Why don't many guys get offended and call inequality when people say "man up"?
I do. I hate this phrase, and when I hear it I always cringe.I'm a teenage/college age guy, but I do not exhibit many of the stereotypically male qualities. I'm not strong, I don't follow sports, and I tend to lean towards the sappier side of the arts. I like chick flicks, or at least some of them (and yes, “chick flick” is another inherently sexist term that I don't exactaly agree with). I often enjoy poetry, and spend more time writing than it seems a man is “supposed to.” I hate being told to man up. It's offensive to me because it suggests that my idea of manhood, the way I exist in this world, is considered inadequate. It suggests that I am inadequate.As for the reason most guys don't get offended by this, well it's probably because most guys embody the cultural norm that we call manhood. They see themselves as and continuously aspire to be manly men, and so being told to man up doesn't affect them. It doesn't challenge their self image.I believe gender roles shouldn't exist in today's society. We have no need for them. They're becoming more and more inaccurate and obsolete by the day. We live in a time where traditionally manly qualities can be displayed in both men and women. And even other (I don't know all the technical terms for nonbinary genders, sorry). And vice versa. It's time to stop expecting people to be what they're not, and start accepting people for who they are.
Masculinity: How do you feel when you are told to 'man up'?
First, I feel compelled to quote Guante because his poetry on the subject is so compelling that it's stuck with me. After that, I generally dismiss anyone who's told me to 'man up' as having little of value to say on the subject of whatever provoked the statement. "Man Up" is used as a way of telling people to "Shut Up" and that bothers me. It's a way of telling people to "Suck It Up" and deal with their problems without offering any suggestions on how they should deal with their problems. It's a way of saying "You shouldn't be suffering for the simple fact that you have a Y-chromosome and if you are suffering than you're defective" which isn't useful at all. There isn't anything useful in the phrase "Man Up" and the people who use it generally have no idea what they mean when they say it. They're implying a host of stereotypical things without doing anything to help the person they're telling to "Man Up." It's used most commonly to shame someone into performing instead of to inspire them to do so and that bothers me. I grant one exception to this because I'm a fan of Five Finger Death Punch... and I happen to really, really enjoy the song "Back For More" It's time to rise up, man up, get back up, never been and won't be broken Dust off and then come back for more You've gotta reach down, dig deep, and break ground, Show them all you won't be beaten Brush it off and then come back for more!I don't mind that... it's a small part of a much greater inspirational whole. If the phrase "Man Up" was used more commonly in inspirational ways, I think I'd mind it less. The only problem I have with the lyric block above is that I can't help but feel that saying "man up" in the midst of that makes the lyric less powerful to people who aren't men.... none of those traits are male exclusive and I think the lyric would have been fine without it. Still... the song rocks, so I don't complain too much.
Have you ever been told "be a man"? How did it make you feel and how did you respond?
Have you ever been told to “be a man”?Yes, I have been told to “be a man!”Not just me, many girls like me, instead of being told to be stronger and braver, have been told to “be a man!”Stop crying and whining..C’mon, “be a man!”Stop getting scared of insects..C’mon, “be a man!”Stop getting frightened..C’mon, “be a man!”Stop getting offended easily.. C’mon, “be a man!”Stop letting your emotions affect your work.. C’mon, “be a man!”Stop being taken for granted and state your opinion firmly..C’mon, “be a man!”How did it make you feel?I agree that these are all said for my benefit. I have no problem with the encouragement and advice handed out to me. However, the fact that all the above mentioned statements of encouragement are followed by an affirmation that these are all manly characteristics, disturbs me. I feel demeaned- as if, to be strong, is not something that a woman can be while being herself; as if she needs to behave like a man so that she can rightfully display these traits.How do you respond?By being a strong woman.
What does the term "Man Up" imply?
It meansShut up. Stop complaining. Don’t whine about how “It’s not fair” or “What did I ever do to deserve this?” Shit happens.Take responsibility for whatever you can. Everybody fucks up. If you don’t make mistakes you can’t be doing anything worth doing. Are you Jesus Christ? No, didn’t think so. So accept that you made an error. First step to finding a solution is isolating the cause.Leave what you can’t control behind. It doesn’t do you any good to worry, in fact it’s not only a waste of time but detrimental to health. As Robert D Jr. says, “Worrying is praying for something to go wrong.” Don’t rely on other people; let them figure their shit out.Work your hardest to fix the problem til you succeed. Either you’re all in or all out. Make a choice and deal with it. In the Marines, if you ring the bell, you’re done. No turning back. There’s no shame in any decision, only in half assedness and indecision. So do or don’t and if you do you fight until the end.
Why are short men told to "get over" height discrimination? Would you tell a black man or a woman to "get over it"?
Here's an example of common unconscious prejudices: Short outgoing men are called "pushy and annoying". Tall outgoing men are called "confident and assertive". Short flashy men are "over compensating". Tall flashy men are "sexy and successful". Short men with confidence are called "cocky" or even "creepy". Tall men with confidence are called confident and suave. Short men with fashion are made fun of. Tall men with fashion are "stylish". Short buff guys are called "over compensating small D'd chodes". Tall fit men are adored. Anytime a short man is EVER successful, society becomes irrationally annoyed at his success, thinks he isn't "deserving" of it since he's "half a man" (all actual quotes), and they accuse him of "over-compensating". Darned if you do, darned if you don't, if you're short. You're either a bum fat loser, or you're labeled as having a "Napoleon complex" if you have the audacity to succeed despite being short. In work, men earn $3000 more per year per inch above 5'6. 92% of CEO's are 6'0 or above. 94% of employers/98% of female dates chose the taller man when all else was equal. Shouldn't short men be allowed to be "insecure" instead of being shamed for it, considering real discrimination exists against short men? Shouldn't they be encouraged to get leg surgery as it creates equality in the workplace/respect? And would you ever DARE tell a black man or a woman to "get over" or "ignore" blatant discrimination, or to "stop being such a sissy"?
How would you tell a girl to "man up"?
I've been trying to figure this out for a little while now, but what would you say to a girl if you want to tell her to "man up", or to "grow a pair"? Neither of those expressions apply, and I just can't think of any phrasing that would work. Thanks!
"man up and grow some balls"?
I posted in the mental health section about how people walk all over me and when I try to stand up for myself they try to guilt me for doing so. I got told to man up and grow some balls. It made me feel angry. If a woman asked the same question there's no way they'd get the same attitude in the answers. Why is there this double standard that men can't suffer the same as women? and if we are suffering why do we have to just 'grow some balls' and deal with it. I am a man, sometimes I need help and advice, sometimes I need to vent. Why is that so wrong?
Have you ever been horrified when someone asked you to marry them?
Sort of?I’m not sure if horrified is the correct word. Ashamed? Filled with dread? Embarrassed? All of those come close but aren’t exactly right.Let me explain:We had been together for 7 years, and engaged for 4, when I called it off. I recognized that we were better as friends and not meant to be married to each other. Among all the discussions and emotions, I returned the ring.He thought I was kidding. That I’d change my mind.We had already scheduled a vacation — a cruise — to take over my birthday, and as we were still friends, I figured there was no harm in going. It would be a nice “goodbye.”We had them separate the beds back into twins and proceeded to have a great time, as always.Except, on the last formal night, as we were walking through the ship, he stopped me.It was a beautiful view, with a backdrop of the ocean and a nearly full moon. The light rippled on the water as it reached off into the night.He was in a tuxedo and I, a black, floor-length silk gown. (We loved to play dress-up.) I could hear music coming from somewhere on the ship — different kinds blending together to create some sort of low background accompaniment.If I’d been looking for romance, this would have been the perfect moment.Instead, as I looked around, and took in the scene, I started to be filled with a sense of foreboding. I started to get a sense that a proposal was coming — like a bulldozer coming toward me and I couldn’t get out of the way.I wanted to stop him before he got the words out — before he embarrassed himself, and ruined the goodwill we both had felt all week. Somehow, instead, I was frozen to the spot, like a deer in headlights.And then it came — not the sweeping romantic gesture of his first proposal — but instead, a simple heartfelt plea:“I love you so much — Will you marry me?”Tears welled in his eyes as he said it, and mine instantly matched, as I barely was able to get above a whisper my response.“I love you so much, too. And that’s why I can’t marry you.”He collapsed to the railing. “I don’t understand.” He kept repeating that, over and over.I felt deflated. Horrible. Terrible.Probably one of the worst emotions I’ve ever felt.
Is it sexist to tell a man to "man up"?
The expression "man up" refers to bravery which is the most prominent behavioral expression of male testosterone. "Woman up" would refer to being nurturing, the most prominent behavioral expression of female hormones.As a species we are wired to place hierarchical importance on our respective levels of male and female hormones. We are programmed to consider men and women who present behaviors associated with higher levels of their gender's sex hormones as superior to those with lower levels. But because we have consciousness and have historically learned from the damage that viewing other human beings as inferior or superior causes, we as a culture try to emphasize the importance of overriding these animal instincts. We are still working out the kinks necessitating the need for various human rights movements including movements to recognize that women are not inherently inferior to men.Because the expression "man up" implies that a man is inferior because he is not acting manly, the expression could be considered stereotyping, but it's not discriminating or showing prejudice because there are no severe societal penalties for men who don't show high levels of testosterone.Using the term "woman up," implies that a woman is inferior because she's not acting womanly in terms of being nurturing could be considered sexist in societies where there are severe penalties for women who don't exhibit strong womanly qualities.When women complain that the term "man up" is sexist, they really mean that it implies that the person using the term believes that human beings are inferior to one another based on inherent qualities. It's a common or colloquial but not particularly accurate use of the word sexist.