Funny, One-liner threats?
I'm sending some cookies to a bunch of Army guys/gals. I want to put funny one liner threat (nothing horrid) in each bag of cookies. Got any good ideas? This is what I've got so far: if you don't like them you'll choke and die. Got milk? C is for cookie, it's good enough for me. Yum yum yum yum. (those of you who know cookie monster should know what this last one was about).
Do you know any funny threats?
How about: I'm gonna smack you so hard they're gonna pick you up in (the next town over from where you live) for speeding! I'm gonna smack you into the middle of next week! I'm gonna stick my foot so far up your butt, your breath is gonna smell like feet! I'm gonna knock your teeth so far down your throat, you'll have to pull your pants down to floss. I'm gonna hit you so hard, your children will be born bruised! I'm gonna hit you so hard, it will knock your name right out of the phone book! I'm gonna knock the sh*t out of you and then kick your *ss for makin' a mess! And my personal favorite: I'm gonna hit you so hard that decades from now your great-grandchildren will clutch their heads in pain and yell "What the hell was THAT?" Good luck!... ☺
I need a funny death threat?
Stop it or i'll stick a straw in your eye and suck out your corneia! there is also: your so full of sh** that flys and dung beetles will crawl into your mouth while you sleep and choke you to death and eat you from the inside out if you dont stop.
Anyone know any funny threats?
What the **** did you just ******* say about me, you little *****? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the **** out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my ******* words. You think you can get away with saying that **** to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re ******* dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable *** off the face of the continent, you little ****. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ******* tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will **** fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re ******* dead, kiddo.
Do you know any cute "threats" for a girlfriend?
Okay, first, lemmie explain what I mean by cute "threats"; See, my gf and I are in high school, and I try to tke her lunch tray up for her (as a gentleman should) or help her with other stuff. She'll say no every time, knowing I want to, but she's just being silly and a bit false-uptight. So I'd say something like, "Okay, you forced me to threaten you- Either let me take your tray up, or I'm gonna hold you close and kiss you over and over again." And she'd giggle, then with mock horror, say "Oh, no! Not that, I'm begging you!!" Then she'd take her tray up. I know it sounds kinda stupid, but hey, she seems to think its funny. And if I can make her laugh, that's still a win in my book. And to be honest, I think it's just a tiny bit romantic too, in a silly way. However, I'm out of ideas. I need more cute things to say, either like this, or something just as silly-cute. (Once I questioned her humanity, claiming she can't be human and she must be a Goddess or angel) So, you got any ideas?
Funny threats to say to my friends?
watta bout " if u mess with me, you'll find urself on Marz with no oxygen and i'll watch you 4rm my spaceship until your lugs explode!" or " i'll rip ur head off and play soccer with it until I see ur brain fall out---then i'll play with that!" ore even "I will cut off your arms and replace them with chicken wings--then watch all the little fat kids tackle you for a bite!' xD!!! hahahaha...that last 1 almost made me die of no oxygen cuz i was laughing so hard!!!!!
Good, funny threats to say to a guy?
one of my friends is a guy and we threaten each other a lot (we are just kidding, it's nothing serious). Some of the things I say is: I will cut you so deep you'll have a vagina. I will staple your ball-sack to the wall. I will feed you your own nipples. Stuff like that (once again, we are just kidding, none of this is serious). And yes I know those threats were stolen from the show 2 Broke Girls :)
Duuuuuuude! What sort of weird, funny threats did your parents make when you were growing up?
THAT is SO funny! My mom wasn't so funny, but she did threaten physical violence even though she was not abusive at all. Like, "If you roll your eyes at me one more time, I'm going to knock them out of your head." Or, "Move your hand or I'm going to chop it off." I knew she was just exaggerating at the time, but when I think about it now I think, "Gee, that sounds so abusive!"
What do I do if someone is threatening to come over to my house and kill me on the internet?
“kill (you) on the internet”??? Yes, I understand what you mean. First of all, you have to evaluate the threat. Is it your brother because you picked the winning team and he lost the bet?But let’s assume you take the threat as serious. First, do you know who the threat is from? Do you know where they are located? If it is your ex-spouse who lives a mile away and has just lost a court-case on child custody, get the heck out of the house as you call the local authorities on your cell phone.If you don’t know the person or their location, make certain the doors are locked, arm yourself if you are capable of self defense and call the police and report the threat. Be as specific as possible.If you assume the threat is real and immediate, gather your loved ones in a “safe room” and put them behind cover, particularly if you hear someone breaking in. Make them come to you. Don’t go looking for them. If the police come, and you’re not certain if your threatening party is in the house, tell the dispatcher what room you are in (what corner of the house, etc) and throw your keys out the window to the responding officers ideally with a sketch of the house’s layout, marking where you are located. Tell them to tell the dispatch to inform you when they reach your door. Then follow their instructions in detail. Don’t confront them with a gun in your hand.When you know the house is safe, gather up what you need for a couple of days and leave.If someone on the internet threatens to kill you, don’t respond to them. Just cut off communication. Let them call you names. Let them send a dozen posts. DON’T PLAY THEIR GAME.When someone threatens to kill me, unless I am sure that they don’t have means and opportunity, I will take the threat seriously. I suggest that other do likewise.
Someone I know made a death threat against me over the phone. What actions can be taken?
Which country are you located in? Which country is the other party located in?Did you call them or did they call you?What was the threat?Before you call the police, write down exactly what happened. Try doing it like a movie script. Don’t try to make yourself look good (just in case the OTHER party DID record the phone call). Yes, this scenario has played out one TOO many times in court and the accuser ended up paying legal fees, charged with perjury, incarcerated, had to pay damages to the victim (the person who supposedly made the threats) etc etc.The law can be tricky and the police more so. Ever read a police report where the police admits they did something wrong?????Me neither! (and I started working part-time in a law office since my early teens, so I have been reading them for over 40 years and so far: Zilch!) Let THAT sink in for a minute!