Dealing With Mourning What Do I Do

Loss, Grief, Bereavement and Mourning: How can a child help a parent deal with the passing of a grandparent?

Good ideas from Anon User. Remember, too, that grief is a normal response to a "catastrophic" event. The loss of a mother, for many people, is especially hard. So many factors influence how any individual "deals" with a death, but understand that there is no set pattern, no set schedule. It does, however, take time. The idea that bereaved people, especially close family members, would be in "mourning" -- with their social schedules and obligations curtailed -- for a year recognized this fact. Nowadays, you're lucky of you get three days off from work.  Your mother will likely go through phases of fluctuating levels of distress over the death -- it may become especially acute around holidays, anniversaries of important family events, her birthday, your grandmother's birthday, any "big" occasions like graduations, weddings, births, etc. in the family. The absence of a beloved family member will be keenly felt at these times.  Other times, there may be no obvious trigger for a sudden "grief wave." Your job in all of this is to supportive, to not deny the severity or appropriateness of your mother's suffering. Don't diminish or trivialize the pain by suggesting that she should be "getting over it by now." (Your question indicates that you wouldn't, but just saying!) Friends and colleagues may try to deflect or distract when your mother feels upset -- it's because her pain makes them feel uncomfortable. Give your mother the gift of space to feel bad.  It is possible for bereavement to be "complicated" or evolve into a real clinical depression. If you get the sense that your mother's grief is severly hampering your mother's ability to function over a long period of time, or if she seems to be feeling worse over time rather than better, you might encourage her to seek out some grief counseling. There are social workers and therapists who specialize in grief therapy (and I would recommend a specialist), but also many many hospice organizations offer grief support groups and one-on-one counseling for free or for a very nominal charge, even if your grandmother was not cared for by the hospice. Contact your state hospice association to ask for a referral.

How do you deal with grief? How do you push through the pain? How do you wall it off?

Don’t wall it off. That doesn’t work. Oh, it will for a while, but then something in life will cause the wall to break and then you have an avalanche of emotions to deal with. I suggest you talk to a counselor. It can really help. If that is not a possibility, please consider writing your loved one a letter. Pour out all your pain, all you anguish about being left here alone, don’t worry about grammar or if you swear or not, but let it all out. Have a good cry, put the letter aside. If you need to feel the pain again, or to add to it, do it. Then the next day, grab paper again and start with PS: . Writing out your pain is like mindreading yourself. It can help by venting, and you might learn what you are feeling and why.Another idea would be be Google they type of loss you had. “Mother loss” or “father loss”. It can help to read what others in the same boat have written in blogs. There are a plethora of books on grief as well. They can help, and they allow you to grieve in private just as writing does. If the book gets too intense, shut it.Please know that the only way to the other side of grief is through. You will heal if you work on your grief. You will eventually reconcile your grief and learn to live with the absence of your loved one. Ultimately, you will learn that the grief has made you into a better version of yourself. I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel.If I can help further, please send questions/comments in the reply section.I am deeply sorry for you loss.Hugs,Laurie

How do anxious people deal with grief?

Of course it's normal to feel sad over someone you miss.I have had very severe anxiety since I was just a child, and I am coming into my 20s this year now.Surprisingly, given my age, my first experience with grief was just around Christmas time last year. My great grandmother was old, 97 and had dementia and was merely just a body lying there. She had been gone for a long time mentally. she was one of those women who kept going so long that I was convinced she would never die. I was also 100% sure I would be fine. She was old and I know the concept of death.Boxing Day morning, 10:30 am my grandmother came over (her daughter) telling us that she had died. I was fine to start, put on a brace face. I didn't cry I just accepted it. My boyfriend was on his way to pick me up for the Boxing Day sales- she would have wanted me to keep going with life so I did.Well, about 2 weeks later it hit me. Being an anxious person myself I started consuming my life thinking about death, I became scared of it and started having panic attacks and became very depressed, again.I think the moral of the story is that I should have expressed my feelings earlier. Instead I bottled it up and let it linger, very much like you. Even though there's nothing you can do about it, it's healthy to express your emotions. It doesn't make you a stronger person by bottling it up. Talk to someone, let it out, cry, rip up paper. Do whatever it takes to make you feel better.