My fiancé and I are about to embark on the process of adopting a child on the autism spectrum, do you have any words of wisdom?
As the mother of a severely autistic kid, I can say that he is a lot better behaved than children who don’t have autism (some of whom might even be older than him), he is very respectful and obedient.The problems include: he still needs a lot of care. It’s not out of the ordinary for your kid to be 12 and still need help brushing his teeth or other hygiene issues. He has no interest in learning new things, even if he’s capable of doing it. So you feel like you almost have to force him to learn things like math or writing. It’s not out of the ordinary for them to be brilliant at some things and just NOT BE INTERESTED in doing anything with that talent.You have to work harder on keeping them active. Again, not being interested in things means a lot of them have no problem with lying in bed all day and you have to take them outside just to get them moving.After all of this, other people (especially religious people for some reason) will judge you harshly and insist that god is angry at you and punishing you by making you care for a disabled child. You will have family members who might not ever meet your child because they don’t want a “sick” kid in their home and you might not be welcome at church. You also have to be more patient with strangers who try to give you bullshit advice (people might advise you to beat your kid to get them to talk or “cure” them by rubbing castor oil on their stomach… NOT KIDDING!).In short, the kids themselves are pleasant, usually quiet unless really excited, but you have to almost do the work for them in finding interesting things for them to do (and no guarantee that they will be interested even then), and it’s the non-autistic people who are going to give you a hard time.
How did you feel giving up your baby for adoption.?
I am a birth mother and have NO regrets about it. I even see this child now and have no maternal feelings for him. What you think is best for your life is very different from what she may be dealing with and what she feels is best. I adopted out my child because i was not ready to be a mom. I knew i was not ready. Yes i had sex. Yes i knew that pregnancy was a possibility when having sex wether protected or not. I also knew i COULD take care of a child on my own. The big thing for me was that i wasnt ready to be a mom. I was very selfish in my desires, lifestyle, whatever you want to call it. Caring for a child was doable but completely unfair to the child. I looked for a family who couldnt have their own and wanted to adopt more than one. I found a wonderful family for the child of my body. He though is the child of her heart. That means sooooo much more than blood and uterus. You calling her slefish by wanting a normal 21yr old life is horrid. I feel that her realizing she is not in a mental position to care for a kid is completely unselfish. While i have no regrets about my desicion it was the HARDEST thing i have yet had to do in my life. I held him in my arms when he was born and cried. Be supportive of her choices. Its not your life........its not your choice. Hopefully you can just love and support her no matter what. It will be the hardest thing she will ever do.
IMPORTANT: Young, pregnant, no money! Any advice on how I wil get by?
I was 22 and still in school when I had my son. I had no job and my husband (fiance at the time) had a minimum wage job. First off, if you have insurance, you are already ahead of most people! If you don't, then more than likely you can qualify for state assistance. If you head over to the health department they can be great in showing you how to get the ball rolling for that. If you are paying for your medical bills out of pocket, most places will really work with you and give you discounts or help you set up payment arrangements so that it fits your monthly budget. As far as baby products go, your friends and family will probably be excited to buy things for the baby. My mom was so happy that she purchased our entire nursery set! If you are buying the items yourself look into a local FreeCycle chapter, where people give away items they no longer need or on Craigslist to buy things used. Also, going to yard sales you can find things super cheap that people just need to get rid of. Most of the daily supplies you will find money for here and there. Clipping cupons and getting on WIC (a state assistance program where you can get free milk, cheese, baby cereals and formula) helps alot. I got so many diapers from my baby shower that I still have not run out and my son is now 1! Plus, if you shop at Dollar Stores or discount marts you can find wipes, bibs, pacifiers and clothes for really cheap. Also if you breast feed and cloth diaper you can save a ton. Somehow things always work out. Money is tight for us, but I finished school and now I am applying for grad school! My husband found a great paying job and I even worked a little between classes to save money while I was pregnant. I think if you have the mind set that things HAVE to work out, then they will! Good luck! P.S. We enjoyed parenthood so much that we are expecting # 2 in June!! It is certainly something that is doable if you make some changes in your life.
Will I go to hell if I have an abortion but ask Jesus for forgiveness after?
That is like asking Can I have my cake and eat it too.
Baby daddy drama???
It is your decision whether or not you want to keep the baby. Just remember that you are only 18 and there is no way you are financially stable to support yourself and a baby. It is alot of work but it can be done. If you don't care about losing him as a friend, then I would keep it. You could always give it up for adoption to a couple who can not have children but desperately want one. That would be the best gift you could give your unborn child. Abortion is wrong...if you want to convince your friend how horrible it is tell him to go to www.abortionno.com. That will for sure change his mind...I cried when I saw it. Just remember that a baby means waking up every 2 hours to feed, burp, and change it, going to work after a night of no sleep, buying a whole new wardrobe for it every season because they grow out of old clothes, insurance for it, food/formula, diapers, car seats, strollers, crib, toys, toys, and more toys, and daycare. And that's not even the end of the list. Think this through, talk with your family and friends, and plan. If you're going to have this baby you need to plan for it financially. Continue with school, get a degree, and live your life how YOU want to.
Nappy rash really bad, tried probably everything?
Hi, my 5-week-old has got a really bad nappy rash - at least that what GP said it is. Her top layer of skin has actually come off in patches in many places and bleeds occasionally. We have tried Sudocream, then went to Metanium, then Nystaforn, now it is Dactacort (antibacterial) together with Fucidin (mild steroid cream), have been using the last two for 2 days, but it is still getting progressively worse. I keep her without a nappy during the day as much as possible, wash her with water only and dry her properly after each dirty nappy. I have swapped the nappy brand Huggies-Pampers, but that didn't make any difference. Don't eat any acidic food (i.e, fruit, raw vegetables). Have no idea what to do next. Feel really helpless. Lost trust in doctors. Has anyone been is similar situation, I really need some advice please.