How common is it for people to say things they don't mean when they are angry?
It's pretty damn common...if you're an asshole. From my own personal experience as a former asshole, I can tell you that it's true when they say "The only times you'll hear the truth is when someone is drunk or angry" Now before you go off and start mumbling curses at the perpetrator, there's a "twist" to this. There were times when my wife would get upset about something I couldn't understand and I would find myself on the brink of so much anger I swear my blood was boiling. Now I'm not going to physically assault my wife because that's just stupid and it's by far the most cowardly act a man can do. So deep inside I want her to feel as hurt as I do so I start tossing out verbal assaults on things that she does that in reality don't bother me but I know she's self conscious about. For example, let's say that my wife has put on a few pound. She knows it, I know it. This fact doesn't bother me one bit. My wife could weigh 500 pounds and still be smoking hot. So in the heat of the moment I get mad and call her "fat". Do I believe it? Not for a second. Yes, it's a hurtful, total dick move but, as mentioned, I want her to feel how I believe she's making me feel. Do I mean the things I say? Absolutely not. It's an in the moment, frustration driven event but that doesn't excuse it. What it comes down to is that the knee-jerk reaction I am displaying merely shows that I don't know how to correctly express my emotions. It took time and the patience of my loving wife for me to learn how to deal with frustration and how to properly express my emotions. If you're dealing with someone like this just know that there is hope and I can't tell you enough how much love can make the difference but ONLY if they're willing to accept that they don't have control of their emotions and want to change that. Like I mentioned, I'm a recovering asshole and there are those who want to change but don't know how and there are others who are content on being an asshole eternally. Knowing which one you're dealing with makes all the difference.
Why do people say mean/horrible things?
Why do people say mean/horrible things?I have not seen this total level of cruelty in my day, it was pretty basic insults of obvious things. However, if you are immature and awkward, life can feel pretty awful with all the stuff young, ignorant, mouthy and also immature people can dream up to say. Remember, in the end, they must live with their statements and you must survive them for future happiness. If you have not said anything back, good for you. You will grow out of this phase and onto bigger better things, knowing you never needed to sink to another’s level.If you feel these statements affecting you, find ways to talk to (possibly older more mature) people who assure you these things are from a person with their mind in attack mode and you are now their target, nothing more. My nephew responds “…and your point is?” This statement is putting the onus on the person speaking to define the insult or slight as regards to who they are attacking, not just attack. I like that! He takes control without getting involved. Usually, those who attack without much thought will not have an answer for this statement.When these people mature, they may (or may not) remember their words and actions but you will remember yours. Always decide what you wish to accomplish before you take action. Then get advice on how effective it might be. Eventually, everyone runs into bullies and bullying behavior. I’m glad I’m old enough to have self worth and ignore it or tell the person off so cryptically that they don’t know if they have been insulted or not. That is where you should aim your sights.Stay calm, it gets better. Keep your eye’s on the life long goals, not, those that invest energy in insults to those around them, getting yourself distracted along the way.Good luck.
When people say mean and hurtful things to you when they are angry, do they really mean all those things?
Here’s the paradox, Anjali: when people say mean and hurtful things to us, they are hurt themselves - their words and actions are an unskilled response to something that has hurt them…think about it. What are triggers that usually cause someone who is otherwise (for the most part) kind and decent to say unkind and indecent things?Disappointment: generally over something that wasn’t done or said by the object of their derision/ridiculeFear: of being ignored, unheard, unappreciated, forgottenJealousy: over a relationship, object or situation that the person feels envy over, or even believes is undeserved by the recipient of that situation or relationshipSadness: which could be caused by anything from a personal failure, traumatic event or the difficulty in accepting a situation that has changed from its familiar beginnings, and is seen as a ‘loss’ of some kind.Here’s the thing: If we could accept the premise that the anger is in reality, hurt, we can offer up an alternate response from our usual defense mechanisms. Renown lawyer Gerry Spence has a saying: “Follow the pain.” If at all possible, try to engage the person who is lashing out, by asking them questions about how they are truly feeling and attempting to express those feelings - something as simple as “Do you feel I have hurt you in some way? If so, please tell me what it is, so I may rectify the situation if at all possible”, or, “I sense you are hurt about something, and I’d like to know what that is.”If however, the person is so caught up in the drama of lashing out, your attempts fall on deaf ears, then disengage from the situation - “I can see you’re upset, so perhaps we could talk about this when you’re not feeling so angry”, and silently remind yourself of two things;They are hurt, not angry at you.You cannot make the other person feel anything they are not consciously (or unconsciously) making the decision to feel.
Why do people say things they don't mean?
Sometimes people say things they don't mean because they want to fit in with a group. Other times people, especially parents will say things they don't mean in anger or just so the kid will stop bugging them about something. People will also be fake in order to be politically correct. They have negative views of a certain ethnic group or a certain religion but they know their view is socially unacceptable. Then there is the hypocrisy of love and friendship. They fake it for their own needs and reasons. Some people fake it to make a good impression on others. They brag about material things that they don't even have just to impress others. Faking it usually involves wanting to be liked. Kind of sad really. People say things they don't mean because they think that it is what the others want to hear. I wrote everything above except the last line before I knew the question had changed but I think my answer applies to both questions.
When people say mean things under the influence of alcohol or drugs do others take them seriously?
depends on the person. i certainly do. because people dont just out of the blue say things they dont mean all because they are drunk. Alcohol doesnt make you lie, infact, you drop your inhibitions and you let your guard down and your more likely to be over honest. when people have outbursts or say mean things under the influence of alcohol, they are just blurting out whats really on there hearts. people dont just say stuff and not mean it. out of the abundance of there hearts, whats been harboring inside them, they will speak. as far as drugs go, im not sure, ive never had much to do with them, and not really been told nasty things by anyone on drugs so i dont know. but alcohol... yep. i take it seriously.
What does it mean when an INTJ withdraws from things they love to do?
I’ve been avoiding answering this for quite some time, because it’s such a vague question; The short answer is, that there are as many answers as there are INTJs. It could be as benign as trying to figure out a solution to a mechanical problem that has been irking him for a while, and it could be as severe as his parents dying in an automobile accident. You’re likely going to see about the same emotional reaction from both these scenarios on the surface.If you find yourself in the position of wanting to be able to make things better for a particular INTJ in your own life, I suggest patiently dealing with it on a person-to-person basis, and being okay with it if he doesn’t want your input. We’re very private types and often try to figure our own crap out by ourselves. If you want to be helpful, keep us from going into an Ni/Fi loop by engaging our Te and, especially, our Se in healthy ways.When INTJs Loop - Understanding the Ni-Fi Loop - Psychology JunkieCognitive Functions - A Simple Explanation
Do people with depression say things they don't mean to push people away?
Yes.It is when they need people the most that a depressed person pushes them away the most. Attempting to act normal is stressful and overwhelming and it’s easier to be alone and miserable than worry about behaving right. Depression triggers a kind of nesting instinct that makes you want to draw within yourself and shut everyone else out, which may result in doing things to drive others away.It’s not conscious. They really do believe what they are saying while this is happening. The condition skews their perspective, though, so this may not reflect how they actually feel when the episode is passed.It is unfortunate that depression drives a sufferer to do exactly what is worst for his state of mind, but that’s the nature of the beast.
Why do people say thing they don't mean when there angry?
Well, there are too many people who can't really control their tongue when they are angry. For the reasons, it may be psychological (not that you are sick or crazy, etc, which a doctor may explain to you better). They often say things that are harsh and painful, and then they ought to regret it afterwards. But, that is controllable. You can always say things in a much better way. Not hurting anyone. You just need to have a strong self-control. For you to make things straight, you said, u already apologized. When she will realize that you are sincere enough, she will forgive you. Maybe u hurt her too much with what you had said. Just give her time. Just consider that ladies are too sensitive sometimes. And, there are many things that you can do to help her realize you didn't mean to say those things. And, if she will forgive you (I hope she will), avoid repeating it again. Am afraid, she will never believe you again. Good luck! :)
Do bipolar people mean what they say during a mood swing?
As stated above, it depends. I am bipolar and when I am in a bad mood, I tend to say things I don't mean a lot; I guess I could even say I'm verbally abusive to my parents, mainly my mother. However, a lot of the things I say to her I really feel. For example, the other day we were in the car and she was annoying me. I became very annoyed and told her that I believe that she has very low intelligence and I don't feel like I can have a conversation with her without having to explain what I mean all the time. So, in most instances with my mother, yes, I do mean what I say. I can be in the happiest mood in the world and I will still say that I believe my mother lacks intelligence. However, sometimes I say things that I don't mean to say. For example, I am super clingy to people I trust and care about. The other day I was talking to someone and said that I wanted to talk on the phone, and they took forever to text back. The text said that they were busy, but they would text throughout the night. I was annoyed at the long response time, because I felt like she was ignoring me, so I wrote back "Okay, well when you decide to text me back, I'll be here." So yes, I sounded kinda stuck up, but I was feeling worthless at the moment and she is one of the people who can make me feel better. So, it ultimately depends on the person. I think that it can be taken either way. The best way to find out if they mean it is probably to let them cool down for awhile, maybe even a few days, and then text/call/email and ask them if they meant it. However, don't sound angry about it; you want to sound understanding and forgiving, even if they hurt your feelings. With me, I usually end up apologizing soon after, maximum of a day after I made the comment. I hope everything works out for you.
Why do people say hurtful things?
Lots of reasons - here are some:They may he wrapped up in their own opinion about something and say things without regarding the impact or sensitivities of othersThey may wish to hurt you because they feel slighted by you, jealous of you or dislike you for some other reasonThey may be bitter individuals who have had little joy in the world - and so sharing their bitterness gives them a little sense of power and control that their lives otherwise lackThey may be bullies, who belittle others as a way to try to feel superior because they have low self worthThey may have been similarly picked on and are simply recreating this behavior