Did I Use To Have A Eating Disorder

How long will it take to get an eating disorder?

As someone who can no longer have children and who has permant damage to my heart, my heart hurts for you for requesting this.It can happen overnight. It can happen in a day. It can happen in a week. It can happen in a month. It can happen in a year. My point is, no two people will ever experience an eating disorder the same way. We are humans, and even though we are all made up of the same molecules and other bits of sciency stuff, we are all individuals, our lives will never take any of us on the exact same path.Now I do not know you. I do not know if you are asking for this because you desire to have an eating disorder, or if you are concerned about a loved one who you suspect may be experiencing one. But my advice stays the same. See a professional for help. Please.Eating disorders are not a “get skinny quick” scheme. They are not something that is going to make you “unique” or “edgy” or give you any sort of true joy.Eating disorders are a good way to ruin your life. They are the mental illness with the highest death rate. They are not glamorous. They are not beautiful. They are not what you or anyone you know deserve.But if you or anyone you know does have an eating disorder, it does not make them any less of a beautiful human being. It does make them a human being who needs help. If they (or you) are like myself, the help will not be well received. But if getting that help saves someone from going through the pain of losing their hair, their skin flaking, constant bruises, yellow fingernails, depression and so many other things, then it's worth fighting for.I'm just a stranger on the internet. But I care about you and your friend if there is one. I know that somebodies comment on the internet may just make you laugh it off and say “who the hell does she think she is, saying this sort of stuff?”. But I truly do care.With love from a stranger.

How in the world did you hide your eating disorder?

For me, it wasn’t hard.I was in high school, at the time, so it was a little easier.I would leave before school and just say I’d get breakfast at school, or I’d pack something I’d inevitably give to a friend instead of eating.At lunch, I’d say I was doing homework or classwork and “forgot” to eat, or I’d offer it to a friend since I had “eaten breakfast super late”.After school, I’d say I was running out to get a snack, and instead I’d go read a book in my car.When we had cast meals, I’d get a small plate and eat just enough, or conveniently be so busy getting everything ready and in-place and triple checking everything that I’d “eat after the show.”When I was home on weekends with my family, I’d sit down to eat with them and eat just enough to make it obvious I’d eaten and say I wasn’t hungry and put my food in the fridge to “eat later”.When I got home at a normal time from school, I just would say, “oh I snacked with Katie on the bus” and go on about my business.Most days, I’d eat a meal to avoid passing out and making sure SOMEONE saw me eat so it wasn’t suspicious.When I started losing weight, my mom asked me about it, and I smiled, “Oh, I’m just eating cleaner and healthier and all these shows are working off the extra weight. I’ll be starting to tone the muscle soon!” and kept brushing it off.When my mom started noticing I was looking pale, frail and tired, I just told her it was school, college applications, work and shows making me so tired.When my mom demanded I start eating, I would eat when she was around, and then avoid being home as much as I could.As an adult, struggling with anorexia is a bitch. I KNOW I need to eat, I KNOW what those pangs in my stomach mean. I KNOW what that woozy feeling means, and I have to force myself to get up, go eat, and eat enough to make it worthwhile some days.It’s even easier as a parent to ‘forget’ to eat, or to avoid eating.For breakfast, I make my kids breakfast and say I’ll eat at work.At work, I’m “too busy” until after the café closes.Then at lunch, I’m “eating at my desk, y’all go on out, it’s fine!” and then avoid eating.For dinner, I make the girls dinner, get them ready for bed, then I force myself to cook when Cam’s on his way home so I eat once he’s home so I KNOW I can’t avoid eating.

How did you begin to overcome your eating disorder?

I’ve been in long-term recovery for 8 years. My medical team saved my life — doctor, dietitian, psychologist.There are two parts, physical and mental health. Once the brain is getting adequate nutrition with a goal of normalized eating then the work on disordered thinking begins.That’s how it happens. Regardless or psych treatment modality, the first concern is physical health, avoiding death. Eating disorder have the highest mortality of any mental illness. Next, while maintaining or gaining weight, one will begin therapy to change disordered thinking. For me, the bulk of the mental work was probably 2–3 years until I felt comfortable saying i was recovering. Personally, I never use past tense recovered, maybe I will some day, but now I’m OK with being in long-term recovery.The first step was making a call to get help, it was scary and I felt embarrassed, but it saved my life. The intake coordinator on the other end of the phone could not have been more kind, she helped me set up an appointment and answer some basic questions about my medical history. She said something along the lines of, “why don’t you come in for an evaluation and we’ll just see how you’re doing, no commitment.” So I did, and here I am.