My friend keeps copying me and its really annoying?
I've asked this question like 3 times but i need more answers so im asking it again. :[ So my friend lets call her, Lily. Well she keeps copy everything about me. It started at the end of 7th grade (we're now in 8th). So i made up a list to show you guys everything she does to copy me. - I buy grey skinnies. She buys them after me. - I shop at PacSun and Hot Topic. She changes from Abercrombie to those two stores. - I date this guy when we break up Lily suddenly likes him. - I cut layers into my hair, she Attempts... to cut layers into her hair. - I change my fringe, she Attempts... to change her fringe. - I buy red skinnies, she suddenly buys them. - I date another guy in the summer and we break up (but i still like him) and she goes out with him KNOWING I LIKE HIM ! Which i think is really effed up. - I get new Nike hightops, she buys almost the same pair. - I wear makeup, she tries to wear the makeup the same way. - I use the word Amazinglyawesome over I.M. She uses it in person. And not just that all she talked about last year is how she 'cut' herself. And she drew on cuts with sharpie. Doing that it looked like she was mocking a really good friend of mine who actually cut herself due to problems in her family. And now all she talks about is how 'Hardcore' she is and how she loves Hot Topic and Gir from Invader Zim. Lily also steals my sit at lunch which really annoys me, haha i dont know why it annoys me so much it just does. Oh yeah. I've always kinda wanted to get snakebites and a tattoo of L.o.v.e on my wrist. And now guess who wants to get that ? So what im asking is how the hell do i get her to stop copying. And yes i understand many other people dress like me and have their hair like me, but its strange how i get it and she gets it. So PLEASEEEE help me. Thank You !!!!!!!!!!! xx
I am very thin and a friend of mine keeps commenting I have no boobs whenever we hang out. How can I reply?
I know how it is to have small boobs, I've always been quite skinny. A year ago I went out to a club with my friends for the first time in forever and I had an amazing time… until at the end one guy said: “is that your front or your back?” when I walked past him. I looked around me but I couldn't see who said it so I wasn't able to say anything back. I'm not sure if I would've said anything either way had I known who he was.But it stayed with me, and I thought about it often. It sucked.But you know the face behind the voice, it's your friend. I don't know how old you are, but especially when you're younger (young teen for example) you can say stupid things to your friends because you're unsure about yourself. I think that's what's happening here. But it doesn't make it alright and you should definitely say something about it.Next time she comments on your chest, say that it makes you uncomfortable. Ask her why she would say such a thing because you can't do anything about it either way. If she's really your friend, she'll apologise and she won't say anything like this again. If she gets mad or defensive, she's not a real friend.And don't worry, I've grown to love my size, and so will you. Small boobs mean you don't have to wear bras! You don't need them! No backpain, no casually having to hold them when you run up and down the stairs, and you can actually lay on your stomach and be comfortable.Good luck! :)
A friend of mine keeps using a slur that makes me uncomfortable, but doesn't refer to me. How can I tactfully get him to stop?
"How can I get him to stop?"That implies control. You can't make him stop, but you can give him incentive to want to stop, if he agrees with your assessment of the word. If he doesn't, he may continue to use it just to tease you with it, or he may just not care about whether or not the word bothers you.I say you have three ways of dealing with this.One is, you can calmly explain to your friend—you did say he is your friend—that the word bothers you, and why it bothers you. It's important to make it known that you are objecting to his use of that word... not that you're criticizing his character. (Watch the movie in Laura Copeland's answer for an excellent discussion on this.) You care about him as a friend and you want him to know that you, and likely many other people in addition to you, react very negatively to the use of that word, and that it may damage his relationships, professionally and personally, if he continues to use it flippantly.Now his reaction will influence the second method of dealing with this, but you can also elect to do this without acting on the first suggestion. If he responds dismissively or defensively, you can choose to spend less time in that person's company, and just understand that he's going to continue to use the word regardless of what you think about his choice of language.Thirdly, you can just accept him and his language just as he is, and let karma catch up to him as it may. It's very possible that his continued use of the word will come back to hurt him later, and it may be in such a way that has very real consequences for him... either socially (with someone he admires/respects scolding him for it) or practically (a waiter hears him use it and it affects his service, a boss hears him use it and it affects his employee evaluation, etc.). Some might argue that this is what should happen to people who casually toss around inflammatory language carelessly.If you elect to continue to spend time with him and he continues to use the word, I'd advise one other thing: Don't ever give him positive feedback from using it. Don't laugh when he uses it trying to be funny. Don't act shocked or stunned, and don't participate in the response if others laugh at his using the word. He's the one who is making himself look foolish and childish (particularly with that word... it only reflects on the user, not the person being referred to). It's not cute, funny or bold... it's stupid.
How should one reply to a racist comment? And can one forgive the comment-maker?
To jeremyshaw991: Whilst your comment has been insightful, it doesn't address my question. In essence you seem to hold a laissez-faire attitude, that is, you 'let it be'. Whilst I honestly admire your ability to chose and ignore and 'accept' others opinions; I can't help but wonder this is the most appropriate attitude when it comes to downright racism. Let's say that I claimed your race was a 'virus', would you merely let it go (because it's my opinion?) Do you honestly think and believe that we live in this beautiful world where, if we chose to ignore intolerable comments, then perhaps everything will revert back to normal and we'd all have a loving hug? If so, then your logic has been wasted. Your comment may be applicable to certain sitautions - but not when someone spits out such a disgusting thought. You also claim that your 'let it be' attitude, the world would be more 'creativity' and seemly wondrous, but let's face it, it's useless in this ugly world.
How should I respond to friends who unnecessarily make fun of me? I really can't ignore them, as they are either my friends or fall in a friend circle. I sometimes try to fight back but I fail at their level of making fun.
There is a good chance they are doing it because they are insecure. If you want it to stop, use operant conditioning - basically, train them to stop. Here is how.1) figure out something you can say in retort that lets them know a) their comment didn't bother you and b) that it was pretty stupid.This can be - "thank you very much for that information" (in a deadpan voice) or "that was a mean thing to say" in a matter of fact tone of voice. I know someone who simply says the word "respect." and leaves it at that. As long as it is calm, not rude and lets them know what they just said wasn't ok with you, but that it didn't rile you up either.2) Practice saying this so that you can deliver the line/retort in as calm and matter of fact way as possible. You aren't mad at them, it just isn't something they should continue doing or saying.3) practice making eye contact when you deliver the line. If you are incapable of making eye contact, look above their head or at their ear.4) Whenever they say something mean or stupid, say your line, the same line. EVERYTIME! No exceptions. They will most likely be confused at first and then they will try to make fun of you for actually responding in a way they don't like. This is their attempt to get you to go back to the old way of responding, which they clearly liked. Don't go back. Continue as if you are a broken record and repeat until they stop. It is the consistency of your response that will get them to stop. If you sometimes do this and sometimes don't you will be variably reinforcing them and that will cause them to get worse and escalate their behavior. (The dynamic you are triggering by doing this btw is called an extinction burst).5) Whenever they behave respectfully and nice, smile, talk and engage with them and basically positively reinforce their good behavior.Hope this helps. If you want to learn more check out http://thebullyvaccine.com
Why do coworkers always ask for your food?
I can understand a close friend or family member asking for a bite, but coworkers for some reason seem to think they are entitled to your food, like you do not have a right to eat it. This has happened in just about every place that I have worked. A friend of mine has started to eat lunch in her car to get away from them at lunch time. They flock to you when you bring in your lunch. Why do they thinks it's our duty to feed them, and how do you deal with it effectively?
Do you know someone who constantly disagrees with you on everything?
Yes I do. It is also comical that they will disagree or “try to control” the conversation by saying the same thing I’ve said at first. Also, some people just cannot accept a yes or a no answer. Nor can they just accept your flat out comment for what it’s worth. Many people will jump in and try to make your comment or words “theirs”. Someone I know will ask a vague vague question and of course, no matter what I answer with will be specific enough for their lack of focus. It’s amazing how something that could have been answered with a yes or no can go into deep discussion for a half hour. This type of behavior upsets me because I can form a proper question and I can answer one too. BUT I must admit that such adverse conversation is very good at learning how to address those who may not be as fluent in the social skills.This doesn’t even touch the issue that people do NOT listen. They just prepare their rebuttal!
Help me! my friend swears at me for no reason!?
Soo..My name is Emil, i am 11 and a dear friend of mine just suddenly texted me and said "ej nahuj" (f*** you) and i am confused. Cuz i did not do anything bad to him. Pleasesay why did he do that. Thank you!
How does skinny-shaming affect people? Do they start seeing them being thin as a problem or something they don't like about themselves?
Skinny shaming has never ended for me. I just learnt to deal with it somehow.I have always been underweight. My height is 170 cm and my current weight is 47 kg. I have never weighted more than 50 kg. I am naturally skinny. I am reminded of that regularly. A new acquaintance within a few hours of talking to me: “Oh you are so thin!” EVERY parent of every friend of mine when I come to their house: “Oh you are so thin!” Relatives seeing me after long time: “Oh you are so thin!”Sometimes these comments are said in disgusted voice, sometimes with envy, sometimes with care (“You will look healthier if you put on some weight!”). In the end of the day they all freak me out because they point out my body as if it is thing, something everybody can discuss freely. I am so much more than my body. And I really do not think that my humble figure deserves that much concern. I am healthy, I eat and exercise properly. I am OK!It took me long time to distance myself and my own self awareness from what is being said about my body. As a teenager I felt constant need to apologize as if my thinness was a disease threatening people. It is a hurting discovery that, despite the fact that I feel so good and comfortable in my body, people are willing to point out how wrong my body is. This shame of my own body tortured me for many years and I am still over coming it in some or other way.What helps? Exercise certainly does. When you see how you become stronger, more flexible and active, you care so much less what others say. You see your beauty with your own eyes, anything else hardly matters. I also filter my friend circle. If, for whatever reason, somebody cannot stop talking about my weight, I distance myself from them. Mature and polite people do not behave like those. I want to be with friends who love and appreciate me. Anyone else may leave.As a thin person for long time I thought that other people had some right to discuss my body. I thought if I looked so weird, of course, it was okay for others to mention it. I realized it is wrong. Nobody has a right to judge my face, my weight, my body. I am the one who decides what is good for me, not they. Since I understood this simple truth it’s been much easier to reduce skinny shaming in my life.
How do you deal with a person who constantly brings you down?
A friend of mine used to be very aggressive, with friends, colleagues and anyone she used to be with.Her constant reaction to most people would to be show them in poor light, or find mistakes in what they did. It left her surrounded by a lot of resentment, and few friends.One day, she did the same with me. Instead of reacting very aggressively, as she had got used to expecting, I simply asked her “Why do you this?”She was taken aback with calmness, and couldn’t find her footing. As I probed her further, instead of being angry, she became even more upset as the true reason came to the fore.“Aviral, I feel very insecure. I think most people are better than me, and how will I progress if I see everyone is better than me?”Translated : I am not trying to hurt you, I am only trying to protect myself.That day, I realised an important thing. Most people exhibiting this are doing it only for self preservation, and mostly never mean any harm to you (although they end up saying hurtful things).If they mean something to you, or if you are a good samaritan, talk with empathy. It will usually be an unresolved internal conflict, and you could help them resolve it.You will realise it is never about you, it is almost always about them.