My relationship with my mother sucks... Advice?
Here's the deal. I'm thirty, and my mother and I have never gotten along, PARTICULARLY since she went through menopause when I was twelve. Since then, she's turned into a raving *****. Now, seriously, I try to control my temper when she loses her sanity for a day, but it's getting really hard. I'll give you an example (this just happened tonight) of something that happens pretty frequently so that you get a general idea of what's going on. My parents agreed to watch my son this evening, so we all agreed that we would be there at eight. I am very punctual, and was there at EXACTLY eight. I told my son to tell my mother we were there, and that we were about to leave (she was upstairs). She came downstairs, yelling, and asked, "What the hell do you want?" Okay. Whoa. I replied, "I told him to tell you we were leaving." "I've had a f*cking horrible day, and I don't need this sh!t..." "What are you talking about?" "YOU." ... And she slammed the door. WTF?
Does my girlfriend spoil her son too much? I really need some advice here.?
Ok. My gf is 22. Her son is 2 and a half. It's not that he's a brat. He's a wonderful little kid and we have a great time together. But I'm afraid the way she is raising him will cause him to be a brat someday, and possibly unable to deal with life in general. Basically he gets whatever he wants. Not toys and such necessarily, but he just gets his way, and she enables it. He NEVER sleeps through the night. He wakes 2-5 times a night. As soon as she hears him start crying, she jumps out of bed and lies with him till he falls asleep. Often she winds out sleeping with him the night. She lets him run around at the dinner table, and will cook him whatever he wants, even if he changes his mind 3 or 4 times. He cries and makes her pick him up and carry him when we go anywhere. She always gives in immediately. When he talks back to her, hits her, or just does something he knows he's not supposed to, she may yell, but never punishes him. EVER. He's never seen more than 30 seconds in time out. My point is, he's not a bad kid, but she gives in to EVERYTHING he wants with just a little crying. I'm afraid he'll grow up not knowing the difference between right and wrong, unable to deal with things like rejection and when life inevitably doesn't go his way. Maybe I'm just too strict because that was the way I was raised. But I have good life, work hard, and have accomplished a lot, and I know it's because of the way my parents raised me. I'm afraid to step in a say something, but I won't be able to let her treat our child that way if we have one someday.
How can I give advice to my son who doesn't want advice even though he continues to make mistakes that end up costing him lots of time and money?
As a teenager and young adult, if my father or mother had talked to me when we were together just being family - having dinner, on vacation, whatever - when we were getting along, and there was an ‘opening’ I would have been receptive to hearing something like:“When I was your age I was going through a lot of what you’re going through now. Even though the world looks a lot different now, most of what people go through is basically the same growing up. I was trying to find out who I was, what I wanted out of life, and how and where I would - or wanted to - fit in. I know you want to be left alone to learn by yourself, but if you want to talk about any of it, or need help, I (we) will be here for you. Fair enough?”If your son is an adult, the same can apply, with somewhat different wording. You may have to wait for that ‘opening.’ Then talk, without judgement, about what he’s involved in, rather than about’him.’ And do it as if you’re equals, even if you’d never make those mistakes. But, remember, that’s you being smarter than that NOW, because you’ve been around more blocks than him. Sons and daughters have their pride with parents. That’s why they’ll generally take criticism better form a mentor adult than Dad or Mom. Try to treat him as if he were someone else’s son. But lecturing never helps.
How do you treat an abusive son in law when your daughter accepts the abuse?
I’m not a mother to a fully grown woman, I’m barely fully grown myself, but I have put my parents in a similar position.I got into an abusive relationship when I was 17. I ended up getting pregnant and having our child 24 days after my 18th birthday.The abuse was far and few between during the pregnancy. It was mostly emotional and financial abuse. Isolating me from everyone whom I knew and was comfortable with.3 days after giving birth, I moved into my parents with the baby and his father. That very night, my child’s father said he would “burn the house down with all of us in it” if our child didn’t have his last name.From this point, the abuse worsened.My parents despised my child’s father, but for my sake, bit their tongues.See, confronting abusers often only makes things worse for the victim of the abuse.You say your daughter ‘accepts’ the abuse, I say she’s probably frightened half to death but doesn’t even realise it’s abuse. She could also be trauma bonded with this man.The only thing I ever wanted my parents to do with my abusive partner was to be kind to him. Show no hostility. No judgement. Just pretend everything was normal.They agreed, because they didn’t want to push me into him further. Which essentially meant they enabled the abuse.There’s no easy way to decide what to do about your daughters abusive partner.You can be nice, or you can shut him out of your life. Either way, the abuse is likely to continue until your daughter contacts the right agencies for help.My advice to you would be to talk to a Women’s Aid center. Get as much information on domestic violence as you can. Plan a date and time when you and your daughter can meet privately, and share your concerns with her. Use the advice given from appropriate agencies and try to work out a safety plan for her to leave her partner, if that’s what she wants.The most important thing is that she knows just how dangerous domestic abuse is, even if it’s not physical yet.This is not an easy road to go down. Please be patient with her, but also try to ensure you are safe emotionally and physically, too.
How to relinquish legal guardianship, if no one is willing to take the minor.. is it possible?
I really need advice here, please I really appreciate any insight My aunt was killed 2 years ago and left behind her son who is now 16. When she died NO ONE wanted her son, to be honest when my aunt was alive not even she could deal with him, handle him, or stand him. He is a horrible person inside, and terribly angst. He made her life a living hell I made the hugest mistake of my life and at 23 I took him in. I thought maybe things would be better, I figured going thru the tragedy of losing his mom in such a horrible way would make him appreciate life, and make him a better person I was wrong, he has ruined my life, and my family. He doens't listen, he refuses to go to school, he is fat and lazy, doesn't clean after himself, doesn't do anything around the house, doesn't pitch in at all. Never has and I know he never will. I take away his phone, I take away his radio, nothing phases him.. it's like nothing matters to him. Nothing at all matters to him. He doesn't listen to counselors, he doens't care about anyone or anything. I want him out, but he is only 16. What are my options?? NO ONE will take him, we have a large family, and no one is willing to take him, no one can stand him, people want nothing to do with him. Am I stuck until he is 18 years old or is there something I can do? I don't have money to send him away to a military type of school, altho i think that would be the best thing to do. That is expensive, there is no way I can afford that. Please help, is there anything I can do??
Advice for dating a party girl?
I am a single guy that sees my son every other weekend, I have not introduced the girl to my boy since we have only dated about 2 months. The thing is on those weekends that I have my son she does nothing but party and drink to excess hanging with different male and female friends. I have no real reason to not trust her but yet it makes me very uncomfortable. I have expressed my thoughts on it and there is no change in her behavior. I feel it will be only a matter of time before there is "a drunken mistake" Should I just roll with it, make a stand, or just drop the whole situation and move on . We are very close in age and she has no children. Anyone been in a similar situation and have it work for he better? Am I being to pessimistic?
How do I make my husband see my mother-in-law's true personality?
This sounds real crazy. I wouldnt offer any advice but I d tell you what i would do to protect my dignity.Start working. However small or big the salary is join something. This will give you a direction to be independant & to divert your mind away. Remember, this might create more problems for you from your MIL but this would help stand on your legs when there is no hopeIgnore your MIL. I repeat. Dont let her get you. Your feelings thoughts and emotions are internal to you. Dont let external factors affect you. Start meditatingIf your husband is a nice guy. Start loving him without any expectations. He will slowly love you back and without asking he would start shielding you. ( unfortuantely this would take time and high level of patience from you)Tell your friends about the situation and be ready for emergency help. With a single message or call.Dont be alone. Learn some hobby and entertain yourself. This is one way you can make her jealous. Negative people wont like if someone is content and happy before themLive for yourself. Find the ultimate happiness in spreading joy in whatever way you likeDont worry about others. If they are listening to a third person and forming opinions about you they are not worth knowing you. Just keep going the way you naturally are and slowly they’ll come around.I have a feeling that your husband is already aware of his Mother’s attitude. Thats the only reason he is giving deaf ear. Otherwise he would equally get curious to know whats going wrong.A friend of mine has come out of an unhealthy relationship and she constantly inspires me with her fervour(by making a choice at age of 24 to file a divorce) courage and compassion(does volunteering at orphanages and animal welfare). She tells me Hardships are given to people who have the courage to withstand them and emerge as winners. She is grateful for this life and its virtuesShe was and is a winner to me. Never let anyone tell you what you are and what you arent capable of. Believe u are a self sustaining power. Trust your instincts. If your husband doesnt cater for your safety happiness and trust i dont see a future there.Lots of prayers and courage to you. Please let me know if you want someone to talk to & unload burden.
My son's girlfriend is pregnant, I have a suspicion that she got pregnant on purpose any advice on what to do?
My son and his girlfriend found out about a month ago that she's pregnant. They've been dating for about 3 years, he's only 21 years old, and his girlfriend is 23. I'm not happy about it at all obviously, because I think he's way too young and I'm a mother of 2 children (also a 17 year old daughter) and I was never married so I know how hard it can be. I tried to teach my son about the need for abstinence and, as an alternative, about the need for condoms, but I guess boys will be boys. *sigh* So they're making the best of it. He claims it was just an accident and that she was taking the birth control pill and these things happen. But a few days ago I ran into the mother of one of my son's girlfriend's best friends that I got to know over the years. She mentioned the pregnancy and congratulated me and said how great it was, etc etc. I told her that I was crazy about the whole thing. The she told me, "oh really, well I know how much Terri (my son't girlfriend) wanted to have a baby soon, so I'm happy for them." I was floored!!! I didn't say anything to either her or to my son yet, but I don't know what to do!! I know for a fact my son didn't want to have a child yet, so if him girlfriend stopped taking her pills without telling him and effectively ruining his life, that was a real evil thing to do!!! My son goes to school part time and works part time. His girlfriend just graduated from college and works full time, so they should be ok financially, but not great. So what should I do about all this? Thanks, Beth