Im embarrassed by my first name?
I KNOW A GUY NAME TARIQ AT MY SCHOOL AND HES REALLY POPULAR. i dont know what your thinking. Tariq is such a cool name. Dude, dont change it... your parents gave you that name. You should be proud of it. Look at these names: Cody, Zack. <---these are whimpy names (no offense guys). Tariq is unique.
What does it feel like to grow up without a father figure in the family?
Most answers I've read here either had a father that has died or left. I have a dad who is alive and still part of my family, and yet I feel qualified to answer this question. Our family story takes place in South Korea. My mom's mother passed away when she was 24, and her dad was diagnosed with Schizophrenia a couple of years later. He was seriously mentally ill and looking after him was a full time job. She had two younger siblings that she needed to look after in addition to that. When she got older, she wanted someone financially stable to look after her, and that's how she met my dad. Although his parents are rich, my dad never had a career. The only thing that kept my mom from divorcing is that my dad's parents were willing to provide financial support for our family. That involved thousands of petty humiliations. This made our family relationship very complex. My dad never made decisions for our family and he was not trusted at all by every single one of us. I am the youngest one in my family, and my older brother and my mom acted as the brains of our family. They didn't make a lot of smart decisions and there were a lot of screw-ups like foreclosure, health issues, wrong major purchases, so on and so forth. Although my mom has made many terrible decisions, perhaps the most important decision which she got right is coming to the US when I was 12. It put my life on a different course. Financial adversities are never fun, but for me, the real drawbacks of having a hippie dad are social adversities. What hurts me the most is that I don't have a father figure that I can talk to. I work at a quantitative hedge fund and all of my friends dads are incredibly educated. When things are hard, their parents can be their best friends, counselors, and psychiatrist. Meanwhile, even if I have a bad day at work, I can't talk to my dad about it. I can't talk to my dad because our relationship has gotten so toxic that it has made normal conversations impossible. This makes me incredibly lonely sometimes. Whenever I think about my dad, I get emotional because I can imagine how much my mom has also suffered and didn't have anyone to talk to about her helpless situation. Now that I'm in my 20's, I get it. Having no dad is perhaps undesirable, but having a dad who is not functional has significantly affected my self-confidence. The good news is that my kids will never go through the same shit I went through.
My brother does not respect women!!! he does not respect anyone!!!!!!!! help?
so my brother(20) he always fights with me,since I was a kid,and as a kid i used to just cry and never fought back but as i grew up i also started to fight but then i realized I can't be that cheap to fight and beat my brother like he always does to me.so i started to ignore whenever he try's to mess up with me. he calls me slut,stupid,whore and whatever comes in in head,I am not even close to slut,I am 18 and i don't have bf not because nobody asks me out but because i just dont want to be in any relationship.I get all A's.He is the slut instead,he smokes tobacco,marijuana,he drinks alcohol,like hell and thinks its cool and he always pulls me down.I always thought that its just brother sister fight and we will eventually be fine and i always forgave him.but he always calls me s***,w**** and beats me and today was the limit,i also heard him say that women should be beaten and what i heard him saying proves that he thinks women are like shoes.and he thinks that when women were treated like bullshit,it was the right thing. i always thought that its just brother sister fight and he is a good person at the end of the day but when i got to know that he doesn't actually respect women and he has such a shallow mentality i just wanna puke and i just dont wanna talk with him anymore. i feel so bad that my brother is that shallow.and what hurts more is that my parents always takes his side and loves him the most. my brother doesn't even respect mom and dad and always misbehaves but they still loves him more.and even if its his fault i am the one always being yelled at. i just feel so left out sometimes,that what is my place in my family? nobody cares,my parents treat me like hell,my mom beats me and moreover i have a brother who is that shallow.my dad used to be nice with me but now he also misbehaves with me
What's Wrong with me? 18 years or older please?
Out of all my friends I was the last to lose my virginity (at the age of 18) and ever since then I've been wondering if there is something wrong with me. I will get intimate with people that I have only known very briefly and do things that I regret or feel dirty about later on. However, when I'm actually doing those things I feel like I should be doing them and don't even THINK about not doing them (the thought never even enters my mind). Then in very serious or long relationships I have a problem being intimate at all. I hate cuddling for long periods of time (it makes me feel sick) and I even once freaked out and had a large panic attack after sex. Every time I am with a guy (excluding my ex-fiance and current bf of 3 years who also has intimacy problems that differ from mine ) in a relationship and it gets too far emotionally I end up hating the relationship and getting out of it as fast as I can. What may be the reason I am this way?
I grew up in a dysfunctional family, is it really that weird that any talk of family or marriage causes me anxiety?
Wise not weird. For much of life- we kids of dysfunction (scarred and unsettled kids) will return again and again in a search towards healing. I will also add that having an incomplete and painful youth does not mean you should also fail to have a fuller and gratifying family life in the future.Marriage and kids are not for everyone- perhaps not for you. But the legacy does not need to be carried on- at this point- its about you. I certainly hope you’ve built supports into your life and with them comes a refreshed way of viewing the world. Viewing with great courage the nature of your relationships in the past and now will also be helpful as you continue to decide. And I hope to God that oppressive timeline for when you have to do this or that doesn’t spark an impulsive decision- combined with the unbearable hole inside of me- I ended up in a first marriage that recreated childhood trauma. I don’t blame myself- the abusive actions didn’t come from me- but I do know that my decision to marry this man was made by that broken little girl and not by the woman I was forced to become following yet another few years of cruelty.Good luck- that anxiety is telling you something important. Listen closely as its wisdom is for you and you alone to hear.
How does it feel to be sexually abused as a child?
It Kills a part of you from within and leaves you numb all your life .They say childhood is the best phase of your life and no matter how your life turns out as you grow old , childhood always remains the most special treasured memory .Though people who have gone through child abuse are effected physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically.When I started my graduation, I met this girl (now my best friend) and in matter of no time we had a lovely understanding and frequency.Eventually we got very close , I became a part of her family almost . In general she is such a bubbly girl , but then there was something within her she never spoke about. One day I confronted her and then I knew she was abused as a child by a her servent help when she was 3.She spoke about it with a straight face, no tears , no sigh .When ever she and her friend went for playing when they were little , her help would also play with them. He made a deal with them that when ever any one of them dropped a catch (ball) he would take them in the corner and do something that would hurt them down there .The two little innocent souls never understood what was happening with them .. All they knew it caused a lot of pain . Both of them never spoke about it to their parents (they were just 3)Anyway her father got transferred and they moved out of the place with in an year. She realized all these when she learnt about rape , intercourses , reproduction , in her adolescence.When she ended I had tears rolling down my cheeks , she held me close and said it's okay .I never knew how she managed to be Okay with such a thing.She is a student of psychology . (Brilliant at it ) She is very strong emotionally, yet there are times she falls weak .she went through depression ( not the "depression" that people mention for being upset or sad, but the Actual mental depression ) and came out of it all by herself .Yes , a part of her is dead . She has issues talking about her intimate thoughts or sexuality preferences . She is actually afraid of intimacy .Child abuse not only breaks you down as a person , it keeps haunting you and leaves a Deep scar for Life time.