Why do some kids blame themselves when their parents get divorced?
Because sometimes a fight will revolve around why a parents doesn't participate more in the responsibility of taking care of the child. And if the child ever heard a fight like that then of course they would understand it as ''they are fighting because of me''. For younger kids they just do not understand that divorce is between two adults. Children's entire world revolves around them right? they still basically have very selfish needs and so it is natural that whatever is happening around them, they feel has something to do with them. They can not separate themselves from there environment yet cause they are just to young and have not learned how to separate themselves.
Why do adult children of alcoholics have so many issues/problems and dysfunctions?
I too am a ACOA. I spent quite a bit of time in counseling which helped a great deal but I still wasn't where I wanted to be emotionally. Once I started on a spiritual path I became more responsible for my own happiness. I forgave not only my father but myself as well. I made a conscious decision to no longer carry around guilt and shame. I broke the cycle of codependency. I set myself free. This book helped me a great deal ... http://www.amazon.com/Affirmations-Inner...
What do you say to your grown up adult children who still blame you for their unfair childhood?
Well, they don’t, and I’m grateful. Because they DID have an unfair childhood. We went from solidly middle class, in a nice home, to two horrible duplexes, with five of us in a two bedroom house. Followed by a small three bedroom with a leaky roof, leaky plumbing and sagging floors.But their dad couldn’t take it away from us. It was ours. They went from big Christmas trees and a house filled with gifts to the little I could get them, and divided holidays.Here is what I think you might be missing with your own, now grown, kids. Those unfair things that happened to them as children will still affect them as adults. Whether it was sudden poverty, abuse by either parents or stepparents, the loss of beloved grandparents. Or something else.If you, who was the adult for those kids, did not take responsibility for their suffering, did not apologize to them, and do not, today, acknowledge how that suffering shaped them, then I will make a bold statement.You deseve their blame. You deserve their anger. Instead of thinking they should just get over it, just sweep it under the rug, just let bygones be bygones, stop and see how your own children suffered. And apologize.Apologize for whatever part you played in their suffering. Because they deserve that apology. And you deserve to be the person who takes ownership of the damage you did, and makes amends.
Why do people blame single mothers for problems that their kids sometimes have?
There is a documented correlation between single-parent households and lower achievement across a range of benchmarks for children raised in these households. This is not to say that it is right or fair for one parent, usually the father, to abdicate responsibility. This is not to say that it's easy to be a single parent. And it also doesn't imply forced causation; in other words, a child raised by a single mother may do very well and be very stable and happy. The studies show averages, not extremes or exceptions, and there's no rule saying people have to conform to averages. So in answer to your question (it was still in there somewhere;) I think people are lazy thinkers and leap very quickly from a few statistics to a position of looking for someone to blame.
How much are adults affected by the way they were raised by their parents?
Train up a chld in the way he/she should go, and when he/she is old they will not depart from it. This is a true commandment and scripture verse. Parents are to train their children in the way that they should go. However, there are plenty of parents who train their children erroneously and put their children in harms way through abuse or neglect both mentally or physicallt. There are people who have lived a very blessed life because of their parents and their training. Your parents do influence you, long after they are gone, just as life experiences influence you and are sometimes very hard to either overcome or are a treasure to reflect on. Everyone's actions matter whether it be for the good or for the bad, it all matters. However, living out on your own does require 100% participation by you. Your parents are no longer responsible for you, your actions or your circumstances because YOU are now in charge. You now have to pay the "cost" to be the "boss" so to speak. No more leaning on mommy and daddy, or expecting them to come to your rescue. You now have 100% custody and care of YOU. So in answer to your question of whether you are on your own 100%....a resounding YES! Be blessed!
Did Michael Rotondo's parents fail him by not raising him to be a responsible adult?
It is definitively the parents fault. But society has A LOT to do with that. I've mentioned it before, I hate the idea of labeling kids by generations. If you put a kid born today in the same circumstances as our parents, you won't get a millennial. You will get whatever that generation was called.So blaming the generation is nice, it help us say "it is not our fault". But in reality we could blame the parents for letting them fit in that generation. I'm sure those single mom's kids raced by their grandparents won't fit their current generation.It is our responsibility to choose the things that best fit our kids. It doesn't matter if we are against current trends. Parents have that phrase "if all our friends jump of a bridge, will you do it?" But we don't see it at our level "if all parents strangle their childrens will you do it?" We should stop following the trends, or at least evaluate if that trend is good for us and the children. If it is not, then everyone on the chain is responsible society, teachers, parents and the kid. Not only one is to blame. As one of my bosses once told me when I blamed him for following an order: "you could have said no"... and from then on I do.As an example, I know I'm not a perfect parent; but one thing I hate of current generations is the "participation prices". Just by been there you get a price. As a parent I don't think that's the right move. My daughter's dentist will give them prices after the revision. She always gets one but one day she was specially un-cooperative. At the end the dentist said "you forgot to pick a price"; both my wife and I said at the same time "she doesn't deserve a price". We where frowned upon our comment. But my kid knows she wont get a price unless she does something out of the ordinary. Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking straight 10s. If she studied hard and got an 8 where she previously she got 7s. She will get a price.