My family has no boundaries?!!?
Your treatment is not yet complete. There is an IMPORTANT lesson for you to learn: YOU can control NO ONE but yourself. You cannot change your Mpom or Dad or sibling. You can;t change the people at school or at work. The ONLY thing you can change is HOW YOU RESPOND to them. so, YOU need to learn to STOP using your treatment to psychoanalyze THEM. You know what YOU need to do, but your treatment does not apply to THEM, SO STOP DOING IT. Now that you are back home USE YOUR TREATMENT TO CHANGE YOURSELF so that you can better get along with them, no matter WHAT they do.
My family has NO boundaries!!?
Help! My mom and my brother think they own me! They constantly offer unsolicited advice, they disrespect my relationship with my spouse, My mom walks around the house NAKED sometimes and my brother even changed in front of me and my spouse (he told us to turn around).My family makes rude remarks about my spouses religion/family. They constantly nose into our buisness by asking if were fighting which i find insulting. They always want to talk to be about my spouse and they talk behind his back and ask me to hide things from him. The biggest problem is they dont get the picture that im trying to distance from them. They think im being "rude" or that my spouse in influencing me, if anything he is helping em realize their nonsense. And also my brother gets jealous of my spouse and treats me like his girlfriend!! He doesnt respect my privacy my hacking into my facebook, borrowing money and not retunring it etc... and when i say no he doesnt take it!! HELPPPP What can I do to get them to BACK OFF.
My wife doesn't respect my privacy!?
She has past issues that she is making you pay for , You need to lay down the law and talk to her , he apparently is looking for something to go wrong, shes expecting to find women emails, and catch you cheating , This beahvior is because of something in her past she has trust issues. I have total acces to my husbands text emails and everything he has access to mine we do it not because we dont trust each other but because we feel we are one , so we dont have any issues with that and we never thing about any negative things. Now tell me why do you need the privacy? I understand man need time to yourself , just take it shes your wife not your mother. women and men need time to themselves atleast once a week for a healthy relationship , talk to her it needs to happen. change your passwords , put a password on your phone this is very easy , and let her get upset over it , When men are pushed this way the end up doing what theire wifes think they are when they are not . The end of thinking well if im gona be acused of it no matter what i do or say i might as well do it. let her know this and see if there is any change. good luck
How do I set boundaries with my boyfriend’s parents? My boyfriend’s father wants to stay with us in our home for three weeks for vacation. I do not want this to happen at all. A week is my limit and even that is pushing it.
I’m going to answer as if you said “husband” instead of “boyfriend”. You live together, but I don’t have a way of knowing what “boyfriend” means to you in terms of commitment to a partnership approach to life.3 weeks is a long visit for relatives in most cultures that speak English (the language of your question). A lot of people would consider 1 week a long time too, and it sounds like you agree. You don’t sound unreasonable, but the request for 3 weeks doesn’t sound outrageous either, just unusual.I think what your “husband” should do is present your limit as the limit you both have selected, and give the reasons as his own, or as your reasons together. You value your time with each other and after a week you will need to focus on your relationship again.If he’s not up to that, he’s not “husband” material in my opinion. Whether he’s good enough for “boyfriend” is up to you.Wishing you well.
What is it like to live with persons that don't respect your personal space boundary?
Violating if it was a roommate. If it was a spouse a significant other I may have different feelings on the matter. When I sleep I need my room. No contact except pillows. It gets too hot!! Now don't get me wrong I crave affection so much. My genetic makeup will sound alarms and do the pissy mood. I then have a urge to need my love tank full annoyingly right away. However, I am an introvert and a self aware at and content at that too. I need my time to reflect, regenerate and meditate. If I don't get that space, my psyche and mental and spiritual/ emotional self is unstable and shit will be unhealthy obsessive and toxic. My partner will have have doomed my needs and wants and will have this adverse effect that will kill the relationship and my well being. Probably not the direction you were anticipating but that has been my experience.
Are my mom and step dad overstepping boundaries with my baby?
Okay. I'm 22 years old and live at home (I'm on summer break from college) with my mom and soon-to-be-step dad. My son is now 6, almost 7 months old and I feel like they (mostly him) are controlling me and taking over my son. My step dad stayed in the room while my son was being born, while I was being cleaned up my doctor, and when I was attempting to breast-feed. Since then, they constantly harp about what I am doing WRONG (i.e. my son has GERD, he had a heat rash on his bum, etc). Here recently, he has been commenting about the heat rash after i talked to the pediatrician, and said that if DHS came he would support them! I am a single mother and the only job I could find was part time. Every penny I get (even birthday money) I spend on my son. They take him everywhere and I do not have ANY say so about it. Are they (especially him) overstepping boundaries or am I over-reacting?
How do you set boundaries with verbally and emotionally abusive parents? They just walk in my room whenever and never knock, they always downgrade everything I like, and always tell me about their lives and always gossiping to me.
Wow. You didn’t say how old you are, and so much hangs on that. I do sincerely empathize! If you are still an minor, you might be kind of stuck. BUT … you can look at this in an adult way, and maybe accomplish something. Earning your parents’ trust is number one. Do they feel they can trust you? Is there anything you can do to help them feel they can trust you more? Be more upfront or open, or share your own personal problems with them?It does sound as though they are using you for a sounding board, so in effect they are sharing their adult lives with you, which means you are most likely a valued member of your household.It’s tough. And I know that. Try to meet them at an adult level with respect and kindness. They seem to need you to talk to. Perhaps try to turn each gossip or problem conversation into something more positive. But I beg of you, please do not shut them out of your life! They love you and you are very important. You are worthy of respect, too, and of course in many ways, your own privacy. But please try to meet them on a common ground.Sometimes you can make agreements and compromises with them. (i.e. Please knock before going into my room) and tell them exactly how much it hurts you. Sometimes, parents are just not really aware of their kid’s feelings. Your job is to try and bridge that gap. With respect, always.Just never forget that no matter what, YOU ARE PRECIOUS AND VERY IMPORTANT TO THE WORLD!! Never doubt this!!
My parents won't respect my sleep schedule?
This has been a topic of controversy in my family all summer. I tend to stay up till about midnight every night (my job doesn't start until noon or later most days, so getting up early isn't an issue). However my mom has a rule that I have to be up by 9 every morning. I'm not too happy about that, but I figured it wasn't too demanding so I agreed to it and set my own alarm and everything. However, she has a total disregard for other people's sleep schedules. She's a morning person and she's up at 5 or 6 every morning. When she gets up, she'll have loud conversations with my father, stomp around, slam doors, etc. I've tried sitting the family down to discuss this (my sister is on my side), and I've tried reasoning with her like an adult. All she'll say is "it's my house, I can do what I want" and "next semester when you're in college you'll have to deal with people being loud." By the way, I looked up my college dorm's quiet hours and they're from 11 at night till 9 in the morning, so I obviously won't have to deal with people waking me up early. I don't know how to handle this. My dad sees my point, but none of us can get my mother to cooperate and compromise with us. I've talked to my friends about it, and they said that if she won't respect my sleep schedule I should do the same and do stuff like slam doors at 11 at night when she's in bed to give her a taste of her own medicine. I want to try a more mature approach, but I'm just not sure what since I've already tried talking with her and trying to compromise. Please help!
How do you tell your spouse that they are disrespecting the relationship boundaries? I’ve tried and have been told that I’m jealous and a narcissist.
When you set boundaries, in a relationship or elsewhere in the world, there are a few things you need to do.You need to express the boundary. It should sound something like “you can’t insult me in front of your friends”. You can’t expect somebody to respect a boundary they don’t know about. It might seem obvious to you but maybe your spouse thinks this is just how people talk about each other. You don’t need to attack their point of view, just say you’re not ok with it.You need to think about the consequences of what you will do if the boundary is violated. Will you state the boundary again, get up and walk away, make them sleep on the sofa? It’s up to you to decide. It shouldn’t be a punishment as much as a consequence. If you get pushback from setting the boundary it’s a good time to express the consequence.Then you need to defend your boundary and follow through. You’ll entirely lose respect if you don’t follow through with the consequences.This method was taught to me while I was learning how not to be codependent. The example was a spouse who gets drunk and can’t make it to work in the morning. The consequence was that the sober spouse would not call the boss and make up excuses.
My friend’s dad doesn't want me coming over to his house because he says he's not used to black people. Should I still be friends with him?
In my opinion, no.If the dad is that messed up, it’s likely this insult is just the tip of a huge iceberg of family dysfunction. Consider why the friend even dignified his father’s douchebaggery by telling you about it and accommodating it.You are a precious being, but others won’t always protect and defend that. When they don’t respect you, no matter their reasons, you have the right and responsibility to show them how it’s supposed to be done.If your friend realizes this and tells dad to shove it or makes an effort to protect you from that nonsense, well the friend learned something and that’s good.If your friend thinks you’re in the wrong for standing up for your dignity, then the friend is enabling their family dysfunction and you’ve dodged a bullet so good riddance.Manipulative people do small tests to see if you’ll take a little invasion of your boundaries. If you do, they don’t like and respect you more. Rather, they just do a bigger test of your boundaries.It’s a test to see if you’ll put up with being used.So instead of thinking about how it’s not the friend’s fault, and maybe how the friend is being abused by the dad and really needs your friendship right now, consider: what does this friend really want from you? And why does this friend expect you to put up with such disrespect?Draw the line now, as the next insult will be worse.