How can you defend yourself against someone who lies to get a restraining order against you?
Initially you really can’t if you don’t have proof that the person is lying. This has happened to me and it is horrible. If you don’t have children with the person be happy to abide by the order and stay far away.If you do have children your life will become a living hell trying to visit them. The liar may even include the children as protected parties to gain a custody advantage, as in my case.Also get a lawyer ASAP if a bogus PFA is filed on you. If finances are tight, you might be tempted to go this alone, but don’t. Max out the credit cards, call in favors from supportive family. My lawyer got an agreement to an extended temporary order instead of a permanent finding. This admits no wrongdoing and can eventually be expunged. The PFA could potentially affect my employment, so this was well worth the cost.We immediately filed a custody case next. My wife is trying to fight it, but the judge recognizing my rights to unsupervised visits despite the PFA situation. I already am having visits under a trial basis. The custody case is not finalized yet, so I am accumulating lots of damning evidence about my wife’s poor parenting and other manipulative behaviors in the meantime.I actually can’t wait for the next court case to see how she responds to some of the information I will provide the judge. People who are nasty enough to pull a stunt like this tend to reveal themselves over time. So its never too late to fight such a person, but you need to relentlessly investigate (call schools, doctors, and therapists) and document everything you can.My only recourse regarding my property loss from this will be filing for a divorce. We will both lose out financially, like everyone does in a divorce (her probably more). However, right now under the PFA, the financial loss is all one-sided on me. She sure isn’t rushing to file. It sucks, but I’m focusing on the kids first. They’re way more important to me.
What was the most emasculating moment in your life and how did you overcome it?
I was an incoming freshman in high school. And, for the FIRST time in my entire life…I was allowed ( VERY reluctantly ) to take physical education. The coach embarrassed the hell out of me.On the first day of class, the coach called me to the front of the ENTIRE freshman class of young men, placed an arm around my shoulder, and said, “Gentleman, I want all of you to meet Jim Bawden. He doesn’t HAVE to take P.E. He WANTS to. And, I want you to know…if he EVER gets hurt…I’ll have your ass! Jim has more guts than any two men I know.”Well, with THAT ringing endorsement of his confidence in me…coach swatted me on the fanny, ( Why do They DO that?) and sent me on the field to play football…with the REST of the young men.I was made a lineman. Running backs got hurt. Receivers got hurt. Corners and safety’s got hurt. But LINEMEN NEVER GOT HURT! What was even MORE embarrassing is when the ball WAS hiked, the offensive lineman back peddled AWAY from me…with his arms in the air…terrified I was going to get hurt.I was FURIOUS! After ALL THESE YEARS…I WANTED to Play Some FOOTBALL!…” HIT ME! God Damn It! HIT ME!”“ NO! Coach said You were NOT supposed to get hurt.”I SWORE to Him, even if I DID get hurt…I would REFUSE to say who it was that caused the injury.“ Okay…Just remember….You ASKED for it!”We came up to the line, crouched in our three point stance. The ball was hiked. I dashed forward. The offensive lineman dashed forward. Our shoulders SMASHED into each other.And…..I staggered off the field with a broken collar bone. And, true to my word…NO ONE got in trouble!In fact, I was proud as a peacock who scored in mating season. “ What happened to your arm? Why is it is a sling?Strutting My 98 pound frame, I LOUDLY announced…” I broke my collar bone…PLAYING FOOTBALL!”And, THAT my friend…is how handicapped kids rebound…if given even HALF a chance. Dad wanted to PULL ME OUT of P.E….. For the FIRST Time in My Life, I actually GLARED at Dad, and said, “ Uh Uh. NO WAY!!! When I HEAL…I’m Going RIGHT BACK IN THERE!”I took P.E. all four years I was in high school. My doctors threatened to report Dad to the legal authorities if I even TRIED OUT for an interscholastic sport. But, I was happy as a clam at high tide. I was Allowed to take P.E.Coach was wrong. It wasn’t guts. Courage had NOTHING to do with it. The ONLY reason I wanted to take P.E……was to try to be JUST LIKE All the OTHER guys.
If a restraining order says for me to not contact someone, can I still post about them on Facebook?
Yes, unless stated just posting on facebook about it would not violate most restraining orders. As you are not contacting them or attempting to you are safe from that. But you are not safe from a libel/slander lawsuit, which i bet the person might go there because they have shown that they will take legal action. A restrain order makes you look very bad in the eyes of the law so you likely get a harsher ruleing then if you didn't have one. Depending on what you did if the reason for the order was non-violent or non-threat, non-stalking you could have tried a counter order as in file a restrain also. But honestly your best interest is just to move on. Yea you made a bad mistake but learn from it and never put yourself in a position where someone feels unsafe around you. Pay attention to any clues that say go away and do just that. Attend anger management or therapy of some kind to help get you to get over or move on with your life and sometimes thats just a good way to get a impartial ear to bitch too. Whatever you did dont do it again