Why do parents push kids to get perfect scores?
I can guess at several reasons, e.g. the belief that kids exist to validate their parents; or a cultural value; or a route out of poverty; or just being highly controlling. But I’d just be guessing because I never did.I was a gardener parent, not a carpenter parent. I let mine thrive in our home environment, where they saw me going to school at night for my degrees, where they were surrounded by a couple of thousand books, where screen time was limited.They did well in school, but it would have felt weird, phony, and counterproductive to me to nag and shove and prod and drive them over a missed 5 points. That would have felt to me beside the point. I was raising kids to learn and think and be curious about the world. I was raising them to be themselves — the best version of themselves they could be.Although one of them recently reminded me of a comment I made when she brought home a “C” in English: “You got a C in your native language in a [southern state] public school? Have you fallen on your head??” (She was highly gifted but also inclined to forget to turn in assignments. She also found that comment very amusing — at the time and now.)They’re adults now; one with an advanced degree in History, and two who didn’t finish college but are voracious readers who know more than most of the college students I teach.Parents have to do what they think is right, and pushing for perfect scores would never have felt right for me.I’m sure it can work, but I’ve read too many accounts of kids who felt tremendous resentment for it to believe it’s always the best thing to do.Thanks for the A2A ~*~
Why do parents expect their kids to do all the housework and get angry when they have to do anything?
By the way this question is worded I'm going to assume you are not an adult or at the very least not a parent. I have four children. It is my duty to prepare them for life as an adult. If I did everything for them then I would be doing them a disservice. Personally, I don't mind doing things around the house. However, they need to learn that the clothes don't magically wash, dry, fold, and put themselves away. The most aggravating part of parenting is dealing with the stubbornness of children. They would rather argue about, cry about, or avoid doing their chores for an entire day rather than just get it over with. The sooner you realize that crying about it doesn't make any difference the better off you'll be.I have a strong work ethic as a result of the way I was raised. I didn't understand as a kid but now looking back I'm glad my parents didn't do everything for me.
How do I live up to my parents' expectations?
This is a real hard one to answer, to say the least. I think by knowing about your situation (my parents were the same) the best thing you can do for YOURSELF is live up to your own expectations. Since you can never ever make them happy, then why even bother trying to get them to be happy for what you have accomplished? They are set in their ways and most likely will never change. There are 2 things that make a person change. One is desperation, and the other is inspiration, and you do not fall into either of these categories. It is so sad that people forget how important a pat on the back is to others, especially their kids. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. For that matter, some people may not agree with my answer and think they have a better solution; but until they walk in our shoes, they don't have a clue as to the damage it causes inside of us, and as to what may work with our parents. Now for the good stuff! Hey, that is really a great job you did with getting into the nationals! You and the rest of the cheerleaders must have worked extra hard in order to get there! WTG! And as for the math stuff, wasn't there a famous genius who couldn't do math, or read, or something like that? Don't let that math stuff get you down. Most likely you will never use the really hard stuff in your lifetime, unless you chose a profession that requires it. Then you will have to learn it. I know it would have been nice to get a perfect perfect score in all areas, but oh well. We all aren't perfect or we would be able to walk on water. But you did a great job on all the rest and this is good! WTG! I wish you were my kid. PS: When the day comes and you have your own children, make sure to not follow in your parents footsteps, ok?
Parents, do you expect straight A's from your child/ren?
That's a big problem in our public ed system today....A's are handed out. Everyone gets a top grade as long as they show up, pretend to pay attention, and complete their assignments. The fact of the matter is some children are smarter than others. Some excel in areas where others don't. This started back in the 80s with that "everyone's a winner" movement. (Also why trophies/certificates are handed out to EVERYONE...including the losers.) I know this will get me TDs...but I disagree with this concept a lot. I expect my son to do well in school. Of course, I hope he gets amazing grades, but I won't have a meltdown if he scores only "average" in a particular subject. What is far more important is that he learns the material and if he doesn't know something, he learns *where* to find that information.
I could have easily scored a 100 on my math exam, but I didn't due to a couple of very simple errors. How should I react to this?
What you've experienced is hardly a failure. But I can relate to the disappointment that comes with the expectation of perfection. Even when it is self-imposed.I used to have to wear a suit as a late teenager working in a mathematics tutoring job for exceptionally bright kids -- kids, as in mostly-Asian pre-pre-pre-teens that were doing advanced math. I hated wearing a suit. I think the woman that hired me thought I was the laziest slouchiest loser. I wore the least dress-upish stuff I could find. One day I went just a shirt and tie because I didn't think I needed anything else. "Wear a sweater next time!"But I knew math well enough to help.I wasn't prepared to handle the desperation that some of these kids obviously felt at getting one problem wrong [or god help them two!] The suit just made me feel worse for them. As if it was being shoved in their face that I was an authority and I was telling them they aren't perfect and need to go back, sit down, and try again.The woman [from what I remember of the experience now almost a quarter century ago] was cold as ice with these kids. She explained it to me once after session. "I have to be this way with them. Their parents demand it. Their parents pay a lot of money to send them here. And they expect results! You need to look professional so when these parents show up they know they are getting what they are paying for."Thinking back on it now it was a very surreal experience. I hated that these kids were being taught that failure is something to be isolated from. After all, their failure was no worse than yours. One or two problems wrong on a math set. Big. Fucking. Deal.The point I'm trying to make, I think, is this. You don't have to handle making mistakes. You will make mistakes. Saying that you can't handle them is like saying you don't know how to breathe. You just...have to. There will be plenty of other chances for you to shine or stumble in your life.You do have to handle not being perfect. You will never be perfect. Nobody is. Nobody was. Nobody ever will be. Don't make me put on a suit.
Why is it that many Asian parents look at the bad grades, and ignore the good grades you have got? Who has had this experience before?
You tell me!I got 105 percent on my test a few weeks ago! I got the bonus mark! First in class! I rushed to my parents with imminent pride.Do you know what my parents said?"Ok…"OK? I got over 100 percent. I got beyond the perfect score.When I get a 70 percent- all hell breaks lose."You failure. I used to wake up at 6 in the morning and study. I then went to school getting 100 percent and then start studying til 12. You are not my son. You will never touch thy computer again."Oh well, you will survive.You know the old Asian saying, "No honour roll, no spring roll."
Should parents reward their kids for getting good grades?
A lot of parents are against rewarding their children for anything. There is a strong opinion that this can kill the inner motivation and make a child superficial. That is why their child won't get anything for a good grade except for a parent's appreciation.It would be so right in the ideal world. But do you think this ideal world would have grades at all? As a matter of fact, it probably wouldn't even have parents' expectations - often too high for a child to match up to.In reality, the pressure is so high that appreciation can't always be expressed by words. It is hard for both parents and children. Parents are pressured by the society. Other parents always know a better way to raise a child. Their children are often more successful. One way or another, an average parent gets loads of advice how to ‘help' a child study better.Children, in turn, are supposed to get good grades, to be better than others, to get into the top-five, to enter a prestigious college and university, and so on. Don't forget that besides school they have a life of their own, which includes relations with family, friends and a various range of interests.Rewarding can be quite beneficial to lower this pressure. It shows how it works for adults. We work, we earn money, we buy what we want. From this point of view, rewarding prepares children for their future life and teaches them the basics of responsibility. Still, parents should take into consideration a couple of other things if they decide to reward their children for a good mark:the level of your child's performance. Maybe, making perfect writing works is not your child's strength. So, you can't promise a great present for an A-grade paper, knowing that your kid will never manage to do it.your child's ability to face a failure. If your kid can't cope with not getting something outstanding for a good result, never give him or her really cool presents for school achievements. Next time, the grade may be lower, and your child may take it even worse. Choose another occasion.Don't give money. Presents mean attention. Money means employment. If you don't want your relationship to get too material, choose another type of reward. Take a great trip together, for example.Bottom line, rewarding children with presents is an attempt to unite different types of achievements together. If it's done right, it is advantageous for both parents and children.
Why do Indian parents want their children to score full marks in exams?
The current generation of Indian parents are born at a time when the country was rising from poverty just after gaining independence from two hundred years of British rule. Majority of our middle class Indian parents were raised in poor conditions with money which is enough to just to feed stomach three times a day. After seeing how hard it is to find a job in the current market where competitions are huge, the parents are obsessed with academic success because for them that's the only way to achieve a stable financial status in least effort. The Indian education system was created by the British not to educate Indians by knowledge rather to create workers in name of servants for the British companies. The same system hasn't been changed yet in the core hence the parents are obsessed with government jobs because they have set in their subconscious mind that only academic success and later getting a government job can help their kids lead a successful life. So it is just continuing and fading as the systems evolves. Let's hope for the best for our future and future generations.Cheers!
Parents who blame one child for everything?
My cousin is 21 years old and she has a 13 year old sister and a 27 year old brother. She's going to college full time and is preparing for the CPA exam next year. They all live at home with their parents but everytime she calls me, she's in trouble for things that her siblings do wrong. For example, her brother is back in college and his parents pay for all of his stuff and he doesn't drive himself anywhere. They make her help him with his homework and when they took a class together and he failed it but she passed it, they cussed her out and said that they were disappointed that she didn't help him more but she was always studying with him and doing problems with him. She just recently got certified to do taxes so she can volunteer at churches but she had to help her brother pass all of the certification exams. And her parents depend on her to help her sister get into high school. She basically gave her sister practice exams and helped her write essays so she could get a high score on her entrance exam. But when the scores came back, they weren't as good as her parents wanted so her parents accused her of sabotaging her sister and they did this in front of me and made her cry. I just couldn't believe that someone's parents would blame one child for everything that goes wrong. She even has to make practice exams for her brother to take in all of his classes and she has to do all of the chores around the house. I told her to move out but she can't get a job that fits with her school schedule, her sister's games/practices, and taking her to school. Can you guys think of any other solutions to this problem?