My girlfriend's mom has cancer and I feel rejected. What should I do?
Two things occur to me:Firstly, don't feel bad about feeling rejected. If you had a really close relationship with your girl, and now you don't, and you miss it. Fair enough, you're human!Secondly, accept that you will likely never get it back. As Jeffrey Poehlmann notes below, what you're feeling is harsh, but NOT as harsh as being told your mum has cancer.Worth highlighting before I go on: I lost my mum to cancer when I was 25. I don't know my dad, so she was my only parent.The most important thing you need to recognise is this:You do not understand what she is going through. That's NOT a criticism. How the hell could you understand?When my mum was diagnosed (four years before she died) the overwhelming feeling when talking to friends/my girlfriend at the time was:'I'm so glad they're here and helping me, but they just don't get it.'I only felt better when I found a forum and talked to people dealing with a similar situation.Here's the harsh truth of it:You will never have exactly the same relationship with your girlfriend that you had before, because she is now a different person.Even if her mum gets better (and I really hope she does) she won't see life in the same way. Things that seemed to matter a great deal to her before now won't be worth her time or energy. How she likes spending her time might change. It's down to you whether you consider this new relationship - because, unfortunately, that's what it is - worth making an effort to sustain.Your relationship - as it was - is never coming back. Do you want to invest your time and energy in supporting your girlfriend through this? Do you want to help her and make her life easier, even if you get nothing in return?There is NOTHING wrong with you saying 'No, I can't hack it'. That takes guts.I'm assuming you're fairly young. There's nothing wrong with admitting that you don't want to deal with anything this serious yet. That you want life to be easy for a few more years yet.(I sure as hell would have chosen that course if I had the option!)The worst thing you could possibly do is hang on and try to make her feel bad. Every bit of energy she has now will need to go into this new challenge that life has thrown at her.Unfortunately, she has no room in her life for someone to drag her down. Decide that you are prepared to do whatever it takes to make her life easier, or leave.Those are the RIGHT things to do, whether you like them or not.
Is it normal to cry after rejecting someone?
I apologize for this long comment, but please read: I know it's normal to feel bad after rejecting a guy, but after I turned down a date from my best guy friend I cried for a good ten minutes and I don't even know why. He had told me he liked me a while back, and I told him I liked him back and that we should hang out more. He is black and when I mentioned this casually to my mom in a conversation, she was extremely opposed to me dating him. This confused me extremely because I didn't want to go against her (she is pretty much the only family I have left), and at the same time he kept wanting to hang out with me and I didn't know what to do. I even went through a crazy phase when I was angry when he kept calling me, because I was trying to avoid him and not stir his (or my) feelings more. I began to believe the things my mom was telling me - that I was inexperienced and stupid, and I began to believe that I really didn't like him after all. I expected to feel relieved after I finally turned him down, but instead I just feel horrible. I usually know my own feelings, but I have never felt so conflicted over a guy in my life. I am 20 and have never had a steady boyfriend who I could really connect to like this. I don't want to feel like I missed out on a good relationship. My mother says I would be "wasted" on him when she hasn't even met him, and that I have plenty of other guys to choose from. When I expressed my sadness over rejecting him, she even got mad at me and told me to "stop whining." My mom and I have always been close, but she feels like a stranger to me now; and at the same time I feel like I have disappointed her. I don't even know what it is I'm asking, but I guess what I want to know is - did I do the right thing by listening to my mother instead of giving him a try? I didn't want to hurt him or my mother in the future. Any advice for a girl who's just trying to find the right guy in life?
My birth mother rejected me twice?
I was adopted at 2 weeks old, it was a closed adoption. My birth mom was 16 when she had me. I'm 14, and I started talking to her on facebook three months ago. She also gave me her phone number, and we had a few phone conversations. Everything was going great (except that I hadn't told my adoptive mom that I was in contact with her) and I was actually starting to feel whole again (my whole life, I've always felt kind of empty since I knew nothing about my real family). She showed me pictures of my grandma, who I looked exactly like, she told me about my bio family, I was so happy. Two days ago, I went to find her on facebook, and she didn't show up. Meaning she either blocked me, or deleted me. So when I went to call her, it said this number was no longer in use. I emailed her, but I haven't gotten a reply yet. I can't believe she would completely block me off again. I just feel like dying, I feel so rejected. How do I just get over it? And please no rude answers..thanks..
My mom has rejected me my whole life. Why do I care so much?
Hi... i'm sorry for your struggle, and i have been in your position - but, with my father. I was rejected by him all my life, could never do anything right. He abused me in every way you can think of from the time i was about 5 years old. It turns out, my father is a sick individual, has low self-esteem and anger issues. He took it all out on me, from the time i can remember. I quit talking to him over 16 years ago, but i still wonder "why?" once in a while. .... but not as much as i did in the past. My father's treatment of me caused a lot of emotional and life problems for me. The trauma i experienced caused me to have difficulty with relationships, i wondered what was wrong with me for years, i acted out, i drank -- you name it. I finally realized i could try therapy and get some help. I learned quite a lot. While i always craved positive attention and affection from my father, and even love, it wasn't possible because he DOES NOT know HOW to give that, or even feel it. So, i can't very well expect someone who is as miserable as my father, to have the ability to give anything positive to me. My sisters, and even one of my sons still talk to him, but they don't have a really close relationship. Both my sisters are waiting for him to drop dead and are available to him from time to time so they will be sure to $collect$ upon his death. One of my sisters even told me this! I'm not sure about my son's motives - he's 34 years old, and is free to associate with whomever he likes, so his association with my father doesn't affect me. I understand how you feel and why you ask yourself "why can i just NOT CARE???" I hope that my answer will help you to see that your mother has problems, and probably doesn't even like herself. If the rest of your family were honest, they'd probably tell you she's not capable of much compassion. Her facebook drama is all a show, i'm sure. Take care of YOU... depend upon those you love and care for. I'm sure there are many people who do. It's also interesting to note that those closest to us are not necessarily family. sending hugs
Can a Humans Touch Make Mother's Reject their Newborn Puppies?
Ok, I volunteer for the local Humane Society. Whenever we get an expectant mother dog, we're always told not to touch the newborns as the mother will reject them. My understanding is that the mother is protective so be careful when handling them coz they can cause harm and I've only heard of cases like that with animals in the wild. Your help will be greatly appreciated :)
If you touch a new born puppy dog the mother will reject Him and the puppy will die?
Mom will not reject her pups because you touch them. However you should watch mom's reactions. Some moms are comfortable with their pups being handled. Some are nervous mothers. If she is comfortable with you handling the pups, you may do so. If she seems nervous, adding the stress of handling the pups may cause her to reject them.. or even kill and eat them. Its hard to tell what a nervous mom will do. Keep handling to a minimal if she's a nervous mom. Wash your hands before handling pups. Handling should be limited to household members, or main care takers ONLY. If she's a nervous mother, ONLY her main-caretaker should handle the puppies. Dont invite your friends to come over and see newborn pups. They are young and susceptable to illness. Having visitors in and out of the whelping area may also stress even the best of mothers.