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Could You Help Me Edit My College Essay

Can you help edit my college essay? Any help is appreciated!?

It is April 2009. I am on a college tour sponsored by my [high school] and have stopped at the University of Central Florida. My first impression is, “Wow! This campus is enormous!” Once I get a grip on myself, I realize that the campus is beautiful and extremely clean and modern. In the next 3 days, our school would visit six other campuses; none more impressive than UCF.

Everything from its impressive fountain to its landscaping is exhilarating. Knowing that one day I may be able to run into the fountain for “Spirit Splash” was almost too much to handle. The UCF campus oozes spirit in all aspects of its campus and the students beyond a doubt are the most personable. Our tour guides did not try to wow us with facts and statistics, and instead led us through the campus and let it do the talking. The entire campus exudes confidence and pride, and the look on everyone’s face says it all. UCF offers an extensive selection of majors, which means a lot to me, as I am currently “undeclared” and still searching for the perfect major.
Personally, UCF is my number one choice [delete comma] because of its beautiful and modern campus, the extensive list of programs available, and how nice and engaging the students are. UCF set the standard for the rest of my trip[.] I found myself comparing all the other schools to UCF and wondering how fun it would be to run into that fountain!

I made some corrections. You can decide if you agree with them.
Hope this helped!
Great essay!

Can you help me edit and revise my college essay?

You need a major re-write. Hard to believe you aspired as a 7 y o. Too much unnecessary stuff, and poor word choices. Also no need for the blow by blow of what you did to succeed (5 8 hr classes). You mentioned the scorching hot day, but idk what you did that day.

Do not use contractions. COULD HAVE ...

Help me edit my college essay please?

Hi: You are off to a good start and overall you are presenting yourself as a very competent and mature teen! What fun to book rock bands and be taken so seriously at your age!

The introduction needs to be much stronger and more need a hook to keep the reader interested. Most kids feel the same way you do when entering high school so to start off by saying you were not happy with yourself is too common.....even though its the truth!

Consider writing your story backwards............

Here's an idea:

This morning started out like most every day; juggling texts, cell calls and tweets from some of Boston's top rock bands and managers from the hottest venues in town! By eleven o'clock, I had successfully negotiated a gig with XYZ Band to play at the Paradise Rock Club in Kenmore Square. Initially they were unwilling to reduce their fee, but after guaranteeing them a Public Relations blitz before their show dates, I was able to pull it off! Another satisfied customer! How the heck did I get here at just seventeen years old?

Like most kids, entering high school was exciting, but staying there felt like I had just been given a prison sentence.

(Next, just a few sentences about the struggle and then jump to the solution and move on to what worked and why. Summarize with a few examples of success and mention a dream or two of what you see yourself doing next.)

Admissions Counselors love kids like you.......entrepreneurial and passionate!.........have you considered Babson College in Wellesley?

Best of Luck!!!

College Essay Lady

Can you help me edit my college admissions essay?

college admissions essay! wowza. i mean i would because im nice like that (not trying to be full of myself) but i really dont have time. but i WOULD.

Can someone help me edit my college application essay?

I'm writing a paragraph of college application essay. Why do you want to go to college? What do you want to study and why?
Here's my essay:
When I was in grade 9, I think that going to college is not an important thing. I can have a shop of my own as long as I have a skill, making jewelry. But as I grew older, I realize that going to college is so important. Although I can make and design jewelry, my techniques didn’t improve at all. I found that the things I drew were all in the same style and making similar jewelry all the time is boring. From that time on, I decided to work hard to get into the school I want. Going to college can help me improve my skills and I could learn a lot of new things. In college, I want to study product design, or maybe furniture design instead of jewelry design. I didn’t choose to study jewelry design because I hope I could learn more things about design. For jewelry design, I could continue learning that outside of school and as I learn through college, my drawing skills and the creativity will definitely improve.

Help me edit my college application essay?

College application essay

“Looks like this will be the last one of these you have to come to” said Mr. Woodward to me with a big smile on his face. He was talking about an IEP meeting and how I would never have to do one again. To most people this means nothing and to some people might now even know what it mean but none the less this moment was the most proud I have ever been.
IEP stands for Individualized Education Program which in short terms means students with special needs. I was one of those kids ever since second grade and I never thought I was “slower” but you have to take in consideration when a child is in 4th grade and can barely read that something is defiantly wrong. I don’t think it was because I was ‘special’ it could had very well been from my late of caring and my parents not pushing me but whatever the reason was I was behind everyone else.
Middle school was the hardest time in my life and I think it’s that way for a lot of kids. You’re going through crazy things and it can be very stressful. About that time I settled with the fact I was just… well “dumb” and I gave up for the most part. It wasn’t till high school I realized I shouldn’t be put with that group of kids. Now, that sounds pretty harsh but I always felt like I wasn’t being pushed and tested. Everything was so easy and I got bored very easy.
From then on I was determined to prove I could handle a biggest responsibility because I knew I was just as smart as everyone else! I began to give 100% and for some of my favorite classes I gave even more. Then near the end of my junior year all the hard work had paid off. I went to my last IEP meeting. Now, in my senior year I’m still pushing myself and haven’t let up an inch. I’m taking a AP history class, I’m in a advanced group in my English class and determined to make it into a good college. All these things I never thought possible four years ago.

Can you help me edit my college application essay?

Thank you for the A2A. I am not sure I can be of much help to you at the moment as I am unsure whether this essay is for a specific scholarship program for a specific school, whether it is for a national program of some sort or whether it is an answer to the common application prompt or something altogether different. What I can say at this point is that you have an outline of essay that might help you, but it is not specific enough to convince me you will persuade people to give you funding. Your battle with Crohn’s is something that will be looked at carefully if you can be more specific about how this has affected you, not just as a student but as a person. You say you have had to learn what’s important to you but most of what you have written is abstract rather than specific. I don’t get much of a sense of who you really are. The more detail you can provide about your life and experience the more this essay will speak to others in a way that will let them get to know you. The more you depend on abstractions the more the essay will come across as generic and this is not something you want.  Try to think of it this way. You have to make a two-minute video. Let those who read your words SEE the world you are in. Let them see, hear, touch your world with the details you provide. What does Crohn’s done that makes your world different than others? How have you coped specifically etc.? The more you let us into the world you live in the more it will speak to us. I hope this helps some. Best of luck.

How much does editing a college essay cost?

When you're ready for a fresh pair of eyes to look at your work, you’ll be faced with many choices. A good edit can do wonders for the success of your work, so it’s important to choose wisely. Although price is an important element in this decision, it's often complicated by the diversity and complexity of the services offered.How much editing costs often depends on the length of the document you want edited, the category of your work, and how quickly you want it completed. Some editing companies also offer different levels of service, so this adds another layer to the cost of editing.What Kind of Document Is It?Some editing services charge the same fee regardless of the type of document submitted, whether it is a high school student's essay, a safety manual, or a scientific article. Several companies break down their services according to document type, but their pricing schemes are not always transparent.How Much Does Editing Cost If I'm a Student?Many online editing services focus only on scholarly manuscripts or student work. For example, an editing company specializing in student editing may charge $40 for a 1,000-word document from a high school student with a 14-day turnaround to $164 for a PhD student with a 24-hour turnaround.How Much Does Editing Cost If I'm a Scholar?For academic editing for publication in scholarly journals, scholars may turn to specialty companies associated with academic presses. Such services can cost anywhere from $285 to $458 for a 1,000-word document, which is simply out of reach for many scholars.How Much Does Editing Cost If English Is Not My First Language?A few editing services—particularly those for scholars—provide English language assistance alongside more general editing. Services from academic presses can cost between $285 and $400 for 1,000 words. They also have longer turnaround times—generally between five and six days.How Much Does Editing Cost If I Need It Done Quickly? Will It Cost Less If I Can Wait?The price of editing can vary depending on how quickly you want your document back, and a faster turnaround time will cost more money than a shorter one. A $20 project over 15 business days will cost $80 with a five-day turnaround time.

Can somoene help me edit my college essay? HONEST responses please.......?

Its hard to edit it on here, but I used capitol letters to show you where i would make changes, and ** were the changes are. All the spelling is correct, and there are a couple repeated words, a comma that can be left out, and some minor changes. Overall, I think its a great essay =)

My family’s history and culture has influenced me in many ways. Part of what makes me who I am today is because of what my family has gone through and the way they strive for me to do my best. .................

The way my family’s history influenced me was how they struggled to make a living being immigrants in the United States. I come from a Haitian family, where in Haiti, going to college isn’t really seen as important or necessary as it is in the United States. Because of that mentality (particularly in my mother’s case), finding a job later in **DELETE THIS IN*in** life was always a struggle. Due to the hardships of finding a job, **LOWERCASE M*~~>M*y mother, sister and I were forced to move multiple times.**RUN ON SENTENCE** This led us to have a very unstable life, which took a huge toll on my younger sister and me. The way my mother had struggled motivated me **DELETE SECOND ME**me* to be a stronger person and never to make the same choices as she **DELETE ‘HAD’**had
** made. That’s why I choose to go to college. I know that if I go to college and become a nurse **I will hopefully never suffer any economic hardships.

My family pushes me to be the best that I can be because of their lack of education. If I were to go to college **DELETE COMMA*,* I would be one of the first in my family to do so. This reasoning alone motivates me to succeed as the future generation. I hope to have a secure future, financially and stability wise, so my children will never have to go through the same things that my family and I **MADE HAS INTO HAVE*has* gone through.

I am very thankful for how my family has made me into the young woman that I am today. If **it** wasn’t for the way I have seen life from my family’s perspective, I honestly don’t know how my mentality would be today.

Please help me edit my college admission essay? 10 points?

Hi (: I'm 16 and this is the biggest college that I'll be applying to. I've already been accepted into my 2cnd choice, but I'm extremely nervous about this one. The prompt is:
Tell us about a person who has influenced you in a significant way.
I'm writing about my 23 year old brother who was extremely gifted and threw his talent away by making poor choices, now having nothing. This is just the introductory paragraph so I know you don't get the entire message, but this gives the general feel.
Though I only asked for editing, I'm more than happy to hear your ideas or opinions on the paper as a whole. Thank you very much for helping me!
Danielle :)

The year was 1995 when my brother, Dustin, received a congratulatory letter from President Clinton for having the highest ISTEP results in the nation. Dustin was nine years old at the time, and this was nothing new. He had always been the brightest in his class, so nobody was taken aback when he scored a 1450/1600 on the 2003 SAT; it was also fully expected when Dustin turned down a full scholarship from Florida State that year.
Though my family was fully aware of my brother's potential, he chose to earn poor grades throughout school and do the bare minimum in order to pass classes while attending countless parties and maintaining his spotless title of ''big man on campus''. After dismissing college, he continued these patterns of impressive laziness and a general uncaring for anything that didn't deal with a social circle. Drinking himself into a quality stupor while surrounded by pretty girls, he was having the time of his life. As time went on, so many people were drinking that it didn't make him any ''cooler'' than the common high school senior.
After beginning to smoke marijuana, he realized this too was not getting him the most social kudos and began using harder drugs: cocaine, LSD, etc. Dustin never obtained a degree, and to this day has never held a steady job. His apartment is government-funded, his friends he so hardly tried to impress are almost as long gone as his dignity, and he could've had the world. My brother wasted a beautiful mind, and he is the person whom has influenced me the most.