Is my best friend toxic?
I’M THE ONE WHO ASKED THE QUESTIONShe has been bragging and questioning herself to us to fish for compliments. She always shows to me her newly-bought clothes and try it on and asking me stuffs. I also (almost) always talk about how I’m ashamed of my body because I’m a big-boned, broad shouldered and a little bit chubby, but then she’ll always tell me that “They always say my body is beautiful and I think it is not. They say I’m thin and I would say that I’m a stick, why would they be jealous.” and she obviously have a great body and want us to compliment her more. She’s also talking a lot aboyt herself, I don’t even know if she knows how I’m doing with my life. But I don’t want to be a bad person and hurt her by saying how boastful and unconsciously selfish she’s became. She also always has become hungry for recognitions and wanted to be on top.BACKGROUND OF OUR FRIENDSHIP (a little complicated):We have been best friends for almost 3 years, let’s call her Y. At first, she didn’t have friend so I befriended her but unfortunately, we got bullied by my another “best friend” or R from first grade until recently. Then we have to be apart so that we would be bullied less ang became friends secretly. At the end of the school year R and Y became close friends and talks a lot about their fashion brand favorites, vacation spots and typical rich topics. She kinda left me behind and when R got out of hand and I cried in front of everyone, I talked to her about it and she made an excuse that she only did that to make me stronger, I was stupid enough to believe it of course.Then R and I splitted away but Y and I remained close friends, until Y and R talked again through chat and Y helped R and I to have closure. We three got close again and after weeks later, she started bullying Y and I wasn’t aware that I became a bystander. R and I kinda broke up again and only us Y became peaceful. After summer, I transferred and everything was miserable when I left my old school and Y transferred school too. I came back to school this year and I noticed ever since 2017 Summer that she became like what I just said.
I think I am being a toxic friend to my best friend, but to none of my other friends. Why, and what can I do to not be toxic to her?
It's often the ones closest to us that see the worst in us. My parents and especially my hubs get to see the worst of me, and then you guys get the residual effects:) I think half the battle is just being conscious of it. You know each other well so you think you have more wiggle room to get away with little barbs here and there. Maybe your friend tolerates it well or secretly resents it(who knows!) but you get too comfortable in the security of your friendship. Try asking your friend what you do that makes her uncomfortable. Maybe it's something unconsciously done or maybe you're just over thinking things. I'm willing to bet on the latter half…
How do I deal with a toxic best friend?
Hi Medeea, thank you for the ask to answer. Your question is…QUESTION: “How do I deal with a toxic best friend?”SHORT ANSWER: Find someone else to call a true best friend, as toxic people lack empathy for others and have a seriously diminished conscience, as well, so they’re incapable of being anyone’s true friend, much less a best friend.I’m going to borrow a phrase that I often heard Drew Pinski use when he still had his show Loveline; “your picker is broken.” In case you don’t know what that means, let me offer an explanation. Something happened in your early childhood and, quite likely, within your immediate family circle, that has caused you to have weak personal boundaries or to be incapable of differentiating psychologically healthy, decent human beings from individuals who are noticeably toxic or covertly toxic. It could be that one or both of your parents are addicts of some kind (alcohol, drugs, sex, porn, gambling, shopping) or they have some other narcissistic disorder like NPD, BPD, HPD or AsPD. It’s even possible that they are the adult children of addicts who never received any counseling themselves. Whatever it is, it has left you with an inability to define healthy boundaries and you need to learn to develop them. Find a psychotherapist who specializes in healing early childhood wounds and tell them your difficulty with healthy boundaries, and be 100% honest with her/him about how you were treated by your primary caregivers in your early childhood.I hope this helps. Best wishes~
Cutting off a toxic friend?
so there's this girl that I was friends with last school year, and I had gotten pretty close with her. I realized she was becoming a toxic friend, so eventually I cut her off. this was very difficult because all of my friends were still friends with her. after the the school year ended, I had to deal with quite a lot of drama with her over the summer. I was even more stressed than before and I didn't know how to deal with it. once the next school year started, I was dreading having her around again. eventually I decided that the only way I could deal with this is to forgive her for what she's done, so I did and we made up. at first she seemed like she had changed and she was nice to have around. I told her my secrets and we had become very close. that was a mistake, because it turns out she is the same old person. I want to cut her off for good, but now she knows a bunch of my secrets and I don't know what to do. I need advice!
How to get rid of a toxic friend?
Just stop being with her. If she drops by, just tell her that you don't feel like hanging out and would she mind going home? If she calls, tell her that you don't feel like talking right now. If she approaches you at school, don't ignore her, but make sure that you find other people to hang with. Keep answers to her questions brief, but not rude. Prepare to eventually have to answer the biggie: Why are you being this way to me? Either you can be honest and gentle or you can be rude. You choose. Remember that you could be honest, gentle, and help her make changes that would enrich her own life. While you may consider her to be toxic, she may have some good traits that you really do appreciate and I personally don't see any reason to completely dump a friend. Do you really know someone who has too many friends? And this isn't going to be a fast procedure, either. The least painful way is to bring a third friend into the mix and gradually extricate yourself from the trio as a regular by making plans for the three of you and then backing out at the last minute until the old friend is comfortable with the third one on a regular basis.
Is my friend toxic?
ive been friends with this girl for about 8 years (we are both 15 now). we always have our ups and downs since we have very different personalities but we manage through it and stay best friends.she is very controlling over me. if i go to another friends house she will say im ditching her and never hangout with her, ever though i hang out with her every weekend. she is also a hypocrite. she asks to read my messages and i say yes cause if i dont she gets mad, but whenever i ask she just hides her phone and says its none of my business. if i accidentally step on the back of her shoe she will make a scene and call me stupid and tell me to watch where im ******* going, yet she does to me all the time on purpose and i just stay quiet and take it. she tells me whats wrong with me andi just stay quiet, if i do defend myself she will jst get even more mad at me. i never telll her whats wrong with her because she will just get mad. the most recent fight we had was i talked a lot to this boy who we were both friends with. she ended up liking himm so i understood why she would be bothered that i talked to him so much, so i stopped. yet she still pesters me everyday saying stuff like "you like him dont you" "why do you have to like him", i dont even talk to him anymore and she still obsesses over it. i dont know what to do i clearly cannot talk to her because she will be mad at me. ive known her for 8 years and i dont wanna end this friendship i jsut want to fix it
How do you drop a toxic friend?
Know yourself and to your own self be true.I can't tell you how to avoid them completely, they do latch on whether you want them or not (can’t imagine anyone who does, btw). But it’s important to recognize the signs and symptoms early on, so you don't get contaminated.Basically, if a ‘friend’ is making you feel guilty, fearful (the notorious eggshell walk), obligated, and like you don’t measure up or aren’t good enough, or worse - regardless how exactly are they doing this - in my book it’s time to stop calling this ‘a friendship’ and move on.Toxic ‘friends’ are takers, those who’ll make it all about them and strap you into the role of their subordinate, someone whose purpose is to comfort them, soothe them, help them, prop them up, entertain them, admire and praise them and, generally, keep giving without expecting anything in return.They use guilt-tripping, manipulation, often flattery and other passive-aggressive means to make you conform and continue the lopsided ‘friendship’.A Big Red Flag: When you find you are suddenly made to feel guilty over nothing and expected to explain yourself at length to someone to whom you really don’t owe a thing. Should alert you to the stealthy, crafty manipulation you have been exposed to.Toxic people tend to groom their ‘friends’ to make them fit the required role. They do it through guilt-tripping and subtle, sly blackmail.They also tend to build you up then tear you down, and like to poke and prod to see you bleed, like NPDs, but while all NPDs are toxic, not all toxic people are (diagnosably) narcissistic.Knowing yourself and being genuine, true to yourself, is to a toxic person what garlic is to a vampire. They’ll still be able to fool you for a while (insidious and perfidious as they are), but only for a very short while and without causing you to doubt yourself or lose any self-confidence.Thanks for an A2A
Is this a sign of a toxic friend?
My best friend seems almost always excited to tell me when she hears someone talking smack/spreading rumors about me. I figure there not true so why tell me and bring me down. I think the "i thought you had a right to know" is a load of bs when its just mean stuff and I'm not even close with the people spreading it anyways. Is this a sign of a toxic friend?
Are toxic friends worth keeping?
I don't have good friends who are fun, kind and understanding people to hang out with. All I have are friends who are either a mooch, insensitive, show off, men stealers and friends who don;t appreciate me. Whenever I hung out with them, I don't go home feeling good about myself. I am trying to stop being neg and moaning. I am trying to be happier so I can have a better life and for that to happen, I need friends who are nice, kind and friendly and make each others feel good. Thing is I am on my own and it's difficult to hang out on my own. I don't think I'd ever have a decent boyfriend in my lifetime because they make me nervous and because of my bad experiences with men, I am not keen on having relationships even though I really want a boyfriend! Are toxic friends worth keeping?