What do you feel about the shaming tactics used against Pro feminist men?
I've noticed that most of them seem to centre around our masculinity, or to quote one recent answer "gender loyalty". For myself, I take men's issues very seriously, there are a lot of things that we need to improve for our sex and our gender, but I don't think the way forward is shaming tactics. Being accused of being "gay" and "like a woman" or a "gender traitor" is very revealing in it's own right. When certain men think its insulting to compare a man to a woman, or equate the support of women with being homosexual, they clearly demonstrate that they see both women and homosexual men as being inferior. For myself, I feel neither anger or shame at these kinds of tactics, they don't touch me at all, but they do interest me. I can well understand why some men feel "at sea" in this changing world, without an anchor to put down to give them self worth. Instead they lash out at whatever is close. Blaming women, and blaming other men who support equal rights. It is much easier to blame than look to your own challenges and find a constructive way to deal with them. Or to find how you want to fit into the community, into relationships or to your role in the workplace. Most of the anger such men exhibit seems to be borne of helplessness. As far as I can see. What do you feel about the shaming tactics used against Pro feminist men?
What types of men do feminists attract?
I can’t speak for others, but as for myself and other “maternal feminists” (women who may or may not identify as feminists and may even consider themselves anti feminist, but have a lot of respect for their roles as mothers and homemakers), we tend towards mild mannered but masculine men. Think Mr. Rogers or Marlon Wayans.We’re the feminists who actually like men who value our momminess.Asking around a bit, I’ve found that this is not just a maternal feminist thing. Again, I couldn’t say if this is true of a majority, as I haven’t met every feminist in the world, and I may have some selection bias, but most I’ve encountered at least say they prefer a guy with a balance of strength and benevolence.Who they date is another matter.Many women had bad male role models or absent ones growing up, and may act out through trauma or simple lack of understanding of what a good man actually behaves like day to day. I had the luck of a good dad who always supported my mom both in her career and in her family life. I never got the impression that a guy being nice was a weakness because he was caring but has solid principles. We disagree on many things, but that disagreement never warped into abandonment or withdrawal of love. He was always there for me when I needed him…and no matter how old I become, I am still his babygirl.When the men in a woman’s life who should have been her protectors drop the ball or treat her badly, it sets a pattern and teaches her it’s okay for other men to treat her this way. So unfortunately though the feminist ideal man may be a benevolent bad-a**, many women go for the just bad.So the thing to do in a planet full of frightened traumatized women fighting for their and your human rights (because where women aren’t free, nobody’s free and their sons are just as much targets as they are) is not take it personally, and continue to do good and love women and support egalitarian ideals. Don’t become a jerk just because it seems to show some short term success…partly because a feminist has a whole lot of reminders around her of what her value really is and eventually the jerk is going to lose.Some guys see this as a woman resorting to the nice guys after she’s been damaged by the jerks, but another way to look at it is that the woman has been through enough to truly appreciate someone who isn’t a jerk. Someone with the experience is less likely to take you for granted.Just stay cool.
Do some feminists think they can shame men into finding older women attractive?
I don't think anyone is trying to shame men into liking older women...but I think there are many who acknowledge that men who consistently try to date women considerably younger than themselves ought to be ashamed of themselves. I hate to be close-minded, but that's just gross. Some old guy is just being pathetic if he continually ignores women in his own age group in favor of younger women. If he doesn't find women his own age attractive, he needs to remember that HE'S OLD TOO!! Old men aren't exactly all that appealing either. Also, young women who date old men should be recognized for what they (all too often) are...money hungry. They're looking for some old dude to spend his money on them. Basically, everyone should stick to approximately their own age group. EDIT: @celtish: A cougar is an older woman who often dates younger men. @Gnu: To be honest, the main people that I have a problem with are the older men who immediately write off women of their own age group as being "ghastly"...if those women are ghastly, so are you, buddy! If two people from very different age groups connect with one another on a level besides the physical, and it's safe to assume those two individuals would still date even if they were close together in age, then I suppose I have no problem with that. It just really bothers me that old women are shoved off to the side in the realm of dating and sexuality. Old women are sexual beings just as much as old men are, and they ought to find satisfaction in one another, instead of the old men going after the young pretties and leaving the older women out in the cold. EDIT: @Lioness: I'm 21, so I have absolutely no problem with men of my own age group dating younger than me. That would be statutory rape. All the same, I can recognize that there is a hypocrisy in old men flatly refusing to date women their own age. If you will read all of what I have wrote (more specifically, my "@Gnu" section) you will see that *to some extent* I agree with you.
Is it possible that some feminists may grow to appreciate men?
I’m a feminist, and I appreciate men a lot.My father who is one of the sweetest, most selfless men I’ve come across.My cousin brother who is as protective about me as my father.My male friend of 10+ years who has stood by me through thick and thin.My male friend of 6 years who cooked and made sure I was well fed during my dissertation defense.My other male friend who compromised on his job just so his wife could accept her dream-job offer.My best friend’s husband who has no qualms about cooking for us and making us cocktails, while we chat.Those friends who stood around me like a shield when this drunk guy made a move on me at a club, and wouldn’t take no for an answer.The list is endless. I meet amazing men every other day who enrich my life and do not make me feel unsafe, exploited, any lesser, or dumb.And know what? All of them claim themselves as feminists. My life is so much better because of them.I think you have “feminazi” confused with “feminist”, because “feminism” is defined as equality of sexes. Hating the male gender blindly defeats this very purpose.