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Funny Baby Stories Xd

Cool and funny sex stories?

well... i remembered one story too...
in a summer day... i sleep in the couch and when i was tring to sleep, i began to hear some winches. i tried to ignore it but after that... i started hearing my mom sighing. I put my pillow on my head and tried to ignore it... but i went on for some minutes... them they stopped... in the next mornig i was talking to my brother... and he also heard... so i went to kitchen and just said... "Dad... the bed is making whiches..." my mother laugh embarassed and my father got out of the room... some hours later... my father was putting oil in the bed... xd

What are some funny stories of your childhood?

This happened when I was about 8 years old. I'd like to mention that my mom was not the person who she is today. She was really short tempered. We were staying in Pottsville, Pennsylvania. My parents had removed all the bedsheets and pillow covers and put them in the wash.I was sitting in my parents room, watching TV. I don't know how I had a marker, but I had a marker with me. I unknowingly started drawing on the mattress. I drew a peace sign, my signature, and a woman holding a baby. I assure you, it was a horrible painting.All of the sudden, my sixth sense went off and I realized that my mom would be coming to put the bedsheets on anytime now. I tried wetting the mattress with a little water to see if the marker would come off. But of course, I was drawing with a Sharpie (permanent marker). I suddenly had the "brilliant" idea to put shampoo on the mattress to get the marker off. I dumped a whole bottle of shampoo onto the mattress and started scrubbing like crazy. It still wouldn't come off. I heard my mom coming up the stairs and I ran into my room. I heard her come into her bedroom and I guess after seeing the foamy mattress, she screamed. I slowly came into her room and whimpered. I told her what happened. She was about to smack me when my dad came in and asked what happened.My mom summarized the story. My dad's a really calm and chill guy. He started to laugh and told her to relax. My dad went and got a hair dryer and started to the dry the area. My mom kept scrubbing and all she would get is foam. She got so angry and she started chasing me with a shoe (typical Indian moms I tell you). My dad told her to relax and to settle down. I remember my dad sitting there with the hair dryer for about an hour until finally, the soap and water dried up. My mom yelled at me and told me to never do it again. We still have the mattress and it brings up a lot of stories of when I was young and "rebellious". We laugh about it till this date. I swear, if my dad wasn't there, "Somebody gonna get a hurt, real bad". (Quoted from Russell Peters)

Any funny mall stories?

i remember one time i was at the mall with a few friends and my boyfriend. My boyfriend got up to get a refill and his brother (which is one of my best friends) sat next to me in my boyfriend's seat. So my boyfriend came back with the soda and he told him to get out of his seat he said no, so he sat on him trying to see if he'd get up. and then his brother rubbed his arm and he was like "hey sexy" in a gay guys voice. my boyfriend bolted up and and sat behind me i was laughing so hard i almost died XD i guess for some people this seems offensive and forgive me if it does but think about this for second you would die laughing too if you were there

Any funny sims stories?

Ahaha. I actually have many.

This one was a while ago when we only had the first version of Sims. I had two sims living together in a house and one day they both decided to sit on a couch. Problem was, they kept cancelling out every action I made for them by themselves. So a bunch of sim hours past and they're starving and need to go to the washroom. But I couldn't get them off the friggen couch. lawl. I can't remember how I solved that. It must've been some mistake in the game...

The second one was with Sims 2. I started from scratch and made a house for two people, then they fell in love, got married and had kids and whatnot. The problem was that I somehow messed up the top floor of the house, so you could go up there but you couldn't get back down.
On a different family, my brother made the cast of the musical/movie Rent. One of my sims was friends with Mimi, so she called her asking her to come over. She asked if she could bring Maureen too. After a while, I assumed they had already left the house because it was night time. While my sims are sleeping I'm hearing these weird ghostly sounds so I look around the house and find the ghosts of Maureen and Mimi upstairs. T__T; They went up there and got stuck, and probably starved to death. Haha. Needless to say, my brother wasn't very happy because the rest of his sims became depressed and went kinda crazy mourning over the loss. So now I have two lovely tombstones upstairs. One of the ghosts kept having a thinking bubble with the couple's son's face in it while getting mad. I think she wanted to kill him or get some sort of revenge... D:

LAST ONE. :D The nanny, Karen Ghast SUCKS. She just walks in, puts the baby on the ground and goes poo in my toilets, doesn't flush AND she influenced all my sims to read the newspaper on it. Before her, they never used to do that. She also takes advantage of the pool and arcade games. She just slacks off all day. :(

So those are my stores :DDD heeheehehe. Sorry that was long...

Any funny pregnancy stories?

i was pregnant at 12 by my teacher and just before i worried so much bout how bad the abortion might hurt i couldnt sleep the night before and just before i went to the clinic i decided not to abort but then my teacher came over and kicked me in the stomach and i delivered a dead baby

I need A laugh...any funny stories to tell?

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

''But how will I let you know the baby is born?'' she asked. He replied, ''Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses.''

Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, ''Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means.''

The doctor said, ''Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.'' Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read, ''Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without!!!.'''

-X-

Funny stories about your child's first birthday?

So, today's my son's first birthday [ dang he's grown up so quick! D: ]

We had his party at my mom's house.

When people first started arriving I was behind schedule, Daniel [ My son ] woke up late. So, he was in the tub on the first floor. He comes running out bare naked. I'm chasing him drenched in water, and everyone was laughing hysterically. [ I was in a white shirt, and sweats ]
Danny starts laughing with everyone. And it was embarrassing, because white shirt with a blue bra [ sorry kinda tmi ] does not go well with water. xD

Then when it was time for cake, Daniel had his about 6 o'clock.

He just looks at me like "What do I do?"

And he eats it, like a crazy person! He digs into it!

then about 10 minutes later, he crashed.

He was playing with his friends, his sister was in the living room sleeping.

I admit, it was hectic, but I wouldn't change it. Loll.

What are some funny stories about your child's first birthday?

I'm curious to know, because I'm still in shock he's already 1!

I can say he's gonna get up early tomorrow, he's still sleeping!!!

Sorry, if this is ranting, I'm shocked [ like i said xD ] but, excited. (:

First Period Stories? Maybe some funny ones? :)?

I was a late bloomer myself. One day I felt cramps, but I categorized them as strong tummy aches since at the time I didn't know they were cramps. I went to the bathroom and my panties were soaked in blood and I had peed blood and I actually got scared, and it never crossed my mind that it was my period. I was standing over the toilet thinking I was broken inside and that I was going to bleed to death so I sat on the toilet until I wasn't dripping anymore and for precaution I folded some toilet paper and placed it on another pair of undies and threw the bloody ones away.

I was waaay too scared to tell my mom, for some reason I thought I did something wrong and felt my mother would punish me. My favorite uncle and his wife were coming from LA to visit for the weekend so my mother was busy anyways making preparations.

About 20 minutes later I went to the bathroom again. I felt SOOO UNCOMFORTABLE.

I checked my panties and I was bloodier than ever ! I finally realized i had to tell my mother. I come outside and I stand by the doorway and I say "Mom I'm bleeding a lot from my private."

She just looked at me for what seemed like forever. And then she gets up and she screams.
"AHHHHHHHH MY LITTLE BABY GOT HER PERIOD. SHES A SENORITA NOW !!!! AHHHHHHH !"

I'm taken aback. She is soooooo fricking excited. In that moment my uncle came and my mother told them the good news so in celebration of my period, they took me out bowling and toasted REALLY LOUDLY about the occasion.

I was beyond mortified but its a nice memory and I'll ever forget that.

(:

What are some stories that are really funny or hilarious but actually have a deeper meaning within?

Once a king wanted to encourage the prosperity of his family. The king asked his Rajrishi (Astrologer) to write something down that could encourage the prosperity of his family for years to come. Rajrishi was the person who tells about the future, talks about graha and nakshtra. Now, the Rajrishi was in trouble. He spent many days to get an idea. Somehow, he got the chance to read the holy book- Bhagwad Geeta. After reading the song of god, he got enlightened. On a large piece of paper, the Rajrishi wrote, "Father dies, son dies, grandson dies."The king became angry when he saw the large piece of paper. He quickly ordered to his Senapati (Army Cheif) to bring the Rajrishi in front of him. Rajrishi was very confident. He entered into the King's palace without any fear. The king said angrily,"I asked you to write something down that could bring happiness and prosperity to my family. Why do you write these depressing lines?"The Rajrishi replied confidently,"If your son die before you, this would bring unbearable grief to your family. If your grandson die before your son, this also would bring great sorrow. If your family, generation after generation, disappears in the order I have described, it will be the natural course of life. This is true happiness and prosperity."

Anyone have a funny story on how you met your bestfriend?

I was the new kid at school in 6th grade so I was in desperate need to make friends, and being a rather shy child that wasn't an easy task for me. After school waiting for the bus I saw this really small girl holding something in her hands so I went over and asked her was it was, she showed me a baby frog and told me other people were messing with it trying to kill it. She thought I'd just leave it at that, but the next day I came back and asked her about it again. She just wanted me to leave her alone, she hated new people [especially me] and didn't like to be bothered by anyone but I just kept bugging her and by 8th grade we became best friends. We're both Seniors in High School and are still best friends.

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