make any donations? Another example of a selfless guy is this guy; http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/te... one of the Simpson creators is terminally ill and donating plenty of money... Yes MANY celebrities are selfish ungrateful trash heads... but all of them? I think not... selfishness is a PERSONALLY TRAIT, there are selfish people of all "classes"... celebrity or not... rich or poor... You know when you talk about "not donating in the USA", that is where you argument starts and that is where it already goes wrong... you should use some more clear examples, not generalizations... notice how I gave you two sources and two people?
I think my boyfriend is selfish in bed and I feel neglected. Is it just me?
It’s 3 AM and I’m awake. I look over at my lady and she’s asleep. She looks so peaceful and beautiful and I just watch her sleep for a few minutes. I start to get turned on.I don’t really want to wake her but we’ve talked about this. We have an agreement that it’s OK to wake her up if I get so horny that I can’t stand it. She doesn’t like the idea of me feeling like that. Sex is important to us and she’d rather I wake her up to make love to her than lay there all lonely and stuff.What would be the alternative? I could flick open Facebook and find a chick to flirt with. Tinder perhaps? Of course there is also porn. So, so, so much porn these days. I reckon I could find a live chat site and have a bit of a play on there.Instead I wake her up. I kiss her and pull her into my arms because I want her and her alone. I don’t want an alternative. I don’t want a back up plan on my computer or on my phone. I have this glorious, fantastic, wonderful woman beside me and I can’t help it. I want her like crazy.It may be selfish, it may be brutish of me but god I love fucking her. I love making love to her in the small hours. Lovemaking is important. It’s probably one of the most important parts of our relationship. We’re partners in crime and in life but we’re also lovers. We make allowances for each other all the time.I think you should rethink your attitude towards sex or if you can’t, if you really don’t like it and he really does then maybe consider the possibility that you’re not right for each other.
How do I handle my financially irresponsible parents who keep asking me for money?
I think your focus is in the wrong place. It seems like your focus is on your parents. If you take your focus off your parents, the problem is much simpler: Get away from them.The focus you have is normal in crazy families: the children hover around the parents, frustrated, but still enabling them.Parents who are this dysfunctional are not people you can hang around, visit, enjoy Thanksgiving and Xmas with. These are toxic people. Get away from them.They will never agree with you. They will always call you selfish and ungrateful. Get away from them.Do not try to convince them of anything. Let them think whatever they want to think. That is not your concern. Your concern is: How to get away from them.
My boyfriend got me terrible gifts?
We've been together 4 a little over a year now. I feel selfish for letting myself think this way, but I can't help it it's really bothering me now. Before I ask the ?, here is our gift history: my birthday:he threw me a party at his house (which I loved) But no gift. HIS birthday: his brothers threw him a party at his house, so i got him a giant bottle of kettle one & a brand new Red Sox hat w/ a nice card & thought into it(basically about 100$ all together) Xmas:I took him to Miami for 5 days (from RI) for a week & got really good seats at the dolphins patriots game. (He's a Miami fan) (about $1500 all together). He got me matching sweats.. & not the cute kind from jcpenny or VS, I'm talkin plain as plain could get, Hanes brand from Walmart. Granted, I am pregnant and need bigger comfy clothes, but plain? Walmart? For Xmas? Really? anniversary: I got him a $300 pair of diamond studs bc he had been hinting he needed a pair but he's got sensitive ears. He took me to Cheesecake Factory, bc I pretty much had to tell him to (I paid for gas to get there) & due to a mishap in the restaurant, the manager covered the cost of our food. So basically he paid 30$ for his 2 glasses of vodka and my 1 juice. For v-day yesterday, he did get me a sm/med box of chocolates,a card, and rented a movie. I really didn't put thought into my gift for him bc I've had enough. I made him a cake & "sexy time" coupons. When I got home for the night, the least I expected was a little "sexy time" after the movie, since we didn't go out to dinner or anything, but he fell asleep in the middle of the movie & that was our night... money IS an issue as 2 young parents on a min wage pay & even used to work together. Somehow I still manage to shell out about $1000/month in bills (mostly medical), & have $$ saved for him & our child. I'm almost embarrassed to tell people what he got me when they ask. Am I selfish and ungrateful for that? Or could something be up with him?? HELP HELP HELP HELP!!!
Why do people take advantage of others kindness and why do people mistake a good heart as foolishness?
Most good hearted people are foolish: we're foolish enough to believe that everyone else is as kind as we are.Humans are selfish. We want what we want, and many don't care how they go about getting it. Taking advantage of someone else, with no risk to yourself or regards to another's feelings, is an easy way to get what you want.Never forget that we are a top predator. We are clever, bored, and hungry. We've wiped out all the other animals we used to hunt. The only prey left are other humans, the weak ones.So people like that mistake kindness for weakness. They see someone behaving selflessly and figure that they must be stupid, because they would never do anything selfless themselves. It doesn't make sense to them that a strong and intelligent person would. They test you and conclude that you are weak.When empathy is left out of the equation kindness is a weakness. When empathy is applied without discretion to all situations, we are giving others an advantage.Kind people need to realize that not everyone is kind. Not everyone is redeemable. Not everyone is really a good person deep inside. Some of them are predators, and they are out to get you. Some of the predators are your friends.Use your good heart wisely and it won't be ripped apart. Believing everyone is as kind as you are is foolish.