If my boyfriend was abused by his dad when he was younger, could this be making him abusive towards me?
anger management. he needs to go see a professional,
What do u think how can single parenting can effect child's behavior negatively?
I personally think this is bs. Just because you are a single parent does not mean it will hurt your child emotionally. the task is harder for the father or mother. I think what occurs is that the parents might feel insecure and these feelings are caught by the child-not aware of it. from this all the possible problems we hear of. it depends on the relationship between the parent and the child. -being single parent is not a choice. if someone dies, is it your choice that they died? -if a relationship does not work with a person and it even becomes violent, is it even worth choosing to stay? these bad relationships are the culprits of the pain people and their children can feel. - when you are a single parent, you need to be careful who you date. you dont know what harm that person could do to you or your child. I think the best choice is to be single at times. I would not want my child to even know if I am dating a person, of course yes after things are settle between a guy and me. children dont know shttt and shouldnt go around judging their parents: I made that mistake when I was younger. my mom is not single though. but I did not met my father until I was 14. when I was like 12, I thought mom refused to let him see me. why did I thought this? because the people in my family did not told me the truth nor did they opt for shutting their mouth. it turns out my father did not believed my mom was pregnant because of him so he pushed her away. My aunt had once told me that my mom did not want him to know me. see, the problem is what you tell the child to supposedly protect them.
Why do abusers blame the victim for their abusive behaviour?
It’s a way to dominate the other person and to deflect blame from themselves. People who are abusive often have either a poor sense of self or a grandiose vision of themselves as being better than others. They have trouble controlling their emotions and actions. They don’t want to face themselves or take responsibilty for their behavior, so blaming it on others is a way of avoiding feelings of guilt and of looking at themselves too closely.I’m so very sorry that you’re in this relationship, but you need to know that verbal abuse often escalates over time and leads to physical abuse. As the self esteem of the abused sinks lower and lower with each attack, and as the abused comes to accept the abuse as normal, the abuser pushes more and more boundaries, testing to see what he or she can get away with. Thus the pattern of escalating abuse starts and continues to grow worse over time until the abused victim has no self esteem and just endures.You have to love yourself enough to stop this cycle, either by ending the relationship or by letting the abuser know in no uncertain terms that you will no longer tolerate this behavior from him. Let it be known that you will take action should he cross the boundaries you’ve set. Then stick with the action you chose. Don’t backslide or capitulate to his apologies or demands. There are many psychology books that detail the traits and patterns of abusers and abusive relationships. please read one…or ten. And stop blaming yourself for his actions. It’s his behvaior, not yours that causes what has been happening to you.Best of luck, From someone who has been there and cares.
Do narcissists ever regret discarding anyone? Do they think back on how good they were to them or the memories they shared together?
I actually think yes. But I think it happens once everyone has deserted them.Story time…See, I think the Devil has his sordid little way with them and they are completely compliant in dong “the Devil’s bidding” for whatever reason. You know…torturing human beings and that kind of thing. But that ol’ Devil’s a sneaky bastard. Once he uses up the narcissist- once that narc gets old, used up, ugly and worthless, BAM!! The discard! Same thing they did to you and me.But not only that, NOOOOO… The Devil’s gonna torture them with all their misdeeds and the fact that they were despicable and not one soul on earth loves them. He will bring constant reminders of why no one loves them, all their misdeeds will be revisited constantly, like a haunting. The Devil- who taught the narc the skill of back stabbing and knife twisting- will do the same to the used up narcissist. I surely don’t envy being in those shoes.You don’t really have to believe in the Devil here. That’s just one (interesting) perspective. But truly, when life quiets down as a narcissist ages- there is more time for the narcissist to be “alone” with him/herself. That’s what they spend their lives running away from. But when they are old and alone- all the commotion stops and there they sit: with themselves and the voices...And one last thing. You can dream that you and your narc will be elderly and reunited one day, after the regret has taken hold, and that perhaps you will die in each other’s elderly arms, having finally reconciled and learned to love each other fully…. not gonna happen. What WOULD happen, is it would be GAME ON for the narc to start treating you like garbage again. (And I’m sorry, because there is no happy ending for any of us with a narcissist.)The End
Christians: Do you spank your kids?
King James Version (KJV): Prov 13:24: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (diligently)." Prov 19:18: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying." Prov 22:15: "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." Prov 23:13: "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die." Prov 23:14: "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Shoel)." Prov 29:15: "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." Hebrews 12:6-7: "...the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?" I think you need to decide for yourself but keep in mind that the Bible is very specific about the topic. There are kids that respond very well to other forms of discipline but almost every kid at some time or another does something that deserves a strong message of correction. Consequences are a direct result of our own actions. Kids CRAVE boundaries. They need to know what is acceptable and what is not. They'll always push the envelope to get bigger boundaries, but they are happier and better adjusted when they know what is expected and and acceptable. Consistency is important because they know what actions create what consequence. I don't think there is a fine line between spanking and abuse. I feel the line is pretty black and white and VERY WIDE! A spank is just that, a Spank. Correction is NOT beating, it's not punching, it's not repeated swating and I think as adults, we all have the capacity to determine the difference. If you can't stop at a simple spank, maybe you should question your own motives. Are you spanking out of anger or are you providing a clear consequence for an action? It should NEVER be out of anger. And believe me, we are human and kids will anger us. So get right with yourself and God BEFORE you take your anger out on your kids.
I'm writing an apology letter to my dad, please read and tell me if it sounds okay?
Renee, I read your letter and as a father of 4 (only one daughter)... your letter brought me to tears. My daughter is only 9 and has been a very good little girl, but I can imagine myself in your father's place and it's heart-breaking. If I received your letter from my daughter, no matter the past, I would open my heart and my arms to welcome her back. I read the answers some of the others left, some were very hurtful, others were just plain mean. No one can expect you to be perfect and your father certainly doesn't. You will have times when you make mistakes. Learn to listen to your parents. Hear what they say and learn from the lifetime of experience they have. Love them. Love yourself. Let the past flow away like a river. May you have a blessed lifetime. If you'd like advice on this, you can write me - barryoffshore@yahoo.com
Should I forgive my abusive father now that I am an adult?
I had a very abusive father as well. Emotionally and physically abused by him and almost a sexual abused.i have all the reasons to hate him and not to forgive him and no one can blamed me for that.I even prayed for his early death because I can't stand seeing him and living with him everyday.no one can understand pain I am feeling inside bcoz I am physically and emotionally drained.I ask God “why you gave me this kinda such father?I was too young and innocent to bare this pain?”then I decided to go live alone.i went very far from to find myself.but what I found was piece of mind.i didn't force myself to forgive him but God helps me to forgive what he did and what he had done to me.God did not let me carry my burdens aloneHealing your wounds will help you to forgive him.and only time can heal you from your suffering just trust and have faith in GodGod is always with you if you open your heart and let him in.