Do narcissists know what they're doing is wrong?
YES!!!! narcs do know what they are doing is wrong. If they didn't they would not try and hide their unfair hurtful and abusive behavior how else would they employ the use of the tactics they use so skillfully!!!!They use tactics to hide what they truly are you simply cannot use tactics to blame some one else for the behavior if you are not aware of your actions. They can easily switch of their false self to their true self at the flip of the switch. How else do you think the narcissist can easily go from demeaning and belittling you to charming you when someone walks in the room?!!!!!!Narcs are truly GREAT MANIPULATORS. They can lie, cheat, treat you badly and some how manage to make it all seem like its your fault. Don't fall for it that's just what they do. They are a case of arrested development. They live in the mindset of a child. Like a child, THEY KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG but choose to do wrong when they can get away with it.They are determined to remain children who always get their way and like all spoiled brats who control everyone by temper tantrums and bad behaviour they only get worse with the more they get away with. They are notorious for placing blame on other people and not on themselves. Even when they clearly and definitely did something wrong, they cannot and will not ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY. They almost always deflect the blame some where else. Narcs IGNORE their contribution to the situation or insist that the other person made them do it.When you confront the narc about their abusive behaviors, their telling lies, their cheating, or anything else they do to hurt others, THEY WILL FOCUS ON YOUR REACTION TO THEIR OUTRAGEOUS BEHAVIOUR, DRAWING ATTENTION AWAY FROM THEIR OWN CONDUCT AND PUTTING THE FOCUS ON YOU INSTEAD.Narcs know exactly what they are doing they just cannot allow something bad to be their fault. It is another manifestation of their supreme SELF CENTREDNESS as well as a PROTECTION FOR THEIR FRAGILE EGO It is also a primitive method of avoiding external repercussions.They've got it all worked out pushing good people to their very limit. Knowing very well that you have a breaking point and when the narc succeeds as they so often do, they sit back and watch as you crack under the pressure and torment. You have been deeply hurt, isolated and misunderstood. The narc know your reaction will direct attention away from him/her.GAME OVER!!!!
I think my sister is being abused?
She's been acting weird lately. She's always with him more than me & we used to be close. She's so distant & every time he text her or call she jumps so quickly to see him. She's usually happy but now she's depressed all the time. She don't even smile no more. I think he's controlling her because, she changed her appearance so much. She has a nose ring now & her hair is blonde with highlights. She looks more edgy and she wears red lipstick with revealing clothes. I don't mean to talk about my sister but, she looks like a slut. This is far from what she used to look like. She was so innocent looking before she changed. The other day I walked passed her & she flinched. I saw on her face that it look like a red hand print. I asked her about it and she said i'm fine. I said are you sure because, the side of your face is red. Then she blows up at me telling me to leave her alone, mind your own business, & quit worrying about me. I just want my sister back and she's only 16. She shouldn't be going through this. Should I let our parents know? I don't want to upset my sister.
Do abusive people know they are being abusive to others?
Despite what they may say, abusive people usually DO KNOW that they are being abusive. Their behavior is not “accidental” or caused by “loss of control.” Rather, it's a calculated means of controlling their victim(s)- and allows them to feel dominant and in control of every situation and outcome.The only exception to this might be people with undiagnosed mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia; or have some other mental disorder or disability ( to be clear, not all people with mental disorders are abusive). I'd like to reiterate undiagnosed, because if someone is aware that they have a mental illness or condition and they refuse treatment (provided that they have the means), they're not automatically absolved from their behavior simply because they’re mentally ill and refuse help.Substance abuse and lack of self-discipline and control, are usually the root causes behind abusive behavior (other than mental illnesses). If an abusive person lacks the self-awareness or the desire to change themselves, they shouldn't be around other people. Period.Always know that while you cannot control others, you CAN control how they treat you. If someone is abusive to you- leave immediately…and don't have anything to do with them until you have proof that they are in therapy. Victims of abuse should get some therapy as well; not because there's anything wrong with you, but so you can become more self-aware and not be victimized again in the future…Best wishes.
How does one handle a mentally and emotionally abusive mother?
You sound like you're acting very mature about the situation. The best option is to leave somehow. Once you have some power over whether or not your mom talks with you, she can either stop or you can stop talking. Sometimes having power in the situation helps. I do this with my grandpa. The second best option is to get your dad on your side. Though, it seems like that isn't happening. I don't know how to convince these people. I have several of them in my family, and I can't convince them of anything. The defend the abuser with ridiculous arguments (such as calling me oversensitive is actually advice; him trying to manipulate me is okay because he was a speech major) Without leaving, I suggest studying up as much as you can on manipulation and abusive. The more you realize that everything she says is evil and wrong, the easier it is to think and feel "she is completely wrong." Here's a link with a lot of info;Out of the FOG - Personality Disorder Support In talking with her, think strategically. How can I say as little as possible while still answering her question? How can I live my life while running into her as little as possible? What topics does she get angry about and how can I avoid them? How can I distract her attention from me (such as not talking about yourself)? I highly recommend this one. Talk about yourself as little as possible, and if you have to do so, do so as indirectly as possible. If she asks you about basketball practice, talk about it in terms of what the coach told you to do, what plays he had you run, and other details. Leave out what you thought, what you felt, what you said, what you did individually. This way, she has less to attack. She can't attack your thoughts, your feelings, your desires, your work, your effort. I would also allow yourself to lie. You don't have to, but if put in situation where you know abuse will follow if you answer the wrong way, I want to give you permission to lie to protect yourself. If she wants to call your coach an "idiot", that doesn't hurt you and might actually seem funny/ridiculous. I would NOT bring up that she's abusing you anymore. One time is enough. Responding with more abuse means she's not going to change, and in all likelihood, she will intensify the abuse. To keep from losing yourself, I suggest keeping a secret journal and having friends who know the true you.