People telling you how to raise your child?
I was having a conversation with my dad the other day, and he said that one of his huge pet peeves was when people would tell him how to raise us (3 girls), especially when they didn't have kids of their own. I agree with him in a way. My husband and I don't have any children, yet, but I think that it would tick me off if someone that didn't have children was trying to tell me what to do with mine like they are super-mom (or dad.) That's not to say that all people that don't have children don't know what to do. They could have a dozen little cousins and younger siblings, in which I would take a little more stock in their opinion than I would in some single person that works next to a daycare center. That's, also, not to say that some people that have kids don't know what the heck they are doing. My two little cousins had the misfortune of having a mother that treated them more like a meal ticket, and abandoned them when they were no longer of use. Thoughts and opinions?
Why do random people keep trying to tell me how to live my life?
I used to be like this. Most especially to my close friends. I’d like to believe that I am a very rational person, and whenever I see a situation, I’m able to actually look at it from different perspectives with a non-biased approach. Therefore whenever I get the chance, I would keep telling my friends how to live their lives because of this or that, and I would nag them about it to no end. I have forgotten how to be good company. Not everyone likes an arm chair philosopher—only during alcohol fueled nights, and to be honest, hanging out with one is kind of tiring due to how serious everything is.As I became busy with life and had more time alone than socializing, I slowly realized that not only was I a hypocrite, but aside from that, a very overbearing friend. I saw that I did not live through my own words but I was slowly becoming, instead of a sympathetic, kind confidant that is fun to be around with, I was a sort of overlord judge to my friends. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I only wanted the best for my friends, because I cared for them, but when I do these kinds of things, I grip them to the point of suffocation. If you truly care, you loosen your grip and let them be, they will need the advice when the time is right. They aren’t children, they need to live their own lives, make mistakes and learn from it all on their own. Society is enough a judge, don’t be another one.Now I’ve slowly wizened up, I learned that things are always “easier said than done”.People freely give out unsolicited advice on how to live because it’s easier to see the faults of others than our own ones. It’s also, not surprisingly easier to tell someone how to live their lives than to live a life through one’s own words.Live through your own actions instead. Let your life be the advice you give to your friends.Live a life well lived. This is how you tell others how to live.
How do I deal with people giving bad form advices in gym?
Well there are two parts of this question.You either know the correct form from a genuine trainer/online fitness coach, and are able to mark the difference between right and wrong. To which I would say, not only in gym, but in other areas of your life too you will find such people. They are there to either help genuinely or showoff. Whatever be the reason, u ignore and continue your form. Or impart the correct technique with the logic behind doing it. The guy will either change his way agreeing to yours or would never bother you. Be polite in anyway.Maybe he is right and you lack that knowledge. Confirm it with the trainer first and do some youtube search. I would recommend following Jeet Selal Sir and Guru Mann sir. They provide perfect tutorial for all forms and techniques, speciallY Jeet Selal sir. Once you are satisfied with what he says, then change the technique. But never jump to anyone's technique without investigation.In the end, keep your mind open and welcome all advices. Make decisions patiently after doing researches and under guidance of a professional. Enjoy.
Why do people give free and unwanted advice, when at the end, we are always on our own?
It’s true that we are always on our own, sometimes we must seek the guidance of wise people. However, if someone starts giving you free and unwanted advice it is equally embarrassing. These people don’t wait for you to go and ask them, they start on their own. they are more interested in reminding you your own mistakes and shortcomings.Sometimes their intentions may be good but timing may not. Also, the way advice is given is also important. These people consider themselves as Mr/Ms Know-it-all, they don’t know that their unsolicited advice is often both unwanted and inappropriate. they just want to satisfy their ego, they think they are very kind and helpful. they want to create a good image in front of others, they want to create importance of themselves.These people don’t understand they are attacking our freedom-our autonomy. We have our own goals, our own priorities and have the ability to tackle situations on our own. we don’t need anybody’s control and guidance to how to do particular things. We want to be independent.These people should know it’s your life and you know it better than anyone else. They should show care by listening to you rather than imposing their own thoughts on you.Sometimes unsolicited advice from your own loved ones can also become irritating. Especially teenagers don’t like the advice given by their parents, even if it is innocent and helpful for them. They hate somebody telling them what they should do every now and then.Rarely such advisers can save your life by giving information of danger or help you to avoid face bad situations. Overall people should stop giving unsolicited advice and mind their own business so that life will be wonderful for everyone.And if you just don’t want to listen to them and also don’t want to lose there love and respect for you, just say “I appreciate your concern when I need any help I will ask for it.”...So after saying all these things, my unsolicited advice to everyone is ‘please don’t give unsolicited advice to others !’
Do You Ever Get Tired of People Who Don't Understand TTC?
I have been on this TTC rollercoaster for more than 5 years and been through it all including 2 IVF cycles...and I get very tired of people not understanding. Whether they mean it or not, comments can be degrading to us trying to hard and who may have very real medical issues. Telling me to relax (Oh I DESPISE that) is not going to help the fact that I have PCOS and don't ovulate. Telling me to adopt, while it is a noble thing to do, is not going to lessen my desire for a biological child and to experience pregnancy. Why do I not deserve that experience??? As you stated, IVF is not a simple procedure and can't be done in a days time. There is so much lead up to it and medications and testing that it is far from simple. Insurance not covering IVF is very frustrating. I have dealt with that. We ended up getting a Healthcare loan through Capital One. We have 5 years to pay it off and depending on your credit, fairly low interest is available. I have dealt with the emotional aspect of TTC by maintaining at least some interests and keeping a healthy relationship with my husband. Also, we got a puppy a short time before my first IVF (now over a year ago) and that has been a great distraction. She is like a child to me, to both of us really. Also, TTC forums have been a great outlet for me. Seek counseling if you feel you need to--there is nothing wrong with that and I did a few sessions. Best to you!! And to digitalchinky---and for others who are irritated by the TTC term and not spelling it out--here's a clue...You are in a Trying to Concieve forum!! If you don't understand, then you shouldn't be here. I don't go to forums with topics I know nothing about and try to answer questions...because I don't want to sound like an idiot or offend. Also, to say that people understand infertility just fine is IGNORANT! What do you really know about it? And if you don't want to know intricate details then don't pay attention but there are others who do. No offense but ignorance is offensive.
How do you politely end a conversation with a visitor in your house who loves to lecture you?
Is your neighbor lecturing you on money, politics, religion, the way you bring up your family or just every day things? Is your neighbor an older person who thinks they have pearls of wisdom to offer?Regardless, being polite is definitely the way to go. You could say one of the following:Thank you for your advice. I’ll certainly think about it.That’s an interesting thought!Have others found your idea to be effective?Thank you for your opinion, but I am currently receiving advice about my finances.Thank you, but my family and I like to keep our thoughts private.I understand that you mean well, but I have my own way of doing things.Thank you for your suggestions. I will certainly come and see you if I need advice.You might be wise not to invite your neighbor into your house if they start to bother you.Taking advice can be helpful, so that you have other options to consider when it comes to making an important decision.As for ending the conversation, change the topic and ask them about their family, their health or their hobbies. People like talking about themselves.
Do you think people need to be told what to do?
I try to never give advice unless and until they ask for it. Even then, I try to keep it as brief as possible. The reason why is because the reason people find themselves unable to deal with a situation is frequently their own ego. They might not like the way things are, but in order to change they have to admit they are doing something wrong. The place I see this most often is the horse world. As a dressage rider I think it happens more in dressage than other disciplines but I could be wrong. I think looks something like this, a dressage rider has a very poor ride at a show and asks me why her horse would not do what she wanted. I tell her that her horse was ridden very crooked, making him uncomfortable and unbalanced. He was throwing his head in the air because she was riding too slowly for the horse to carry himself so he feels like he is going to fall forward and this is the way he tries to keep from tipping over. No matter how diplomatically I try to word this, the most frequent response is to just look right through me. I might as well have been speaking a foreign language because what I said doesn't fit in with what they think is the problem. So now I just save my breath. I would never offer unsolicited advice because in the end, like the saying goes 'people are gonna do what they are gonna do’.
Why don't people THINK before they SPEAK?
I may have my faults and I will be the first to admit that I am a work in progress and always need to improve, but why dont people think before they speak and why do people feel the "need" to offer unsolicted advice? For example a realtive said to me Oh you cannot have children and you had surgery to prevent kids because of medical and financial reasons you should come to terms with it accept it and go on? I was aghast and caught off guard that anyone would say such a thing knowing damn well all I ever wanted was children. I deal with this all the time and we dont feel led to adopt. Why do people always feel like they have the god given right to try to verbally "fix" what is wrong with a poor choice of words? I would NEVER say anything like that do someone exspeically if I knew they could not conceive or have children? How can I make certain I never become uncompassionate or insenstive to peoples needs?
Do you feel like people are talking down to you when they offer unsolicited advice?
It depends on the situation, the adviser, and the advice. I usually find I elicit helpful advice when I'm obviously struggling; some recent pieces of unsolicited advice I received that I was quite glad to receive include: "Squat and lean on your back leg for better momentum when batting [in the context of playing baseball]." "Turn down the heat, the sauce is pretty thick already [in the context of cooking]." "Honk honk! [in the context of driving]" Do I know how to swing a bat, cook, and drive? Technically yes. Do I always do it properly without feedback? Probably not. I figure, if I can benefit and do something better by receiving advice, I'm better for it and I have no business being uppity about it, but that's just me. It can be difficult for me to ask for advice, particularly when I'm not aware of just how poorly I'm doing, so I tend to not get upset about that. When I do get upset about such things, it's either because I'm struggling with something I feel pretty confident about doing or I'm trying to do something I know how to do but I'm not getting the hang of. For example, I'm a bit of a video game nerd. If you told me to try a game after knowing about my tastes, I'd happily try it. If, however, you told me something obvious, like, "You need to time your jumps to make it past those Goombas," it might piss me off that you're assuming I don't know that and that I don't know how to play a basic platformer with easy controls. If you are the sort of person who gives unsolicited advice, do your audience (and yourself!) a favor and deliver advice that is appropriate for the situation.