What happens if you stop talking for a year?
When I was a child, I stopped talking for about a year.I didn’t consciously decide to stop talking — it just kind of happened. The crazy thing is that no one noticed, which was probably because I was a quiet child to begin with.I didn’t go completely silent — can you imagine how hard it is to live that way? I answered people with mostly grunts and body language.I think the main reason why I was able to go a year (more or less, I wasn’t actually counting) without actually saying anything is because of the Chinese word “嗯”, pronounced like how you might say “n”. It’s like a Chinese “hmm”, but also means “yes”.Another reason might be because I have a really expressive face. Lol…As for what happened as a result of keeping silent?When I finally did speak, I didn't sound local. I spoke in a weird way. And it wasn’t like I had an accent — I just didn’t know how to speak. And I can’t quite describe it. I was out of practice for too long, I suppose.I’ve had people ask if it resembled the Deaf Accent, but it doesn’t. It’s not as if I couldn’t hear people. C’mon, now.As a side effect, since I had gained most of my vocabulary from reading, I didn’t pronounce certain words right. At 16 I realized that 'guinea pig' was NOT pronounced 'genie pig'. That was a shocker.I probably still mispronounce some words, but there’s no other way to find out other than the hard way of embarrassing myself in front of my friends.So what actually happened to me other than speaking funny and butchering the pronunciation of some words?I have to tell you that I honestly don’t know. There’s probably a psychological aspect to it — even now, for brief periods of time I get too comfortable keeping silent and it’s hard to speak, and when I try to my voice gets caught in my throat.But they last for days tops, so it’s more of an inconvenience than anything, really.
What should I do to make my parents stop talking to me everyday? I know they love me a lot, but I just don’t like to talk, especially for hours at a time. It’s frustrating. How do I make them understand this without breaking their heart?
I am an Indian girl, and I live abroad for work. Me and my sister both live away from home, so my parents are also in a similar situation as yours. You would know the worries of Indian parents when both their daughters are living alone in unknown cities. Only yesterday my mom freaked out when I didn't reply to her watsapp messages at 10 am in the morning (I was in a meeting) In the 30 minutes she didn't get my message, my father called me thrice, my sister pinged me on FB a dozen messages saying "call mom, shes freaking out again" . I am also in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend-and he also wants to Skype for an hour every day. Like you, sometimes I just DONT WANT TO TALK. But I do talk. Every single day. I recently got laid off from work due to budget cuts, and I have 2 months notice to search for a new one . I didnt tell my parents because they would freak the hell out. Every day I talk to them, laughing and joking as if nothing has happened. They ask me about work and I tell them everything is Awesome (with a capital A). I talk to my bf when I would rather apply to jobs and study for interviews. It is hard. But I take a deep breath and plunge into it. Talking to your loved ones shouldn't be so hard , some might say. But loving is not easy. Its a commitment. I make an effort-even when I'm not feeling so sunny I behave as if I do. The more you retract yourself, the more will your parents yearn for a connection. All they need from you is an assurance that you are safe and happy. So give it to them. Having come to adult life you must have realized that they must've had a hell of a difficult time , navigating life and bringing up a child. It must've been hard for them when they had a bad day in office and you wanted to go out for dinner to a fancy restaurant. It must have been hard for them to be there for you when THEY wanted to sit in a corner of the house and just stare at the ceiling. I'm not trying to appeal to your emotions(God knows it never works with me) - I am pointing out that there are somethings you need to do because you have the power to make people really happy and really sad, and you just need to man up and choose the tougher path.
My parents are always fighting, what should I do?
My parents had been fighting since I was a kid. I am 23 now and they still argue every single time. As a teenager, I know there was nothing that I can do. So I made the decision to go to boarding school during high school and now I am studying at oversea university just to get away from them. Don't get me wrong, I love them very much but constantly being in the middle of a fight, I just can't take it anymore. My brother is 13 and I am really glad that he is going to boarding school. It is his own decision and I actually feel sorry for him because I had to left him when I was in high school. We are very close to each other but I had never talk to him about our parents. I'm just waiting for the good time and I believe at these age, he can handle serious discussion. The only peaceful moments that I had at home are mostly the time that I spent with him without my parents. We love to go out just to eat ice cream ,went shopping or just watching cartoons at home. I really miss him. Back to my point, being away from my parents and house is really working for me and I enjoy not having someone arguing with each other 24/7.
It's been 7 months since my parents had a word with one another. They live in the same house but they don't talk. What should I do?
It's really unfair that you have to live in a situation like this, I'm so sorry. Can you find a trusted adult, such as a friend's mother, or a teacher or counselor at school, to talk with about this? Do you have a good support network of a few close friends? Please know it is not your job to fix your parents' marriage, nor is anything they do (or fail to) your fault. Take care of yourself, find joy in other aspects of your life, earn money and start socking it away in a savings account. Volunteer. Ride this out till you're 18 and graduated from high school, as best you can. If you have a good relationship with your parents separately, ask them individually to spend time with you. Ask Dad to take you out to a movie. Ask Mom to take you shopping.When you're a teenager (maybe you already are) please don't seek escape from this situation by turning to drugs, alcohol, skipping school, or getting too romantically involved with a boy or girl. Keep yourself busy with healthy activities.Edited to add: I'm shocked and disappointed by the Quorans offering suggestions for how OP should try to "fix" this! She's a child, that is NOT her job!
How do you bond with both parents when they are divorced and each one is totally convinced that the other is crazy, evil, and out to get them?
Um, yes, first of all, you're in a big club - the one no one talks about.So, you need to do exactly one thing, and it's extremely difficult.Don't let them talk to you about the other parent. Ever. Teach your siblings this rule. It's actually the #1 rule of divorce from the parent's side: leave the kids out of it. No one betrays one person by being friends with another. That's absolutely ridiculous. And you REALLY are not betraying one of your parents by talking to your other parent - they are both your parents. You have that relationship with each of them (like it or not) independent of their relationship with each other.In some healthy families, you don't have to worry about this at all - the parents want the kids to have healthy relationships with their parents. In other families, even when parents feel deeply maltreated, the parents can contain their rage at the other parent enough to ask a few civil inquiries and then stop talking about that and talk about something else. But in your case it sounds like your parents are obsessing and just can't stop themselves. So you have to make a rule, and it has to be a strict one: no talking about the other parent. You may have to leave them in the middle of dinner a few times before they understand you're serious. For example:Mom, I am no longer going to talk to you about dad, at all. If you continue to talk about dad in my presence, I'm leaving the conversation until you can stop. Don't we have ANYTHING else to talk about? Do you not do anything else with your life? What else is going on? Have you done anything fun recently? Read a book? Tried a new recipe? Did [sibling] say something funny? And the answer to "no I never do anything but sit around and go down the rabbit hole of rage and grief that is my divorce" is Well, then we should do something fun together. Do you want to go see a movie. What looks good?(She will of course accuse you of not doing this same thing to your dad, to which you will say, "First, that's not your business - my relationship with my dad is between him and me. But second, of course he has the same rules. I have no idea what either of you THINK you're doing, but you're both driving me away from you. I need to stop this with both of you. I'm sick of it. It's your divorce, not mine.")
How do you stop the gut wrenching pain after your wife of 12+ years leaves unexpectedly while you are at work?
I'm 45 and have loss both parents unexpectedly to death but the pain that I feel now that the woman that I have loved for so long has left me. How can I stop this gut wrenching pain from controling my life. I walk in the house and I just start crying my eyes out because I don't see her on the patio waving at me with her lovely smile. Everything that I look at from the coffee mugs that we had coffee in every morning to the bed, decorations that she hung and placed around the house, everything makes me so sad. I had no idea that she was so unhappy, at least to the point of sneeking away. I've talked to her on the phone and she says that it is not another man, just that she didn't feel loved. She stopped drinking 5 months ago and since then she went on a health kick and I didn't. I love her with all of my heart and would do anything for her. I have no family or friends, 2400 miles from where I grew up and no money. I just don't know what to do with my life, I am so sad, the saddest ever.