Do divorced couples ever get back together?
My husband is starting proceedings on the divorce, but I really don't want it. I am going to agree to it, but I just wonder if there is still hope to win him back after the divorce. I know that he cares about me. We have 3 great kids together. I know in a way he still loves me. How do I win him back?
I am four months pregnant and on the verge of divorce with my newly married husband!! All we do is fight!?
Having been a married mother to a man with mental issues and a single mother, I can reassure there's much less stress in being a single mother. Nevertheless, some of this is being pregnant. I was angry for 9 months straight. One day I blew up and had a full blown tantrum because he didn't make the bed. He hadn't made the bed in five years and it had never bothered me, but that morning I knew that he was lazy and irresponsible and I was destined to raise this child on my own. It was a hormonal blast. Some of it is that you are seeing a problem that you've been in denial about and you are worried about how it will affect your child. You need to understand that his alcoholism was not caused by you, cannot be cured by you and cannot be controlled by you. Nagging won't help. Having a drink with him will make it worse. You're now on the wagon for the remainder of your life (or the remainder of your marriage, whichever comes first). What will help you is finding a support network. Join a group for new mommies since you'll want their advice and help when the child comes -- La Leche is great about this. Join Al-Anon, a group for families of alcoholics so they can help you deal with it. Join a church. Befriend your neighbors. You need people there for you and alcoholics, while drinking, are not capable of being supportive regardless of how much he may love you. Alcoholism clouds his mind. If he hits you, he will hit you again and harder. You must have a zero tolerance for violence, to protect yourself and your child. Not all alcoholics hit, but enough do that you need to be prepared and know how you will react. This is hard at any time, harder when you are dealing with the hormonal rush of pregnancy. You can make it work, but it will be very difficult. Good luck.
Husband brings up divorce every little argument, I am getting tired of his threats, should i start divorce?
My husband always, always jumps to maybe we should get a divorce every single time we get into any argument, no matter how big or small. I have told him that he tells me so often, there must be some truth in his words and might want a divorce, but he always says he is just saying things and apologizes. I am really tired of his threats. We have two small children and he says these things in front of them. I am starting to feel like maybe i should file for divorce since he brought it up again yesterday because i cleaned the whole house and i forgot a hot dog out and some fruit flies we have been having trouble getting rid of were standing on it. I got upset because out of all my hard work, all he could notice was the single hot dog and he was acting like a jerk over it. I told him how i felt and he was really quick to say that maybe we should get a divorce and that i should as a friend of mine who is also divorcing right now to help me get the process started. I couldn't sleep last night because i was so furious. I told him this morning that i would bring him the papers, and he started acting like nothing had happened, then he said that he was going to apologize, but then he didn't. I am really tired of all of this, he also says that it was a mistake us getting married because he is African and I am Mexican; that he should of married an African woman. I am really hurt by all of this. I am alone in the area we live in and our kids love their father. I don't know how much more of this i can take. Help
I love him so much it scares me. We're both going through a divorce and I'm constantly worried he's going to go back to his ex, even though he swears he loves me. Is this normal?
Thank you for reaching out. You are normal. Having said that , you are living in fear and not in love. You cannot control others and especially not the universe- sometimes we as humans have a tough time seeing this at first. Loving someone and being scared at the same time is ego. It’s about self-love and accepting what is and what will be in the future. It’s about having faith in the process and being grateful with the situation at hand. Worrying is not beneficial to your mind , body or soul. You need to be concerned with yourself and not with someone else’s actions or their future. You cannot control it !! You can only control yourself- that is why worrying is useless and negative. What if he does go back to his ex ? What then ? You shouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you anyways ! Right now you need to focus on you and building your self-worth. When we love ourselves so much that the love is pouring out of us, we do not worry or feel the need to be loved or validated by others. It is about us and only us - Furthermore , it’s not about what people say , it’s about what they do ! Action is everything and words mean nothing if not followed by action. Please read this answer 4 to 6 times and you will get it - much love and blessings.
Spouse keeps threatening this?
Any time my husband gets upset with me he says he wants a divorce and tells me he is done with me, or asks me when I am moving out. We have been married five years and have had so many problems during that time. He knows this hurts and upsets me and later will come back and say he didn't mean it, but it leaves me terrified that he wants to end it. I have told him to stop saying he wants a divorce just because he gets upset about something but he keeps doing it and it always results in me crying and worrying myself sick. I dont want a divorce for any reason but sometimes i wonder if he really does because he keeps saying it. He most recently said he wanted a divorce last night after yet another argument, and then later came back and said I was being upset for no reason and that I know he's not going anywhere. How can you communicate with a spouse who always uses the threat of divorce to shut you up? My worry is one day he will say he wants a divorce and really go through with it!
How can I stop my divorce from happening?
Ask her why she doesn't want to get back with you. I'm pretty sure that she thinks that history will repeat itself and that after some time you'll distance yourself from her again and eventually get divorced. You've made her feel rejected and insecure. So she's going to be afraid to take the risk of getting back with you. You both need counselling. You need to talk about your problems and find solutions. But first you'll have to convince her to take counselling also. The most important thing is that you need to be sure about what you want. Relationships don't just happen on their own. They need a lot of understanding, maturity and conscious effort from both partners. You can only make a marriage work if you enter it with the mindset that divorce is not an option. So before going back to her make sure that you're dead certain that you want to be married to her all life long. After that you need to put your ego aside and literally beg. Only then her faith in you will reawaken. She will need to see that you're certain and 100% committed to your decision. Hopefully she'll say yes and you guys will work out your problems with a counsellor's help.
Was this sodomy? last night me and my bf (we live together, he is 37 and im 26)?
It's one thing to have a fantasy about being raped, and one thing to play it out with the person you love and trust, and another thing entirely to have that person violate that trust in a brutal way. These kinds of fantasies can ONLY be played out in a secure, loving relationship where the couple has agreed on boundaries and a safe word that will make the action stop immediately. The very fact that you were crying should have been enough to make him stop right then and there. Yes, you were raped. And my advice would be to call up a women's health counselor who you can talk to about the event and work through your hurt and fear about it - all of which is very justified.
Why do I keep getting into relationships and then leaving? I got divorced two years ago and I have reverted back to an old behavior pattern of getting attached to a woman, then, when things get really serious, backing away and breaking up.
Shoot, you and I should compare notes and find the perfect answer to staying consistent with your girlfriend and how to not back away and break up with them.Although I am young and never been married. I would like to, someday, I wouldn’t mind, and I honestly have no idea if I should. My brain is a whirlwind when it comes to being with a girl. So when things gets serious to like she’s “the one” for me, I have backed away nice and easy. Really only you can answer this question, maybe you have been friends with her for so long that you like being with her, which in your mind isn’t equal to; Forever.So honestly, I don’t have the reason of WHY you do what you do. Maybe between you and I, were just not built for the whole forever stuff, we like her, flirt with her, but can’t be with her? Sheesh. I know it sounds crazy but we just don’t know what we want yet. And were gonna figure it out soon. I’ll be doing stand up soon on my sad love life, maybe you could laugh at it someday when you found Mrs. Right.