What is your worst wedding day memory?
Lets see, tons of stuff happened at my wedding. The cakes were frozen, the slid show didnt start, we ran out of regular drinks(tea, coffee) we didnt blow out our candles after we lit the unity candle, we forgot the bible for the bible carrier. I left my speech in the car, my husband said something about everyone except me. But when you look back, it really doesnt matter. You just remember how happy you were on that day and that you married the love of your life. And noone notices anything that you think is a huge deal.
How can I stop all the bad memories from ruining my marriage? I know he's trying to change, but how can I forget?
While you will never really be able to forget past wrongs, what you really need to determine is whether or not you can forgive then and move forward.Also, if your husband is “trying to change” it’s fair to ask how hard he’s trying and whether or not he’s actually doing the “work” necessary to successfully change.Sometimes it’s easier to come to peace with past wrongs if you understand what caused the issue/behavior in the first place. This is likely to involve couples counseling or, perhaps, individual counseling for you.Try to focus on living in the present. Actively remind yourself of any positive developments and busy yourself with other tasks if you find yourself starting to dwell on the past.All of this said, depending on the nature of the bad memories - e.g., if we’re talking actual abuse - it may not be possible, or even advisable to try to stay married. If, on the other hand, the issue is infidelity, then you can get past it if you’re both clear on what happened, on why it happened, and work together to fix the root cause.Thank you to SC for the A2A, and I honestly hope things work out for you.
How do I stop my photographic memory from ruining my life?
I don’t have a photographic memory, just an exceptional one. I have an idea, of what it’s like, to re-experience traumatic events, over and over again.Knowledge may help. The brain rewards memories/thoughts of fear, pain, anger, guilt, shame, and humiliation. If it didn’t, then we would shun such thoughts. If we never remembered them, then we would make many more bad choices. We’d make the same mistakes, over and over again.I was born with zero ambition, and a below average sense of curiosity. It seems to be a family trait. I drove my parents and older crazy, with my questions. They were very cross, but assured me, that I’d learn everything, when I grew up. I believed them.I was a very poor student, because I didn’t have to study. However, I didn’t understand school. Plus, my family moved a lot, so I was timid and shy.I didn’t have a real friend, until age 10. He answered my questions about school. Like, why the teacher repeated everything. He told me, that I was smart. I didn’t correct him. I had a better memory. It didn’t make me smart.At age 15, I fell in love, with a 19 year old college student. I turned to the females of my extended family, for help. I studied women, as if my happiness depended on it. I reinvented myself.I spent a year, trying to win her heart. Unbelievingly, I succeeded. It lasted 3 heavenly months. When it ended, I couldn’t go back to being the same, boring me. I was desperate to be taken seriously, to be treated as an adult.College didn’t do it, so I joined the navy. Once again, I had to reinvent myself. Again, I succeeded. After the navy, I went back to college, and once again, reinvented myself.When I began my career, I determined the personality, that would succeed, and conditioned my brain and behavior to match. Again, I succeed.Success makes you set your sights higher. It’s a vicious circle. My ego got so large, that the daily stress was slowly eating me alive. After 17 years, I quit my job.Oh, I’m really good at picking stocks. I haven’t worked a day, since I quit, in 1995.What do you care about? What’s worth working long, hard hours?The subconscious creates all thoughts, decisions, and everything ever imagined. If you have a minimum of a conscience, then it will decide, if you deserve to be happy or successful. Karma is a great psychological tool. Do good. Be polite, kind, and generous. Every once in a while, go out of your way to help someone.Good luck.
Do you sometimes wish that either you or someone could disappear just like a memory?
No. My failed relationships each have left some good memories along with bad.
Why can't I put all the bad memories behind me and move on?
I've been so angry the past few days. A year ago, my boyfriend of 4 years broke my heart. He started seeing another woman behind my back and was constantly lying to me. I was an emotional wreck. I truely thought I'd spend the rest of my life with him. Our relationship was the most important thing in my life up to that point. I tried moving on... taking up new hobbies, making new friends... I thought I was doing so well. Then a few days ago something clicked and everything around me reminds me of him. And when I think of him, I get so angry that he ruined our relationship and broke my heart. I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to go anywhere. I still live in the apartment we shared, so even things in my own home are reminders that make me angry. I'm getting awful tension headaches. I've completely lost my inner peace. Why am I suddenly so upset? Why can't I move on once and for all? Will these thoughts always come back to haunt me?
Masturbating ruined my life....?
I am a girl and I started masturbating when I was 14 and I am 18 now. I always wanted to stop and felt so bad about it but I still did it like a few times a week for those 4 years. I stopped now. But I noticed that for the years I have been doing it my life has been horrible. I have become very unsocial, I have not one friend and I don't talk to anyone and am very nervous and shy around people in public. I can't make friends. Before I started masturbating I had friends and I could talk to people. I have been alone the past 4 years and have felt so insecure. I ruined my whole teenagehood and now it's gone down the drain. I also noticed that before I started I had really good memory, I could remember things from a long time ago and now I can't remember things that happened the previous day. I am learning German and if I learn a new word I can't remember it five seconds later, when before I could have only heard it once and remembered it. I was starting to think that my life went downhill since I started and that it was not just a coincidence. That masturbating made me develop social and mental problems. I read some things that say that it can harm those types of things. Now I am feeling really depressed and scared and thinking that I ruined my whole teenage time because of masturbation. I am just wondering that since I stopped now and if I don't do it anymore will I eventually recover from these effects? Please someone help I can't explain how horrible I feel right now..
What is your best or worst childhood memory?
i have always felt that my childhood was so.... interesting i know exactly what it's like living in a war zone. a best memory is easy. there aren't many good ones to chose from. and i'm alone in all of them, or at least, not with my family. i was in first grade and one day i got tired of being bullied and i sent the bully flying across the classroom floor, right into the opposite wall. picking a worst memory... gee, that's a tough one. my mother used suicide threats as a way to manipulate me all my life. my father never felt that an emotional bond between us was needed. neither one ever said "i love you" to me, or gave me a hug, or even said "good job". ever. but i guess the worst memory is of a day when i was about 5 or 6. i wouldn't eat my tuna that day - i didn't really like it, it seemed to me like it was too dry. my mother blew her top and took me outside, sat me against the house (a house with walls made of solid rock, granite, i believe) and literally banged my head against the wall every time i turned away from the tuna. she didn't stop until i had swallowed my pride and eaten every last piece. all the time this was going on, my father sat at the table, telling my mother quite loudly how brutal what she was doing to me was. he never got off his seat. he didn't do squat to protect me. that was probably the day i learned i had to protect myself. funny, my brother had been born very recently, and my mother showed me this piece of board and said she was going to beat him with it if he cried too loud. she was testing me to see if i cared about this new person in my life. she found it a hoot when i just nodded and later got rid of the board when she wasn't looking. to this day she doesn't realize i had every reason to believe she would do as she said. to this day she is actually proud of beating me to a pulp over tuna. she'll tell people about it like it's a cute family anecdote....
What are the bad memories you had when you were in school? Mine was the day I saw my second semester results.
Well this gonna be sad, sad stories. Oh let's start. So I was transgender (a guy) making the easiest target, I mean there so many things to make fun of. Every day I would come home sad. Kids would thrown trash a me, put mean notes in and on my locker, even gave me a nickname, pig. Now to make it worse my father hated me. He hated me as a son, hated me as a daughter, just didn't like me. This lasted till Senior year where my life fell apart. My summer consisted of me being in a courtroom cause my father beat me with a belt, it was awful. But the worst memory ruined my life. I was showering after baseball practice in the boys locker room when 4 boys who I thought were my friends sexually assaulted me. They rubbed “themselves” up against my private, grabbed my breasts (which hated people ever to see, never mind grab), burned me and hit me with a wet towel. School of course just swept it under the rug and i m still effected by it.Today I have depression, anxiety and minor PTSD. My poor wife has to suffer with me everyday, calming me down when I have nightmares and making sure I don't kill myself. I drank cause of it too but stopped but after being dragged to my highschool reunion I'm back in my bad state. If I get another DUI I'm gonna have to do time so my wife has to go through withdrawal with me. I started a few days ago and I'm scared but definitely mad. Whenever I drink I'm happy but of course it has to end in angry. I'm planning on going through the rough parts at a friends since I get violent and 2 grown men are better and restraining me then my 100lb wife.
Your best and worse memory of kindergarten?
My best memory of kindergarten was when our class drew a huge Pumpkin that covered a wall for Halloween. The teacher picked me and a boy to point at it for our town newspaper reporter. So I got to see myself in the paper! The worse memory was we had to cut out hearts for Valentines Day. I could not cut the shape to save my life. My teacher made me stay in through recess and I still could not meet her approval When she turned her back, I picked up a throw away on the floor from one of my classmates, showed it to her, and I finally was released from art prison to go outside!~~