What do you get when you add “with a chainsaw” to the title of the last book you read?
Clash of kings…with a chainsaw.That actually sounds pretty cool to me. I'm imagining a couple of young virile men, young kings named David and Goliath, hopped up on testerone Goliath challenges the much bigger David to a duel to the death for the hand of the woman they both love, Gwyneth.Gwyneth was betrothed to David but she doesn't truly love him, her heart belonging to the poorer, kinder more studly Goliath. The night before the duel she hatches an ingenious plan. She invites David into her bedchamber to try and sabotage his chainsaw and his chances of winning. She ravages him all night and while he's asleep and satisfied she finds his battle chainsaw and cuts the fuel lines… or so she thinks.Plot twist it was the wrong damn chainsaw, her ploy was for naught in fact it has incensed the brute of a man she does not love, Goliath on the other hand is broken when he learns of what Gwyneth has done.Gwyneth is distraught and certain she has to make things right.The battle is fought hard and fought long, chainsaws clashing in the heat of the highnoon sun, the smell of petrol and burning metal enveloping all around. David descends upon a broken Goliath,blood spewing from his absent left leg, a mad glint in his attackers eye. David prepares to fell his foe, revving his chainsaw to the delight of the onlooking crowd, cheers ring around the arena. He turns ready to strike and then…then…he stops, lifting his left arm to shield his eyes, chainsaw revving by his side drops with a thud.AhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhDavid let's out a blood curdling scream, Goliath seizing his opportunity, Davids own chainsaw cutting through its masters flesh, blood and bone, two stumps turning the sand beneath his dismembered feet a deep shade of crimson.Joint by joint Goliath moves up Davids body, dismembering him much to the delight of the blood thirsty crowd and to the chagrin of his love, Gwyneth, her feelings souring toward him in the wake of his sadistic dismembering of his foe.This is not the man she fell in love with and she could never look at him the same again. Falling into drink, drugs and depression Goliath is heartbroken, realising he can't go on any more he falls on his own chainsaw a broken man.The end.