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Going To China To Visit A Dying Step-father

My step-brother raped me and my step-dad is dying..I don't know what to do?

I am so sorry for the situation you have been put in and I admire your courage as well, It seems your mum knows about what happened and clearly will understand the pressure it will put on you.

But it is about your step-fathers last requests and his funeral and if you dont go, you will regret it and if you dont do exactly what he wished then you will feel bad about it as well. This man you say you are close to,

Be there for yourself, your step-father and your mother, and if you know someone who is going stay with them at he funeral, you dont even have to acknowledge your step-brothers existance, stay within a circle of people you know and pay your last respects to this man.

Some would say, you staying away would mean your step-brother still has an hold on you but at the end of the day its what you feel comfortable with and what you feel you can manage.

I wish you all the luck in the world and I am sorry for the situation you are in currently. Kindest Regards

My step-father is dying. What can I do?

My mother starting dating my step-dad when I was about 11-years-old and so has been in my life for 10 years. He is also the father of my 9-year-old sister. We were never as close as I am to my actual parents or my step-mom, but in the beginning he was alright. He was good to me, there for me, and so on. But, then he changed. He worked out of state for a year and had an affair during that time. He cut my mom, my sister and myself out of his life for 6 months. Never heard a word from him. And then he started all this business of wanting a divorce and trying to take my sister away. After a little while, he begged my mom’s forgiveness and he came back. But, he was a completely different person. He was hateful and spiteful. He emotionally abused me: he told me I would never succeed in life, I would never get into college, that I wasn’t intelligent. He even bad-mouth my mom to her sister and cousin in the ICU waiting room after she had had a heart attack. And my mom never protected me from it. After I moved out to go to college, there broken relationship completely broke apart and they separated. Yet, he periodically would still come to stay at my mom’s house.

But, now he is dying from metastatic pancreatic cancer. He could go any time. I don’t like him, but I didn’t want him to die. I feel sad for my sister and my mom because they still love him. And I feel sad for the person he was.
What can I do? I feel like I’m being cold ?

China Opens Library with 1.2 Million Books in Breathtaking Design…Well, I am dying to go there…. And obviously who do not want to go there and seek for different books and novels and knowledge and who doesn't want peace….. And for book addicts, this place is heaven….This library is located in the Binhai Cultural District in Tianjin, consisting of five floors and designed by the Dutch company TUPDI. It was built on an area of ​​34 thousand square meters and accommodates about 1.2 million books!Thank you !!:-)

My grandfather is dying, and I don't know what to say to him. Please help.?

I agree with "music notes"...

Also, if your grandpa is really dying, he knows he's dying so there's no reason to pretend he isn't. If you need to cry, cry. I would say that he would probably prefer to enjoy his time with you than to console you while you cry though. I'm not saying don't- I'm just saying try to focus on enjoying the time with him as much as you can. You would have to be made of stone to make it through the entire visit without crying.

Tell him how much you love him. Tell him how much the first 5 years meant to you and how thankful you are that you had the opportunity to know him so well when you were young. Tell him how much you've enjoyed the time that you've had with him once a year. Tell him that he's influenced your life and if you can, tell him how. Reminisce with him. Try to make a new memory or two. Hold his hand again. Tell him how thankful you are that you get to see him again. Tell him that you love him.

I wish you all the best. So sorry about your grandpa.

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Absolutely.So sad, but yes. Life lesson and I’d think when she’s older she’d much rather look back and say she was there and said goodbye instead of she wasn’t there and never got a chance. If she later hears her grandma died she’ll be better off knowing she said goodbye than feeling as if she didn’t have the chance to say goodbye.So many different factors, whether they were close, dementia, etc. But let her know when you go about some technicalities (tubes, breathing, etc.,) if she hasn’t been there before. Tell her you want to give grandma some extra love and happiness because she’s stuck in the hospital or something like that and she needs some extra hugs and loving when saying good bye. And let her know grandma is really sick, what’s wrong with her.I’d kind of wait and see if she asks “is grandma going to die” (thinking she may). Then answer her matter-of-factly but soft. Accept and acknowledge the grief and sadness for both of you.Also, as an outsider, I’d say don’t bring any death topics up on the way to the hospital. (I might have different opinion if sudden car accident or something. Why I don’t know.) She’ll need time to process her feelings and thoughts. If you’re on the way to the hospital and haven’t mentioned it, don’t. Just make a special happiness mission and stress the importance of a loving goodbye. What memory do you want her to have?Hesitant whether to tell her “this will be the last time” unless you’re pulling life support. What if you have an opportunity to visit again? A mission of happiness may leave a better trail of memories? But I do believe it will be regretted if she doesn’t go.So much really depends on the personality of the child (emotional, optimistic, pessimistic, anxiety, tantrums, rebellion, aloof, mature, immature, disabilities, etc.). And also whether death is imminent and around a short corner, or if it could be long and drawn out.Just make every moment count.

What to do about a step mother that won't let me see me dad? Best Advice 10 pts?

I'd check the validity of a no trespass order, one can't receive an order of no trespass on a whim. It is sad that your dad has dementia, but since he does, more than likely he would have no response to your step mother speaking ill of you. Also, if she did place him in a nursing home, it would seem that you would be able to visit him there, but I'm guessing she would not likely do that if she is dependent on his income, as then the nursing home would get his money and not her.
The hard part, it seems to me that the rift in this family started when you told your dad she was having an affair, replete with proof. You can't really expect her to be interested in helping to anything including helping you see your dad when you did that to her. I really feel for you, and the only thing short of getting an attorney that may help you here is for you to make amends to your step mom. Yeah, I'm sure you don't want to apologize to her, but if it will close the gap, you need to apologize sooner rather than later. And, you may check with one of your step siblings to help you in apologizing, they may know what you can do to reach her.
I hope this all works out and you and your dad can be together again! Relationships between dad's and daughter's are very special. (^_^)

Standard of Life is better in the USA or China?

Are you all on Glue! I love France but England is by far the better country in terms of contribution to humanity. And as part of the UK even better. Think of your life and the inventions you use – I could start with the internet and then the computer! Both English inventions that changed the world. The UK is where the modern age started. The list is endless, industrialisation, steam engine, electric motor, photography, internet, light bulb, telephone, jet engine, railways, television. Basically without England you would not be sat reading this. Also the UK was the largest empire ever known to humanity - born from England. A quarter of the globe and one in three people were Queen Victoria’s subjects in 1900. Bigger than the Roman Empire. Still to this day Queen Elizabeth is still Queen of the commonwealth, Canada , Australia and New Zealand. France is gorgeous but she is never quite managed this. England can hold her own in a scrap – Nelson, Wellington, Liz fighting the Spanish armarda, for a couple of years England stood alone against Nazi Germany after France fell in a couple of weeks. England is a very small country yet punches hugely over its weight. Culturally she continued on this vein. Have you heard of a guy called William Shakespeare? Or others such as Charles Dickens, Noel Coward, Jane Austin, Percy Shelly, Lord Byron, Conan Doyle, George Orwell, Charlotte Bronte, Daniel Defoe, Lewis Carol. I could go on for several pages here. Musically England is the epicentre yet again – have you heard of a band called the Beatles! and Rolling Stones? David Bowie? Elton John? France again is fab but her worldwide cultural output is less. I would also like to mention that you are reading and probably speaking ENGLISH. The universal language. If you think England is full of Chavs then you need to stop sitting in McDonalds and go for a walk in the countryside. Try Derbyshire, Yorkshire, Cheshire, Cornwall – all gorgeous. It does rain in England but there’s no grass greener or country thus. Long live the Queen! France is amazing but England is the mother of civilization. I should have just said Shakespeare and proved my point!

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