I can't stand life, I have suicidal thoughts. Does depression last forever?
I'm drained and sad 24/7, and the only thing that distracts me from reality is my computer. My life is a mess. I have no friends, I don't get along with me family, or people in general because the stares and comments I get about myself, if belittling. I've gotten to the point where I just want to be left alone so badly and just forgotten, because it's better to not exist, than exist to be called names or giving people the pleasure of labeling me a failure. I feel stupid, ugly, pathetic, and I can't stop crying and obsessing about it. If you know about how Michael Jackson felt about his image, that's exactly how I feel, if you thought he was a freak(he wasn't) than I am too. And all of my talents/skills are mediocre, I'm only less than half good at them. I don't watch TV anymore or I haven't been outside in 4 months because I hate watching people be happy because I feel jealous and I know I deserve to be in hell for envying people. I'm just waiting to die and hoping, if it's true, I can come back reincarnated into someone/thing worthy.
6.2(with out shoe) is my height. i am in depression mode.many times my mind is diverting 2 suicide view(death)
I am also 6'2" but my weight is closer to 100 kg. I beg of you not to commit suicide, and to strengthen your body if it causes you this insecurity. I cannot make you do this. You must realize that should you kill yourself you leave your life exactly where you left it, without improving it. You CAN improve it if you try. Why would an Indian girl not like a tall man? You are not to speak for every woman out there. Certainly some women like taller men. My valuable suggestion is to stop feeling self-pity, self conscious and insecure, and revel in the gifts you have. You will no longer be lonely when you realize how much you already have. You mention no goals in your post. To feel life inside you, you must develop short-term and long-term goals, and actually strive for them. Without goals, your life will indeed be meaningless. What dreams do you have? If you desire to have a woman attracted to you, you simply cannot be sad and depressed and a victim of life. A woman would most desire a man who has control of his life and wants to add more to it. Please reconsider your acting out towards suicide. It's too soon to call it a lifetime.
Will my depression ever get better?
I have been on meds for years upon years and my outlook on life is still the same. I kind of wish everyday would be my last. I have no job, few friends, living on disability.