What is one mistake that ruined your life?
I decided I wasn't going to put effort in before I had even started.Now, I might be a bit melodramatic in claiming it ruined my life but it certainly had a major impact on its current course. I am terrified of failure. It comes from being an overachiever in primary school and a bit of a perfectionist. But it's what I define as failure that causes the problem. To me, failure is only unacceptable when I try and subsequently fail. I'd rather have potential than hit a limit.Take 8 year old me in cross-country squad trials. I had been a steady member of the team the previous year. I wasn't anything spectacular but I wasn't bad. At the end of the season, I had a new personal best. At the start of the new season, I knew it would be tough to beat that time. I hadn't exercised much over summer and could barely run the whole course without wheezing (we later realised this was asthma). Instead of running a trial time and making the cut-off for the team, I lied and said I had twisted my ankle. My coach knew I had a good time so she let me on the team. I could've finished the course and made the team properly but it was that minute risk of failure and the overshadowing feeling that I wouldn't be able to top the previous year.This extrapolated to much of my life. I'd rather not put effort in and fail than put in effort. It was like I needed the ability to say “Oh but I didn't try so I wasn't expecting to do well” as an excuse. It took a long time to form a solid work ethic and to motivate myself. I'd like to say that I realised before I went too far but that would be a lie. I didn't put enough effort into university applications and now I'm scrambling to pick up the pieces of my self-constructed jigsaw of a future. But at least I've learnt my lesson.TL;DR: preferred to increase chance of failure than decrease it. This concept backfired.
Petty Theft Record, ruining job opportunities, Advice?
The last job that I had, only lasted 6 months and I went into a job agency today that told me, I had to have at least 1 year of job experience with the same company (minimum) after the conviction, (which happened a year ago) for them to be able to work with me. It's been HELL finding a job and needless to say, I am starting to get a little discouraged, after 3 months of no money coming in. I have my own apartment, I'm trying to go back to school in January, but most employers want me to live in the past and keep throwing my ONE MISTAKE in my face, instead of allowing me to move forward and giving me a chance to make a decent living for myself. I am telling employers the truth about my conviction, and it seems like they like me and my resume, but as soon as they see misdemeanor for petty theft, they immediately turn me away even for Industrial jobs. I don't want to lie, but it seems that I have to, to get ahead. If I tell them that I worked for my cousins limo business, will it work?
Do I deserve to live after making a big mistake which has ruined my career?
Yes.Pt)1: careers can re-build themselves over timePt)2: by ruining your career, you have in no way un-deserved the right to livePt)3: you not only deserve to live, but you probably should, as it is both very healthy for you, but also your family, friends, the economy, and wherever you will work next, because see Pt(1Pt)4: I don’t know you that well, but even if this career was your life-time goal and you lost it, then I suggest you look at and think about the philosophy of “Everything happens for the best”, and adopt it, because there is a reason to why your career is lost, but there are ways to re-build it using this new experience, and reach new heights.Pt)5: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It’s also the worst solution, because you die and can no longer enjoy life. Don’t even think about itPt)6: if all that failed, here, have a picture of a frog doing… something:
How do I gather strength when my one stupid mistake has totally ruined my life and although it is not life threatening, it will destroy my social and professional life and there is no way I can fix it?
Depends on the mistake. But if it is as serious as you make it sound, you first have to accept the consequences of your mistake rearrange your social and professional life to accommodate the new reality. I know of what I speak because I became addicted to child pornography 20 years ago, and now I am a Registered Sex Offender with a multitude of restrictions and rejections by the vast majority of people who learn about my status. This is a stigma I will carry to my grave. I am homeless and live in a van with my dog. That's after living in an $800,000 house in the Seattle area with an upper middle-class life style. But in the past several years I have been given many wonderful opportunities to help others, and my life is just as rewarding as it was before I fell. You have to discover WHO you really are, and live your life based on that inner self, and not the social and professional person you were before. It helps to have a strong spiritual foundation and the ability to listen to your Higher Power. Write a Personal Mission Statement and read it every day. Find and LIVE your VALUES. You will be fine. Most mem in my treatment group found new supportive partners, and are on their way to a productive and pleasant live. You can, too. Minimize worrying about the past, realize that you are ENOUGH, trust in your Higher Power, and move forward. Good luck.
How do I stop dwelling over a past mistake that I believe will ruin my entire life?
I give it to God and let go of it. The past is over and only if you choose to focus on it can it be a problem. Find that when you only focus on what is in front of you, that is reality. Keep your attention on the moment of what you are doing. It is your choice to live in the past or the present. The past will bring you down, enjoying the “Now” is the happy and good experiences.Forgive yourself as we all make mistakes and when you realize the lesson it brought you, you can see how not to make that mistake again. It can become a lesson in gratitude, as that mistake brought you to your experiences now. It was part of the path forward to get where you are at this point. Without that mistake you would not be doing your life as it is. So was it that bad?I was in domestic violence for 30 years, and today I have a wonderful life as I found out how to create a life of unconditional love.
I feel I studied the wrong degree! Have I ruined my life?
You haven't ruined your life. Many, many people end up in a career that has nothing to do with what they originally studied. There is plenty of time to do something else. So, please, relax. Also, career isn't everything. Don't let the rat race try to convince you otherwise. Your writing is high quality and thought out well. You express yourself clearly. You're obviously a capable person, and not an idiot. Everyone is afraid that they're not smart enough, even the really, really smart people. As for problems with teaching, not everyone is cut out for it. Doesn't mean you aren't competent or intelligent. Not everyone is cut out for race car driving or playing the tuba or humanitarian work in disaster zones either. Through work I know someone who used to be a flight attendant. At age 39, she decided she had always wanted to be a lawyer, so she went to school. She's now one of the top lawyers where I live. I'm 28 and only really now starting my studies. I would suggest going around to talk with veterinarians in your area about the possibility of becoming an assistant or technician. Also check with animal shelters, rescue groups, stables, kennels, etc. Fluency in Spanish is definitely useful, and hopefully you can find someone willing to give you a chance. I worked as a vet tech for awhile even though I had no previous education, just a love for animals and some volunteer work in animal rescue. There is time in the future to take courses to eventually become certified, and maybe vet school once your prior loans are paid off. The biggest problem right now is your low confidence. You are capable of making the changes you want in your life. Sometimes the risks are scary, but don't see life as having only one correct path. No matter where you end up, there are always more possibilities, more options. Don't let yourself get stuck somewhere you hate just because you don't believe in yourself.
Did I ruin my life if I chose a wrong career?
Choosing a wrong career (or career path) isn’t going to ruin your life, as long as you find a way to leave it soon enough. We all make mistakes from time to time, and in our younger years we all enter into jobs that don’t pan out for us.What will ruin your life is to persist in that wrong career so that it becomes too late to leave it.