What is one thing you can do for a woman to show your appreciation that any woman from any walk of life would appreciate if their partners did it for them?
Most women will appreciate your undivided attention always, meaning not veering your eyes off to a more attractive woman when walking with her, or simply being with her and another more interesting subject walks by, coming in to the picture. Most men are rude in this manner. It shows lack of respect, and most women hate this. When you are with your woman, do not veer off. Give her your undivided attention. Most women enjoy a night out to a dinner and the movies. Giving flowers once in a while is a nice gesture and is a luxury that not too many women experience. I prefer the live kind, meaning in a pot of earth, not cut. It shows sensitivity and compassion to the plant. Also it is nice to know that one is appreciated. Tell them what you like about them, what you appreciate about them. I love your eyes….I love your smile, or, I love how you are always there for me…..I love that you always help me….I love that you get up early for me….etc. You get the idea. Women also appreciate it when you pay attention to the details they like….give me a “cafe au lait” with 2 sugars….give me a cone with two scoops, praline on the bottom and chocolate on top. Give her a hot fudge sunday with a cherry on top. Another thing women dislike is for you to bump into a friend and spend 30 minutes talking to him about nonsense while you make her wait. Don’t do that. If you meet a friend at the mall while you are with your woman, be brief…don’t spend an eternity talking.”Hey good to see you, will see you at the office.” Be brief. Some men just live to hear themselves talk….don't forget you are with someone else.
Do people with Asperger's lack a sense of appreciation?
Not at all.Some may not understand “appreciation” as an emotion, if that’s what you are asking. Asperger’s has it’s own spectrum, and different levels of functionality.I am appreciative by nature, with or without Asperger’s, but there are some emotions I don’t “feel” as others do.To me, “anger” and “hatred” are more of a word choice — I use “frustrated.” I’ve only raised my voice about three or four times in the last 30 years, because I get quiet and not explosive when I’m angry.If someone you know doesn’t express their appreciation to you in a way you are expecting, that doesn’t mean they are unappreciative. For instance, if you cook dinner and it’s eaten and enjoyed (but they don’t say it was good), that doesn’t mean they are unappreciative.If you know someone watches tv every day at 5, and you serve dinner at 5:30 and they won’t sit down until their show is over, that’s not unappreciative. It’s a matter than the person has his own set of “internal” rules, and it’s the dinner, and not him, that’s causing the issue.I know this is difficult to understand, but don’t take a “lack of acknowledgement” to mean unappreciative. Many will speak up if they don’t feel appreciated, but not all those feelings are justified, either.
How do I treat people who don't appreciate the things I do for them?
You say you help people selflessly and without any expectations, you contradict yourself by stating later that you feel used by these ingrates. I'm not trying to put you down - just that you help others wanting expressed gratitude. But you forget that you are just a good guy. I would say it is good to be taken advantage of specially when you are helping or promoting others in need. I would just give a few pointers to make you feel better about yourself:You are first responsible to yourself. Do not go out of your way to help others if it is not an emergency.Know the art/skill of saying 'no'. Which means agreeing to everything anyone asks for might land you in trouble or in a state which you might regret later.To help others means not expecting rewards or expressed gratitude.Do not be bothered about fake people being praised - who are the people praising them not knowing them for who they are?'Introvert' does not mean 'stupid', 'can't say no', ' or 'loser'. Many successful people are introverts.Know your friends. They are all your friends but some are to be taken seriously, some are close confidants while some are just 'friends' as in 'acquaintances'.Finally I would advice you not to expect too much from others - you are bound to be disappointed. However, if you are the 'Radar' who can be called in times of need, be proud of your achievement regardless of others' ignorance or unethical behaviour. Responsibility is power no matter how others perceive it.
Depressed friend is being selfish? what do I do?
I have a friend overseas who suffers from clinical depression. We speak almost every day and she doesn't have a lot of friends. Last week I had big news - that I got a new job and that my life is about to change. When I told her, she was disappointed that I didn't have time to talk to her and that she needed someone to talk to about this guy she works with. I was completely taken back that she didn't congratulate me or ask ANYTHING about my new job, she just kept harping on the fact that I didn't have time to talk to her. I understand she is depressed and lonely, but she seems to be selfish in the midst of this - not concerned that my life is changing BIG TIME. She's really upset me and I feel like she doesn't care - she just wants to wallow in her sadness about a guy who won't pay attention to her. I've heard her story about this guy for the past 2 months, so we've hashed out what a loser he is. With my big news, I was hoping she would see that this is a chance to stop worrying about a guy and be happy for me. Maybe I'm being selfish too, but she's 46 years old and weeping over some guy who never calls or texts her back. I have a lot going on that's more important than boy news. How can I tell her I need to focus on GOOD news and GOOD energy???
What to do about an unappreciative stepdaughter?
Don't force her to send responses, let her feel the lack of appreciation when she is the giver. Bought sense is always better than Told. "Kharma" always comes back to a person. Some day she will realize that you get what you give. It's not about the gifts & party it's about you. Find out why?I think if it were her mom she would do it. This is to hurt you. try to talk about it include your husband.
What do you do if your parent/guardian doesn't appreciate anything you do for them?
I know how difficult it can be to keep doing and getting nothing in return. My mother was exactly that. I can’t remember a single time in my life when my mother thanked me-for anything. She was a selfish, self centered person who expected everything. And when she didn’t get what she wanted she either threw a tantrum or used mental sleight of hand and rearranged the events in her head. Even before she developed cancer, mom was the sole survivor of her immediate family from the Holocaust of Workd War 2 and she was addicted to prescription drugs. Those two will definitely shift your reality and then some. This is not an excuse, but an explanation. My brother who was just as selfish as she was and just as abusive, did no wrong in her eyes. I did chores and took care of her, dad, and their home during their illnesses and only dad appreciated me.And yet, I did it all. And I would do it again. Yes it was a sense of duty to my mother who gave me life. But I did it for myself as well. When my parents passed away, I knew I could test my head knowing I did all I could for them. My brother once asked me “do you have any regrets? Anything you wanted to say but didn’t?” I firmly told him no. Even if mom couldn’t grasp it, I did all I did for her out of duty. It was my way of showing I loved her even if she couldn’t express thanks or appreciation. I did all I could and more for dad out of love and respect. If I could have gotten the moon for him, I would have climbed up for him. There were no words said with mom-but that was her way. With dad, there were no words needed-a kiss and a hug was all we needed. And dad hated speeches.My friend, you have two choices-you can stop doing things for your parents and explain your reasons why you stopped. You can tell them that you need feedback-appreciation, thanks. Your parents may not be aware of their fault and they might change. Second-you can continue to do things for them and expect no reward or compliment. You do for your parents as you hold a door open for someone or smile and say Hood morning to someone. It makes you feel good to do the right thing. I did things for my parents because in my mind, I would like someone to do something nice for me when I can’t. There is no guarantee that will happen, but it’s a nice thought and it’s kind.
What do you say to a person who shows absolutely no gratitude or even little acknowledgement for the biggest help you had given to that person?
I can understand being upset by people like that. However, do you help others for the thank you? or because you just want to help because it is in your nature?I think there are different kinds of people. Most of us would like to help others because it is in us, part of our personality.The truth is that whatever goes round comes round. So therefore when you help others, regardless of whether they deserve that help or not, whether they are grateful or not, whether they thank you or not, be sure that when you need help, someone will surely help you out. That someone could be a total stranger, or someone you never expected help from. This is how the world works.You would hardly ever get help back from those you help. At least this is my own experience in life. Does it matter? Not really.If it really upsets you that the people you help are ungrateful, then stop doing it. Instead help others who appreciate you and appreciate the help and time you are giving them. Those are probably more deserving of your giving.Know in your heart, that whatever good you do will always be returned. It’s called Karma :)