I feel left out at work...?
I have been at my job at a pharmacy for about a year now. Every couple of weeks I hear some of my co-workers saying how great the weekend was and how drunk they got and all of that stuff. They are around my age, 22, so they like to party. I never get invited out with them. I feel like they're sneaking around about it. Usually whenever I walk by some of the girls lower their voices to a whisper. What's up with that? I want to become their friend, but they are making it hard. I feel like just another co-worker to them. They always say hi to me and stuff, but I feel like it's just for show. If I asked any of them to tell me 3 things that they know about me (that aren't obvious), they would all fail. I am feeling left out. I am always nice to everyone, there is no reason why they shouldn't invite me out. Please tell me what you think or if this has happened to you!
I feel left out at work. What should I do?
I don’t want to sound like a cry baby but I feel hurt that my co-workers don’t invite me out to eat with them. Its 6 girls in total, me included. They range from me 25yrs old to 55yrs old. I am 25. Well they go out to lunch to celebrate a bday or just because they feel like going. I am the receptionist and so I have to cover the phone calls and people who walk into the office. They usually never invite me. I know that I am watching my weight (I am gradually losing weight on my new meal plans) and that I am economically struggling so therefore I probably wouldn’t go but I’d still like to be invited and feel included. It shouldn’t matter if I’m going to say no or if I’ll just get a salad, I should also be included. I do a lot for everyone; I’m very reliable, and kind. I’m sure they won’t invite me out this afternoon either as it’s someone’s bday. What can I do to ignore my hurt and not cry when I see they don’t invite me? I feel so left out of the “girl time” that I feel tears welling up as I write this. I don’t have a lot of friends out of work and I think that’s another reason why I get so hurt. I’d like to tell one of them whom I have a closer relationship with but I’m afraid to come about as a cry baby. What do you guys think I should do?
How can I stop feeling left out?
Oh man, this question just breaks my heart. It popped up under "More Stories" and it was saddening. Yes, I know, feeling left out is the story of my life. I'm sorry you feel this way.Understand this is mainly a subjective view of a social gathering. People in general are not always as outgoing and secure as they appear. Some are, yes, some are lucky to be happy and outgoing. They probably do want to include you. But there's more.For me, I always felt left out since grade school, having been bullied and shunted aside by my peers who DID deliberately go out of their way to let me know that they WANTED to reject me, as the new girl, as the unattractive duckling. I have a complex where I have a hard time feeling wanted, even when others do care for me and want to reach out to me. This has carried on even until now. I know this is subjective, but I can't stop feeling this way.The reason why I tell you my story is because you're not alone, and it is to prove my point that not all social peers are equal. That not all social environments or events are the same. Perhaps you feel across the board that you're left out. That's me right there too. The subjectivity is so deeply rooted that one cannot get past it.I found that if i make myself available to make friends or join in with the company around me, I find people want to include me. It's just the hurt child in me that wants to hide. The question, therefore, if this is a sequitor argument at all, should be how do I get over past hurt? And who are the people worth being accepted by? Seek them out. Not everyone is cut out to be one's friend, and being selective is much better for your emotional health. Perhaps eventually others will be wondering who you are and how can they get to know you better. Altruism trumps all!
How does it feel like to be left out at your work place?
It is really a bad feeling to be left out at your work place and not involved in the groups. But do not panic, it is a normal thing in office. There are few things you may do to keep yourself involved in groups and be a part of a team:- start by greeting people (good mornings, good evenings, good day, etc)- always wear a smile when you are talking to people- if someone talks to you, try to be genuinely interested in the conversation. You should remember that people prefer a good listener to be part of their group than a good speaker.- Do not try to push people for seeking their attention, be calm and be yourself.- respect people' views and ways of their working (even if you do not like).- offer your help if someone is in need - always be courteous and polite.Now, as for the part where you are the victim of office politics, it also feels very bad. It happened with me once or twice and one thing always use to runs through my mind was "Why me??"The key to tackle this (as suggested by my colleague) is do not react. Your reaction will only going to fuel the talks and make you look bad. Avoid getting involved in any kind of conversation with people who are responsible for this. If you are in a group and suddenly the topic came up, do not start giving your explanation right away. If someone genuinely asks you about the matter then give your side of story and justify things.Also remember that with time this will go away.
Feeling left out by coworkers by not being invited to party?
The person hosting the party should have sent them to the coworkers homes and not delivered the invitations at work. That was really poor etiquette in addition to being rude and low class. But there is no reason for you to feel bad, just celebrate halloween with real friends instead of rude coworkers.
How do you deal with being left out?
Sometimes in life people will exclude others in order to make themselves feel better. Being outcast from a group of peers is hard. Back in the day, when humans were hunters and gatherers, living life in groups was key to survival... and it's still hard to process feeling left out even when it's trivial because, to our ancestors, being left out of social information could have meant life or death. That said, first and foremost, put your situation in context. What do you value in other people, and what are your long term goals and dreams? Do you see this group of friends supporting you on your journey through life or trying to tear you down? How do they treat people they view as below them (aka, are they nice to waiters, janitors, people who have less than them?) and how do they treat animals and nature?Now, answer the same questions about yourself. Do you lift people up or tear them down? Do you exclude others? Have you earned trust or have you exploited secrets people have told you in confidence? Are you respectful of your surroundings and those not in a position of power around you, or are you arrogant?...In fact, do you really know how others perceive you? It's great to "not care what other people think" (as has been branded into the minds of public schooled kids this generation, for better and for worse) but it can't hurt to overview and refine your manners and social skills.Pick up a copy of Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People. Now you're in it to win it, my friend. Next time you are excluded, simply act unbothered, and when you get home get some good healthy food and a bunch of water, lay out and read (and re-read) that book. Do some cardio, crunches, pushups... Get your blood flowing. Expand your interests. And keep your big goals in mind. True friends are actually very very rare. I didn't meet any of my real friends until college and later. I've reconnected with acquaintances from earlier times in my life, and we can barely remember who liked who and who excluded who, in terms of others (no one else will remember things that didn't happen to them directly). So don't miss opportunities to be a friend to someone who will liven up your life wasting time with those who don't value you!
What do you do if you are feeling excluded at work?
As someone who is in the same boat as you, I can tell you that the best thing you can do is sit back and not worry about it. I started the job I'm at about a year ago and I still don't really feel included. The reasons for it could be anything from me being the lowest person on the office totem pole to the fact that I'm the youngest in the office by 10 years to the other fact that quite literally just about every person in the office is related to another person or knew them from back-when. It took a lot for me to get used to the new way I'm treated. At my previous job (a doctors' office with over 60 female employees), I had plenty of people I could talk to, joke around with, and confide in who were or near my age and made only a little more or a little less than me. I now work in an office of about 20 employees, mostly male, and almost all were born with silver spoons shoved down their throats. I actually had a perfect example of being left out happen to me a couple of hours ago. While I was in another co-worker's area, our boss came over and asked what we'd be wearing to the office Christmas party. We both said we didn't know yet and I asked what exactly the invitation meant by "Festive Attire". She never answered me. She simply continued to joke and laugh with my other co-worker. Yes, it hurt my feelings to be so plainly excluded, but I've chosen to ignore it. One less thing for me to worry about, IMO. Just make sure to keep your unwork-related friends and your family close. You'd be surprised at how well ranting about works as a stress reliever!