How long should you feel guilty after moving on from a relationship?
Guilt is probably the most useless emotion we can feel unless it prompts us to do better next time. Even then, use it to learn and grow and drop it ASAP.What in the world is the point of feeling guilty? Does it change anything? No? Then why give into it?If you decide to move on from a relationship, leave the guilty feelings also. It’s not in your best interests.If your boyfriend is “torn up,” that is his responsibility to get over. Respect him enough to trust him to be able to do that. Honor yourself enough to know you made the right and responsible decision for yourself.Few things will steal your happiness today like guilt over things that occurred in in the past. Don’t let it.
Should I feel this bad for breaking up with my boyfriend?
Basically you should sit down and think about it until you reach some kind of conclusion. Think about what you want from him, what he wants from you. The things you wish he would do, and vice versa. Try to understand why you felt dettached. And also you can always change things within the relationship. With 3 years with him I am sure that you now the majority of this already. But it seems as though deep down you arent sure if you want to break up with him, or at least thats how I read your post. My advice: Go to dinner with him and talk to him. Let him know what you want from a relationship, and what exactly you arent getting from it. By all means if it turns out that you actually are not in love with him any more than you are entitled to make yourself happy elsewhere. If he is trying to change something maybe you should let him. The biggest issue in my relationship was I hadnt prioritized my life and I let a game consume most of my time. Perhaps the two of you arent getting the attention you need from each other and you may need to talk about that. One last thing, people change. Not always drastically one person may change while another does not. Both people can grow and change together or they may even change in such a way that they grow apart. And after 3 years of being together I think the question to ask is how could you not feel something after breaking up? Hope it helps, -B
Staying in relationship because of guilt!!!?
I have been with the same guy for 5 years. We are both in our mid 20's but he talks of getting married and having kids. Of course i want to some day but not with him. Every time we are together we fight. He calls me nasty names and then says its my fault he gets mad. I dont do anything except go to work 40hrs a week and then i have a night class once a week. He accuses me of all sort of things. I cant even have girlfriends to hang out with. Now here is my dilemna. He is from Jamaica and doesnt have any family left here in the states. His mother and two sisters are in Jamaica so he feels lost. I try to be there for him but obviously its not enough because of how he treats me. I want to leave him so bad but he makes me feel guilty. he always says that no one cares about him and he should just kill himslef. If i leave him, then he will really be alone. Please help, i dont know what to do. On one hand i know i need to do things for myself, but i have a huge heart and feel guilty. Help!
Do people ever feel guilty about breaking up with someone?
Any human being that feels a modicum of compassion will feel guilty about breaking up with someone, sometimes incredibly guilty.They will feel guilty even when they have no reason to feel guilty. They will feel guilty even when they have given the relationship every chance to grow, progress, and get back on the right track. They will even feel guilty even when their most fundamental needs (emotional and physical intimacy) have gone unmet.Much of this guilt, I believe, is borne out of the social narrative that love must last a lifetime—that once you commit yourself to someone, you don’t go back on your word. Look at the absurdly narrow criteria society typically accepts for divorce: physical abuse. The message this sends is that the only time it’s acceptable to exit a relationship or marriage is when you are in physical danger. That’s just so messed up.Staying in a relationship to defer guilt is insanely selfish. So we tell ourselves lies to justify doing psychological harm to another. He/she couldn’t get along without me. He/she is a good friend—I should learn to make do. If I break up with him/her, people will think badly of me.All of the reasons we stay in a bad situation are rooted in selfishness, but also cowardice and disrespect for one’s partner. Staying with a significant other out of obligation, to avoid feeling guilty and looking like the “bad guy”? Unacceptable. Having unwittingly been on the receiving end of this, I can attest that it’s the biggest abuse that I have had to endure, and the most profound transgression to forgive.
So, I want to move out of my boyfriend's house and live on my own. I still love him and I don't want to split up but I feel like I'm choking here and I don't want my moving out to seem like I'm no longer interested in our relationship. Advice?
The real issue is not the effect of a move-out on your boyfriend but WHY you feel you are choking there.Is it the physical apartment/house which is causing you distress? Are you at a point where you need your privacy and just aren’t ready to share all aspects of your life? Do you need some physical separation to better understand either yourself or the relationship? Perhaps both? Is there something else going on?Since you aren’t married and don’t mention being engaged, the logical thing would be to have a calm talk with him to explain why you are planning to move. While everyone hates the old “It’s not you, it’s me.” if that is the case, explain to him that you feel that you need time to mature, grow, prepare for a life with him in the future, whatever.I would point out that I think you’d be making a smart move. Years ago I read that people stop maturing at the point of marriage - they often stay the same emotional age. Now that was decades ago and I don’t think it holds as true now but I do think that it can take longer to become the person you might become otherwise.You know the reasons for feeling that you are choking while living with him. You have the option of moving out, you’re not married to this man. You have no contract. Do you think he will view your move-out as a break-up? Apparently so which is why you asked the question.I suggest you and a friend look at other places where you could live so that you know what your options are. That way if the talk doesn’t go as you would like, you have a safe fallback immediately because he may tell you to leave.You’re going to have to tell him that you feel you actually aren’t ready to be living with someone or at least someone you love and with whom you are intimately involved. You will have to tell him that you still want to be his girlfriend and you have to do that before he can present an argument or a negative reaction.I assume that you moved into his apartment. Did you replace a roommate? Is there going to be a financial cost to him if you move out? Is that going to make him angrier than the fact of YOU moving?Did you move in with him too soon? Were you caught up in the romance of it all? If so, tell him that you need time to grow as a person so that you have more to bring to the relationship. Tell him you love him and want to continue to date and to hang out together.If you stay when you feel you are choking, how will you feel in 5 years if you stay?
Would they be better off without me?
Would my friends and family be better without me? I feel bad all of the time and everybody is telling me i always have a worried and guilty face. Would money be better for my parents and my sister wouldn't have anybody to blame for her and her boyfriend breaking up and him not taking care of their daughter. Im 14 and so different from them all. My sister always says everything is my fault. my mom flips out on me for small things even if i try to never be home. My best friend wouldn't have me to worry about my dad wouldn't have child support i wouldn't be a burdon. I feel that way a lot. Ive been thinking about running away and suicide almost all the time now I used to cut. then i went through "treatment" and it didn't help because i still want to cut. even right now. I always try to be positive but its hard with my messed up family. I dont want to sound dramatic but that really is how it is. i think they would be better off. everyone would be.
Everytime I break up with my boyfriend he cries and tells me that he can't see himself without me.?
I really don't know what to do...we argue a lot, everytime we go out we fight ,he drinks and gets in a bad mood,he is 36 and he is very Handsome,everywhere we go, girls stare at him ,even ask me if they can take a picture of him..I don't know why he is so insecure I can't even go on business dinner's without him getting upset.he moved in with me after 3 months to complete the mess..how should I break up with him ? I feel like I'm in prision, I can't go for drinks with my friends, I can't go anywhere without him. I never cheated on him, but I'm always getting acused of doing it!I don't need to be going out every weekend but once in a while it's just healthy for me to hang out with my friends...rrrr I'm frustrated...please... how do I break up with him?