Hi Sir I Am 24 And I Am Dying To Join Acadmey.people R Saying I Should Not Play Cricket Ad U R Over

I am a dropper. This year I couldn't make it to the JEE Advanced (got 101/360). I don't have the guts to tell my dad my score. What should I do now? Is suicide an option?

I'm a dropper too. My brother cleared JEE Advanced last year and he's now studying in IITK.I got 178 marks last year in JEE mains and got 166 in JEE Advanced but I didn't got admission anywhere.When I decided to drop this year I thought I would easily get under 1000  rank. I joined distance course of resonance. It was going well first few months but after that I felt lonely. And I started to feet scared every time I thought about JEE exam.I started to get more and more scared and finally I was depressed. Scared even to touch books.I had so many fights with my family about my studies especially my father. I was so convinced to end this painful life. It looked so easy. Just few minutes of pain but endless peace after that.The girl I used to love also hated me so there wasn't any reason for me to live.Then I started thinking about meaning of life but couldn't find anything good. Suddenly I realised that how big the universe is and how insignificant our lives are. I decided that my life is my own and I'm not going to waste my life listening to what others want me to do.So I stopped things that make sad or scares me and started doing things that make me happy.I stopped studying for exams and played guitar, painted, played cricket all the year.Now I'm ready to face anything life throws at me because my life is my own and I don't care about anything. And I know I can live it my way. The worst scenario would be that I may not have anything or I may become beggar but that would be OK. I can live with that.