Should a student ask a teacher to hang out outside of school? If so..how?
So, here's the deal. I'm a high school senior and have a teacher that I had a few years back who I think is really cool. We are both females so there's no risk of a relationship. She is married and I have a boyfriend. I wasn't the best student in her class so I have been trying to act better towards her. Mostly, I realize that I am graduating in a few months and know that I'm never going to see her again. This upsets me. She has helped me out with a few school assignments and I was in her class, but we aren't very close. She is a very nice woman and doesn't have any kids, so it's not weird that she would be hanging out with a girl her daughter's age. I am almost 17 and she is about 40 years old. I want to tell her that I think she's great and I'm going to miss her when I graduate. I want to avoid her saying "stop by the school when you can and say hi" because those conversations never last and you can only do it a couple times before it gets weird. She is my all time favorite teacher and it would be awesome to get to spend time with her even after I graduate, but I don't want to cross any inappropriate borders, get her into trouble or make her uncomfortable. Overall, I don't want to ask her and have her say "no". That's really embarrassing and I don't know how I'd recover from that incident. What do I do? Should I ask? How should I?
What do teachers do when they see students outside of school?
Teachers often run into their students on the streets, in social situations when they live in the community they teach in, at stores, and so-on. If their students are children of their friends, they establish clear borders between their releationships at school and in other situations. It often happens, the some kids are on a first name basis with their friends’ children, but in school there are protocols and customs about maintaining proper “in school” relationships. Sometimes, even teachers’ own kids call them Mr. or Mrs. in school. Smart teachers establish clear boundaries, often explicitly, with students they know as neighbors and friends.As someone else pointed out, clear (and legal) boundaries circumscribe the relationships between teachers (as well as other adults) and children. If you’re a student, you can do your teachers a great service by not seeking to cross these boundaries. Teachers know what the boundaries are and, usually, do their best not to cross them. Doing so can cost them their careers and even their marriages.When you casually run into your teachers in stores or around town, greet them in the same way you would other adults you know. Say, “Hi!”, chat for a second or two and move on. You’ll find you relationships with teachers in school will be better if you keep them appropriate out of school.
Why can't students be friends with their teachers?
When I was a young teacher there were a few students that I became friends with, but we were very close in age back then. Now I'm married with kids and am at least 30 years older than most of my students. Even though I enjoy many of my students in class, the age difference is too great to have much in common. Occasionally a former student will come back to see me and we’ll catch up on things but that's about it. I notice the younger teachers at my school tend to have a closer relationship with their students than what I have, and I understand that because that easily could have been me at their age.Anyway, for me it's age difference. A little of it is also wanting to maintain a professional relationship with my students and not have favorites. Lastly, many of my students are now the same age as my own kids. I feel like I'm an extended parent rather than a friend.Let me add one more thing. Even though you might grow fond of your teacher and the memories you've made in high school, I think you'll find that your priorities will change once you graduate. You'll go to college, you'll make new friends, you'll get a job, and you'll see that your life will become very different. High school, once you graduate, will not be the same anymore, and I think many students who intended on keeping in touch with their teachers, will find new priorities and move on with their lives.
Can a student and teacher be friends?
No, you cannot be friends. That being said, she can be kind to you. She can care about you. She can look out for you. She can want good things for you. She can function as a mentor and a role model to you. But remember that none of these things automatically equal "friendship" - she is doing her job as a teacher and as a nice human being by being kind to you. There is a big difference between being FRIENDLY and being a FRIEND. She is being "friendly" to you but she is not your "friend." You can ask her for advice. You can consider her a role model. You can joke around with her a little bit. You can ask her for help when you really need it. But, no, you are not "friends." She is a teacher and you are her student. A friendship is inappropriate ... both because of your roles, and because you are a child and she is an adult. She could get in a lot of legal trouble for calling herself your "friend." And she isn't your mom, or a surrogate mom. I'm sorry that you have a bad relationship with your parents, but you cannot just go substitute a kind teacher for a mother figure. That's inappropriate and it's not the same thing. You are desperately looking for something that just isn't there, honey. Don't take it personally. She isn't refusing to be your friend because she doesn't like you ... she's refusing to be your friend because it's not appropriate. And because at this stage in your life, a teacher/adult should not be your friend. Healthy adults do not want/need to be friends with children. An adult who seeks out friendships with children has something mentally wrong with them. Please respect what she's said. By all means, continue to have a nice cooperative relationship with her. And by all means, if there is something BIG going on in your life (abuse, mistreatment, a big personal problem, harmful thoughts, etc.), confide in her and ask her for help. At graduation, write her a nice note thanking her for her kindness. But if you are looking for a "friend," then find someone your own age. Or write in a journal if you need to unload. But you should not be treating her like a friend, because she's not. She's your teacher and you are the student. You need to keep appropriate boundaries between the two of you.
Is it ok for a teacher and a student to be close friends?
You need to be aware that a very tiny number of teachers will use these methods to groom a child for future sexual abuse. You may think that because you are both female that this will not be an issue. However, there are cases where sexual abuse of a female student from a female teacher has occurred. In one, a female teacher became friendly with an entire family, but ended up sexually abusing one of the daughters. As far as I know, these events happened in the family home of the student. It is a little unclear from your answer the nature of the 'friendship'. I myself live in a small town, and so I have been involved in playing sports with students, including on the same teams. Lots of teachers are also sporting coaches, just like your teacher.Also, in a small town, there will be students who arrive at high school that the teachers have known since they were babies, simply because the teachers have been friends with the parent. They are of course, already friendly towards the child.The question is, has your teacher singled you out to become her friend in a 'special' way that would not be how she views another student. Are you spending time outside of wrestling and school together? Is this time in the company of other adults and/or other students? Or are you alone together during this extra time? Are you friends on social media? This is illegal in some places, for good reason. Do you text each other? Again, this is illegal in some places. Do you contact each other using any other form except both of you using your legitimate school email which is monitored? Again, in some places this is illegal.If you are spending time alone with your teacher on a regular basis, and any of the other signs are present, this could be the beginning stages of grooming. If your teacher is your class teacher and your wrestling coach, and spends time openly chatting to you, and is not seemingly intent on organising alone time, then this is fine.However, you need to realise that this teacher would likely simply be encouraging you to do your best and negotiate life. Most teachers are NOT grooming their students, but what you think is a special friendship in that case would not be special for the teacher. She is likely just treating you as well as every other student and you are reading more into it.You should not be thinking about this teacher as the most special person in your life either. You should hopefully be making other friends at school and at the wrestling club.
Can teachers be friends with a student?
Some of the responses assume that “friends” = “sex.” That’s a wild leap!!Teachers and students can be friendly — share information on some outside-of-subject and outside-of-school subject — what activities does the student enjoy — what is some of the teacher’s background, favorite books, movies? What are the student’s goals and interests?However, if this means that the teacher is going to share any gossip or conversation that the teacher wouldn’t want to repeat in front of the whole class or parents or the principal, the answer is “no.”If this means that the student is going to be “a favorite,” the answer is “no.”If the teacher isn’t going to keep a clear physical distance from the student, the answer is “no.”If the teacher plans on meeting the student outside the school, the answer is “no.”
Teacher/student being friends after graduation?
Okay so I have this teacher. (For the record- we are both females). I am very close to her. I graduated out of the school last year. I visit her after school and we talk for hours. We tell each other a lot, and we both trust each other. We don't hang out or anything, though. I am in high school and she is a young teacher. We call each other on our birthdays too (Me and one other girl who was also very close to her have her mobile number- she does't give it out to just anyone). We usually email back and forth to keep in touch during the summer as well. We also joke around a lot and we know each other very well and can know when we're kidding around. Once she came to my sports game and stayed for a while, which meant a lot to me. I look up to her and hope to be like her someday when I get older. She is very friendly towards me. I can see us catching up over coffee when I am 18, and someday possibly even inviting her to my wedding (although it's very far away). She always wants to meet my boyfriends (usually she doesn't end up doing that) but I tell her a lot about them and stuff and we vent and all that jazz. Anyway. So my questions. 1. Do I have to wait until I am 18? 2. TEACHERS only - - - How would you feel about this? Would it be awkward for you if you were in my teacher's situation? Or would you be okay with it? If I were to someday invite her to my wedding, would you decline or accept? I know it may be a little weird but we really are very close! Thanks!
Can you hang out with teachers outside of school?
I doubt your teachers will want to hang out with you outside of school. It is dangerous to hang out with children outside of school since a teacher never knows what he or she may be implicated of. Your teachers may like you, but probably only as a student in their classes. Join clubs or organizations to make friends within your age range.