Eating Disorder Recovery

What is it like to recover from an eating disorder?

In my personal experience, having allowed my eating disorder to take grip for many years before I did battle with it, recovery was a long, slow and painful process.  As I started eating I went through a period of being physically unwell - (unintentionally) throwing up almost everything I ate and feeling unable to get out of bed with horrible flu like symptoms.  I think perhaps my body just wasn't used to food.  And when my weight did begin to increase I was terrified of the way my body started to look - despite being still physically underweight, my body looked obese and hideous to me.  As my weight increased my brain started to function again and went into overdrive - memories which had been locked up for a long time began to plague me in the form of night terrors for many months.  It was a very,very hard time which I could not have made it through without the amazing support I had.  The other thing I discovered was that (even many years on) I never got to a point where I felt like I was 100% recovered and could leave my eating disorder behind.  I found that every day I had to wake up and make a positive decision to eat healthily.  To this day I have to be in control of my diet by making sure I eat three meals a day without fail.  No matter what is going on in my life at that moment, I must eat a meal or something like one.  I fear that if I don't I might lose control - much like an alcoholic can't have a single glass of wine... Above all though, recovery is hugely empowering.  Suffering from an eating disorder is like being a prisoner and recovery made me discover the world afresh and appreciate all the amazing things I could be and do.  It made me appreciate my life and want to seize every opportunity with both hands.   So in short - recovery is hard, but it's totally worth it!

Can I recover from an eating disorder on my own?

Hi, I don’t want to tell you that you can’t recover on your own— because I don’t know for sure. What I do know is that you would greatly, greatly benefit from support.Eating disorders grow and thrive and celebrate and enjoy isolation. They are an affliction of cognitive distortions and maladaptive coping techniques that are all formed in your mind. When you attempt to recover alone, it’s just you against Ed (Ed is the affectionate name that the recovery community gives to the eating disorder voice in your head). Ed is a master tormenter. He will tell you that you’re not thin enough, not pretty enough, not good enough and that you have to do things, terrible things to make yourself better- that you have to starve, binge, purge, diet, exercise until you’re ready to drop, or sit in your bed alone and isolate. Then, he torments you more. It’s never enough for him. He’ll keep abusing. When you start working with a group of others who are dealing with the same thing, Ed gets smaller. The tormenter begins to get weaker when he is up against an army of people who are speaking to you kindly and with love and support and telling you the opposite of what he’s telling you.Even if you are in a place where you’re no longer dieting or purging— which is fantastic by the way, congratulations on getting through that — you would enjoy having others to talk to about this and to support you when you’re “feeling fat.”Good luck to you- I think you’ve done amazing in your journey so far and I know that you can be 100% free of this. I totally encourage you to get support and don’t go it alone. Most people with EDs are very independent and feel like they have to do everything on their own. But we are interdependent beings - we rely on each other and getting love, support, and encouragement from others can help you really get to the other side of this.

Why don't I want to recover from my eating disorder?

If possible, definitely check out this Blog, it’s extremely useful and provide articles addressing all aspects of eating disorder by an experienced expert in the field. It’s all evidence based and a definite help.The reluctance to recover may be due to fear of reverting back to the condition before, such as gaining back weight or not having the motivation and purpose to why you should recover. Also, the act of disordered eating itself reinforces the habit, the brain is extremely adaptive, but in this case plays a disadvantage as it becomes harder over time to overcome the habit and mindset of disordered eating.A theory has been suggested that the trait of eating disorder may provide evolutionary benefits; for example, if a tribe is undergoing famine, majority of the members would be tired and too starved to find any food sources. However, those possessing the traits would in turn be ‘energetic’ enough to find food under a starving state and save everyone else. But in the modern society, there's no need for you to starve yourself to find food, there's food available everywhere.NEVER THINK OF THE EATING DISORDER AS A DEMON/MONSTER. It’s a chronic condition and one can only at best, achieve full stable remission without major relapses, but it will never disappear or 'go away’. Labeling it as a demon inside you will only feed it power over you, that you will never be able to defeat it. Instead, think of it as a haywire superhero inside you who is frantic and crazy about releasing this superpower to ‘save’ you at the wrong time with the wrong method. No, you do not need to think of food 24/7. And yes, it is okay to eat that piece of cookie because there's food all around so you don't have to forage for food in the wild. Ultimately, you have to still have to live with that superhero throughout your life, don’t view it as a monster, but a frantic little superhero that you need to address with patience from time to time.Don’t fight yourself.