How do I deal with a mother who thinks she is always right, and everyone else is wrong?
I have met such type of people before. I have listened to them blather on to how redheads are least effected by sensations of pain (which is true, but trying to be augmentative about it or a “know it all” about it (family), puts a halt to good listening and communication.A person (you) probably can’t be wrong all the time and neither is it probable that your mother is right all the time.I have a “right-all -the-time people in my family” too.Even thought the person is highly intelligent and likely to be right most of the time. It used to drive me out of my mind. (my husband argued with science professors in undergrad years).I start tuning “I am always right” people out when they are going on about how right they are, and put boundaries and distance between myself from them (until they calm back down), because what matters with family is not that you parents are right, but that you are treating each other right. Your mom is also modeling behavior that is annoying and invalidating people to people.(Unless she is teaching school or lecturing to a class).If you feel like you can talk to her, you can tell your mother in your own respectful way that she is “righting” herself out of good communication and good relationships with you. You will be expressing a feeling verbally and pure feelings are not right or wrong, only really stubborn people will argue how you should feel.Note: This situation may need a family counselor. Your mother has a right to have have feelings and opinions, but she does not have the right to make people in the family miserable. She will probably be resistant to going, see if you can get help from another adult in your family if she won’t go.
Stepdaughter issues please help?
Because she was drunk her thoughts and judgments were drastically altered and I doubt she has any sexual feeling for you it was the alcohol talking HOWEVER I would be extremal concerned about her and her actions when she's not home, she is only 14 years old and if she was like that with you can you imagine what could have happened has she been some where else? There are some SICK and demented individuals out there that will take advantage of a little girl and she's lucky! She needs some special attention and you should let you wife know of this immediately so that the both of you can address her actions. Okay now things have shifted A LOT... Did you say that you can't the the thought of wanting to sleep with her out of your head? SIR you need to take a step back and think about what you are thinking and saying, SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER although she may not be biologically she IS and she is only 14. Do you ever think of sleeping with other 14 year old girls? You need to seek some therapy immediately because there is nothing NORMAL about the thoughts going on in your head. You are suppose to be her FATHER snap the hell out of it!
Annoying, egotistic, unhelpful mother. How do I deal with her?
usually when people reach a mature age and are still acting with such immature and insensitive behaviour, it means that theyll never change. that is just her personality. my mother is also like that and although i used to think 'one day shell change, one day shell realise that shes not always right', she never has, shes never made an effort to change and still thinks shes right every time. to be honest its gotten to the stage where im just putting up with her until i can afford my own place. its sad because its like they dont realise that their behaviour is making us so resentful towards them. ive given up on ever having a friendly relationship with my mother because shes always convinced she knows better than me. they act that way because in their head, theyre truly convinced that they know best and that they have the right to decide for others, when in fact theyre only thinking about themselves. they are control freaks. when i fight with my mother, my opinion is always contradictary to hers and the second i say something that goes against what she thinks, she shuts down and walks out on me in the middle of me talking. she literally punishes me for having an opinion. im like, wtf i didnt realise that this household was being run like the chinese government lol. even though your mother doesnt sound very supportive of you, remember you need to stay true to yourself. dont focus on pleasing your mother, people like that will never be pleased and they are always looking for the flaws in everything. live your life according to your truth, dont let your mother's toxic words affect you. her problems arent with you, her problems are within herself and she is projecting her hurt at you. its especially painful when its coming from your mother because your mother is someone who should nurture you and never hurt you, and here she is letting you down. take it from someone who has a mother just like you. i hope you make it through, its a struggle.
When a multilingual person is thinking, what language does he/she hear in his/her head?
I grew up bilingual, became trilingual at age 12, and a polyglot by the age of 16. I get asked this question a lot and it is sometimes difficult to backtrack and remember that tiny bit of information. You see, when my eyes read something in one language, I presume my brain processes that information in the same language. I know though that when there are gaps in the process, my brain will switch from one language to another to fill in those gaps. I am no scientist or psychologist and am speaking purely from experience, but I know this for a fact.How?Because it’s the same process that happens when I am speaking.For simplicity, I am going to call the languages L1, L2, L3, L4 and L5 to show consistency.I noticed that I think in the same language as the speaker and naturally respond in that same language L1. There are times, however, when that language L1 fails me, so my brains automatically switches to another language L2 and I might even utter something in that language L2. (In this day and age, so many people around me are bi- or multilingual and the conversation continues without interruption.) But, while the verbal utterance might come out in a different language L2, my brain is still cyphering through the languages L3, L4, switching back and forth L2, L5, until it comes back to the word/phrase missing in the original language L1. I know this because I hear myself speaking, am aware of the awkwardness when I am at a loss for words (pun not intended), and notice the person in front of me nod or shake their head in comprehension or total loss.It’s easier with speech because I am thinking and speaking at the same time. With thoughts, I am thinking on two levels; thinking about the subject and thinking what language I am thinking in. And that’s more challenging.Now you probably want to know what language I dream in? That question actually hit a mark many years ago while I was traveling/working abroad. I made a serious effort to jot down the language I had spoken when I awoke from my dream. Funny enough, it was a different language every time so that was inconclusive. I continued the effort and decided to not only note the language, but also the people in that dream. My dad was in my dream when I spoke Arabic, my mom German, my siblings English, my friends French and Spanish. Do you see where this is going?Conclusion: It depends on the language the people in my dream are speaking.Isn’t the brain an incredible organ!
How do I forgive my mother for hurting me repeatedly, when she doesn't think it was wrong? I broke off contact, but I crave a relationship with her.
This question is very timely for me right now.Two days ago, I spoke with my mother on the phone after almost three years of no contact.She was physically abusive during my childhood and mentally and emotionally abusive throughout my adult years.There’s an example in Kittie Eubank's answer to What's the worst thing your parent has ever said to you?In 2013 I decided enough was enough, and I cut her off.There is no room in this life I have created for someone who only sows negativity and hurt.She tried to contact me a few times over the years and I blocked her. That didn’t stop her from showing up in my dreams, though.I knew that being estranged from me was very painful for her. She doesn’t understand it at all; she thought we were close.Even though before I cut off contact I tried several times to talk to her about specific instances of abuse, she never could see that she did anything wrong.It was always my fault - I was being selfish. I took it wrong. She did it for my own good.So why did I call her two days ago?She texted me, about a week before that. She said she was sorry for everything she ever did to hurt me.There was no guilt-tripping or finger-pointing. Just an apology and a request to reestablish a relationship.After much thought and seeking counsel from people I trust, I decided to reach out and give her another chance.I have firm boundaries in place, and if she crosses them I am prepared to break off contact permanently.But if she is in a place now where she can be a part of my life, I will accept that.It will never be the same. I don’t think I can ever trust her. I don’t look forward to speaking to her again. She will never understand the harm she did.I called her for her, not for me. But that’s okay.So for you, OP, I would say….You can forgive your mother by letting go of the active resentment for what she did to you.Holding onto unforgiveness only hurts you - it doesn’t affect her at all.However, even after you have forgiven, you must be careful to guard your heart. Don’t let her into your life if she brings more negative than positive.It is hard. We want to have mothers who love and support us. Sometimes, though, they are incapable of doing that.Surround yourself with people who bring you joy, who lift you up and love you.Forgive your mother because it will release that tight ball of resentment writhing in your gut - you don’t need that.
Future mother in law doesn't like me cuz I'm black HELP?
You cannot control how she feels, nor can your fiance. All you can do is concentrate on your love for one another and building a strong marriage. You also cannot force her to attend your wedding, but I think when she gets her invitation it might be a good idea for your fiance to sit down with her and have a talk. He should let her know she's welcome if she decides to come, but that if she raises a scene, she will be escorted off the premises immediately. After all, she's still trying to get him back with an old girlfriend when he's engaged to you. It is then up to her whether she comes but she knows that misbehavior will not be tolerated. And if she chooses not to attend because of the color of your skin, I feel deeply sorry for her. She's the one who's going to miss out the most, and it will be her own darn fault. In spite of those faults, she did raise a great son, though, didn't she? I wish you and your fiance all joy in a long, strong marriage.
My boyfriends mother hates me now that i have a lip piercing..?
It is your lip and your space to do with it what you please, she is his Mother and I would guess that the appearance of the lip ring is something that just isn't her piece of pie. Hey don't take your ring out, it is her disappointment, not yours, so know that the relationship between you and your boyfriend's mother has changed, relationships do that in life and you can't please everyone so you try to please yourself, as often as possible. God Bless.
Issue with sex, mom and Dad.?
Yesterday, the subject came up and my mother suddently asked me if i was having sex (which i am, with my boyfriend of over a year...) i froze, she looked me in the eyes and continually said "You promise me you're not having sex?" finally, i said "no"...she was so disappointed in me. She's a really strict born-again christian, so i thought she'd flip...she came off really supportive etc. for a while, i figured i'd keep it a secret, because me and her never had a good relationship and i thought she'd freak out, and her reaction shocked me. She cried a lot that night though, and got no sleep. Then today, she was more mad at me than upset, she screamed and cursed and said "i'm having sex because i'm angry with her and dad." and "i'm angry with God." which is not the case... She's telling me, i need to go to counseling with the pastors or repent and get my virginity back...but i'm not sorry..... why is she bashing me on the head with a bible? She also told the pastor about this....she said "it's between her and God, not so much you." then that pastor, told another pastor....and the other pastor told my mom "you have to tell your husband." and my mom is brain-washed clone, who thinks that everything the pastors say must be done, it's unfair. she's also threatening to tell my dad, she says "i'm not keeping your father in the dark" she says either i have to tell me, or she will....... i thought i did the mature thing, i was honest with her, we have a terrible relationship, I was hoping she'd be loyal to me and she'd respect that i was honest with her.... my dad will kill me, obviously she cares about drama (it seems like she loves drama!) and the church, more than me and my feelings & trust in her. What can i say to her & what do you think about this?
My mother called me ugly and it's hurting me. I love my mother more than anyone else in this world but she always makes remarks that hurt my feelings. I showed her a picture of me that my friend took and she said I'm ugly. Should I just let it pass?
No, no, and then, hell no. Do not pass go. And don’t get your $200.Shame shame shame, on your mother, for such, hurtful, hateful, harmful, cruel, and DESPICABLE BEHAVIOR. She is not worthy of being called a mom. FULL STOP.If you’ve noticed this, others have too! She is the person that needs help. Pure EVIL, SHE IS…….But you need the help the most, for the way she has treated you.Have you discussed this issue, with your friends, teachers? If not, YOU MUST. It is imperative you seek counseling. A Dr., or teacher, a friends mother, a neighbor? For YOUR MENTAL WELL BEING. Please please please, tell someone, SOON.It sounds like their isn’t a father, in the home. Do you have a relationship, with your dad? It, too, sounds like your mother is resentful, of this fact. She is angry, and she is taking it out on you.You cannot go through life, resenting your mother, for her childish behavior. You are being BULLIED..YOU know it, SHE knows it, and now QUORA knows it.Someone, anyone, out there, THIS CHILD NEEDS YOUR HELP. I would take this brave child in. Unfortunately, I don’t have any information. So my child, take this to an adult, you can trust. Perhaps someone in authority, at school. Show them, you are being mentally degraded in your home. Show them any other answers you have received.NO ONE SHOULD EVER BE BULLIED. NEVER!! Especially in the home. Your mom needs help. You need help. Why she is punishing you, mentally, is reprehensible. FULL STOP. But you must find out. Now.I’m sending you my love. And many hugs and kisses. YOU MATTER TO ME, AND IM SURE ALL, THAT GETS A CHANCE, TO READ ABOUT YOUR PLIGHT, “YOU WILL MATTER”, TO THEM!!SO, GO FORTH AND CONQUER, your MOM’S DEMONS, and Your dreams!!FONDLY….Chris
Am I depressed, sick in the head, or just going through a phase?
Sweetie, you know, it really sounds like your family has alot of problems and I am sorry that they are all sucking you into their own problems...Now that you are 18 though, is there a way, do you have the means to get out and get a place of your own...??? I honestly think that the sooner you are away from all of the craziness, the calmer and more relaxed that you are going to be.You sound to be a very sweet young man, someone who has his head on straight. I agree with the previous poster who said that you need to start thinking and getting your family stiuation straight in your own mind. They are your family, you can not change that. Try to accept them for who they are and for where they are at ....You may not know all of the reasons that parents and family members act the way they do...But try to love them as best you can, and then, move on. You have one very positive in your life and that is your girlfriend and your friends. Hang on to them...They will be your best support through this all. And, no, I don't think that you are schizophrenic just because you have difficulty coping. Family problems are the hardest problems of all to handle, because they are there up close and personal and you have to see it and live it every day....I do find that you could use a boost of self-esteem and confidence in yourself though...Start by giving yourself some positive affirmations and do not listen to the negativity when it pops up in your mind....Replace those negative thoughts with more positive self-talk. Sweetie, it is not always going to be like this, difficult like this, once you get out on your own into the world and spread your wings, things will start to look up for you....When you can finally make your own choices and feel good about yourself, things will change for you. I truly believe that...In the mean time, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I wish only good things for your future my friend((((HUGS))))...Linda XXXOOOXXX