My boyfriend broke off with me as his dad disapproves of us because I am an Asian and he is a Caucasian. How can I salvage this relationship?
When I was 5 years old, my mother sent me to foster with her father (my grandfather), and from that point on the man raised and cared for me as if I were his own son. There is no one that I have more respect and admiration for, hell, there's no one who even comes close. But when he kicked up a fuss about me dating an Irish girl, I told him that his prejudices were his problem, and that if he couldn't accept that then he could piss off and mind his own business. He kicked me out, and I spent the next 3 months sofa hopping with friends until he backed down.If your boyfriend can't or won't do that for you, then he doesn't deserve you, and you should do your best to move on and put him behind you. I don't know you, so for all I know you could be a really sweet and lovely girl, or a complete bitch. But one thing I do know, is that nobody deserves to be treated badly because of their ethnicity. And by not making the stand, even if it was a futile gesture, your boyfriend has accepted that bad treatment of you."The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke.
My parents disapprove of my boyfriend because his father cheated on his mother?
I am sorry that your parents are so judgemental when they really don't have anything to judge your boyfriend on. He can't help the fact that his father was a cheater. I was divorced from my boy's father when he left me for my best friend. My boys are now adults and take marriage very seriously and their commitment has never been taken lightly. (Both are married and they are very good husbands; they wouldn't think of hurting their wives and destroying their families because they know what it does to the children; they have been there.) Do not fall for their attempts to discourage you from having this man in your life. If he is your choice for a mate; stick with it. He can prove himself to them by his actions. I am sorry they won't even give him a chance. You and he are the only ones who can make a decision on what you want out of marriage and how you will deal with your choices. Divorce happens for many reasons and it is not fair for people to judge something like that on their own prejudice feelings. I am sure that your boyfriend knows more about divorce and how it hurts the children than anyone in your family does. He will work harder to see that his family is stable and that noone has to endure the pain that he has seen. Go for what you want out of life. Tell your parents that you love them dearly but that they are making a serious error in judging someone who they have not and choose not to meet. Tell them that you will decide what your future holds, with or without their approval. Let them know that your first loyalty will be to your husband if they choose to exclude him from their lives and that the decision that they make will be the determining factor in whether or not you will have an active part in their lives. This is very sad and very unfair but they are asking you to choose between the love of family and the love of a partner. They need to reconsider their behavior. Good luck to you.
What bands do your parents(should I say mother) disapprove of you listening?
my parents dont like noise bands or cursing my mom likes wilco, grandaddy, radiohead and sea wolf. she's like a sea wolf fan girl. i always make her new cds to listen to in the car. for some reason she didnt like sigur ros which surprised me. today i got kicked out of my house unexpectedly. so i had to get all of my stuff out and i hadnt slept the previous night. i ended up passing out after two trips to my parents house and back. then tonight i had no where to go so i went to my friend's brother's house, then walmart, then a park at 3:00 in the morning. now im at my parent's house again.
I'm 19, my parents disapprove of having a boyfriend. What should I do?
This is a difficult situation. I would hope that eventually you would meet and fall in love with someone that would be "one of the family". Here is the thing, you are of the age to date. You are going to have a very hard time staying single until you are ready to marry in another 5 to 10 years. I know that when I was 19 I sort of needed a bit of romance and dating. It would have seemed horrible to abstain from love and romance for several more years. Your parents have set up a situation where you are going to have to keep part of your life hidden from them. You are not going to be able to bring a guy home or dish with your mother about your latest beau. You are going to have to keep all that quiet and separate. Love your parents, see them often but you have to get on with your life. If they ask why you are being secretive tell them that they made it clear you had to keep this part of yourself separate. Maybe with time, when you are older or closer to marrying age they will be more agreeable to meeting your boyfriends. But for now this is the way it seems it has to be.
Parents disapprove of interracial relationship?
He's black, I'm white. They know him quite well and guys just don't come much better than him. They like him a lot but once I told them we're dating, my dad strongly disapproved. He said he would support my decision either way but I can't invite my boyfriend over or go out with him knowing how my dad feels... He aid he hates seeing us even hugging hello or goodbye. I don't want to break up with him, my friends are also supportive, but my parents approval means a lot to me.
What do I do when my parents strongly disapprove of someone who is the love of my life?
First of all, I've always grown up very close to my mom. My dad, not so much because he is a working man but he has always been on the stricter side in terms of planning out my future, only allowing me to hangout with certain types of friends, having me dress a certain way, etc. Meanwhile, my mom has always been my best friend.Im a 20 yo female in love with a 27 yo male. Despite the age gap, there are also more unappealing factors to this relationship: he has tattoos (which my parents do not like), and no college degree—though he is very financially stable. There are many stigmas attached to these things and even I was not into him at all at first. However, he proved me wrong and turns out to be a very warmhearted wise guy. We've been dating seriously for a year now. I really do see a future with him and I know he does with me as well... Our values, humor, style is all on the same wavelength and I really do feel he is my soulmate. (Off topic but i believe in multiple soulmates and only have met two. my best friend and my boyfriend).About 5 months in, my father found out and threatened to take away everything he provides for me and possibly hurt my boyfriend. My boyfriend does feel it is unfair for him however he's expressed to me that he is willing to endure it and fight for us.The past 7 months has been really hard to lie to my parents especially my mom. But I felt like my parents gave me no option but to lie.. Ive slowly grown further from her because just talking to her makes me sad. A week ago my mom found out but said she won't tell my dad. She tells me to keep it as a "fling" and that I need to break up with him soon... I feel like my whole life I've always listened to my parents and they've also never trusted/believed in me unless I was following their wishes.My heart tells me that not only is this love worth fighting for but its also a chance for me to become the independent strong person I've always tried/wanted to be...like a sort of test for me. At the same time, I love my family and am so so grateful to my parents and everything they've done for me.. I don't want them to think I am ungrateful and I don't want to lose my relationship with my mom....I just really wish my parents could support me. Even if they don't fully approve, I wish they could get a chance to know him or even just let me be as they shake their head on the sidelines. The ultimatum between me(love) or my parents is really ripping my heart
Ive been feeling a bit bitter and angry over my dads disapproval of me having relationships with girls that are not my race. What can I do about it?
I had a mother who was very racist. She was a member of the KKK. When I was a child she taught me racial slurs and would encourage me to call black people racist names. I didn’t know better.When I was a little older, around 5, her parents started raising me, and they were racist too, but a different kind of racist. When I started school on the first day they instructed me, “There are all kinds of kids there at school but don’t talk to any of the black ones. They are trouble. You can’t make them your friends and you can't be boyfriend and girlfriend with them.”As I was going to school my natural inclination was toward my own race through school until high school. When I was 16 I started liking a black guy at school. I made it a hypothetical question to my grandmother. “What if I told you I liked a black boy at school?” She said, “I’d disown you and tell you to leave here. I’d rather you tell me you were a lesbian.” I did the same hypothetical with my friends, some were cool, some were not. I remember some yelled at me and said such horrible degrading things to me that I cried and pretended I was telling a lie.I decided to trust who I could and live a lie. So from 16–30 I dated primarily black men. No one really knew. My grandparents had died. Then I got married to the black man I dated at 16. I never even invited anyone. I was truly scared of my mother and her violent temper. There was a good chance she would have killed us both. 3 days after the wedding I told her. She had a breakdown and went into a full on drug rage. She was hospitalized for 7 days. She had to be restrained. During that time she called me racist names and set my baby photos on fires, tried to cut the black orderlies or set them on fire. She blamed everything on me. She called me the most horrible names I’ve ever been called.I decided that day that I would never again be ashamed of who I am for fear of offending anyone. I had faced the worst abuse and name calling at the hands of my own mother. Anything anyone else had to say was absolutely irrelevant to me. It still is. My mother is gone now. My relationship ended also. I wonder if any of it was worth it because I hurt her so badly, but at some point, our parents must realize that children come through us not to us. We are our own people and it is our duty to live our own lives.You will decide when and if the day is right to tell your father. You will know when that time is right.
How do I deal with my racist dad’s disapproval of an interracial relationship?
You won’t convince him, so don’t bother. He has spent all his life believing the world is a certain way so the probability is that by this point no amount of reasoning will make him change his opinion.What you can do is go on with your life and hope that with time he will get to know your significant other on a more personal level and gradually open up to him or her. Trying to force the issue will only result in him becoming defensive and completely shutting the person out and you feeling deeply frustrated.It won’t garantee that things will go the way you want but at least it’s a plan. Be patient and give it time.
My 16 year old son said he was disappointed in me as a father. My wife and my friends think that I am a good dad. What should I do?
It is possible that all these perspectives are valud and have their place. Listen to him and find out from him what specifically he is not happy with. Show you respect his views and you accept this is how he feels. Do not try to defend yourself or prove your value as a father or disagree with him. Let him have his protest and disapproval but do not meet it with your own disapproval. Let it sink in and consider how it makes you feel. In what ways is he a mirror for you? Do you feel he is an accurate or an inaccurate mirror of how you have treated him over the years? You know the truth of this. If there is any validity in his comments you can accept them and make amends, and if there is not you know you have given him a fair hearing but you are not going to take these criticisms on board as they do not reflect who you really are.
My boyfriends mother cheated on his father, I don't know what to say?
So my boyfriend who is very close to his mother and walked in on his parents arguing 2 nights ago - and later found out that his mother had, had an affair with her "close friend". He always talks to me about the problems between his parents, how they both really love each other (and it is very obvious they do love each other), however, his father is ALWAYS at work. He has 2 younger brothers and a little sister and his dad has not been there for his little sister or youngest brothers first birthday and didn't even make it to his youngest brothers birth in may and saw her half an hour after he was born - purely because he is a surgeon at the hospital and was leaving work then and brang them home together. My boyfriend always says how his father is a workaholic - and had good reasons for this. He wants to give his wife and children everything and they do have a wonderful house and excellent education, not to mention medical care. But his mother obviously wants him around, which i completely understand. She feels very lonely and cannot cope with the kids all by herself - She also has just told my boyfriend that she is 11 weeks pregnant so has this added stress. She is very "close friends" with Josh's friends from schools dad (Josh is my boyfriends brother). He is a single dad and everytime I have ever been there they don't seem like anything but friends and he supposedly helps her out with the kids and around the house. My boyfriend claims his mother is not a liar (and she seems absolutely lovely, and very kind) so I kind of believe it too - But I really don't want to say anything incase it turns out its a lie or be horrible about his dad incase it turns out him and his dad are fine in the end. But she claims it was only once and that it was a moment of weakness when she was feeling alone and she hasn't spoke to him sinse as she believes he took advantage of her while she was very low emotionally. Will's dad left with Nathen (the youngest) and Lily his sister and stayed at my boyfriends grandparents sinse the arguement and says how could he trust his wife and trust that the child shes carrying is his. I really want to console him, and he keeps trying to console in me but I really don't know what to say. Its a very complex situation that I don't feel I can give an opinion on, but I can't not comfort my boyfriend. Ahh, thanks for reading all that!