My biological mother wants to meet me ?
Dad had me at 18, but my biological mom gave me up to him & moved away with her parents. She broke all contacts with dad, so we had no clue where she was, neither was I interested. Dad did his high school & eventually went to college. When he was in his early 20’s & working, he met my 'to-be' step-mom, whom I adore & look at her as a big-sister figure, she’s like just 15 yrs older than me. Dad married her & it’s been 4 years, now I’m a big half-sister to my 2 y/o twin half-brothers. Yesterday, dad came to me came to me telling me that someone wanted to speak to me over the phone, I took the call and it was my real mom. I was heart-broken, I asked her where she was all my life & she tried to explain the situation 15 years ago, but I didn't find her reasons for taking the 'toughest decision in life by abandoning her ex-boyfriend & her newborn daughter' valid. I got to know that I have a 5 y/o half-sister from my mom’s side & she told me that, the day my half-sister was born, she couldn't stop thinking about me. She now wants to meet me, but I was too upset I put the phone down & went to my room crying. Mom got really upset but my step-mom, told her that she’ll try to make me understand. It was definitely a touchy night; my dad was in an emotional state too. My step-mom hugged me & asked me to give mom a chance & go meet her; at least I can also get to meet my half-sister…. But, I just don’t know what to do ?
How to contact a biological father that you've never met before?
The first step in a case like yours is not to use the phone. A conversation like that would be awkward for both of you. He may have a family now and it may be embarrassing for him to have to explain who you are. You should write him a brief to the point letter. Explain the reasons for contacting him. Take time to write this letter, leave it a couple of days, and then re-read it. Make sure it's what you want to say. Don't go into unnecessary detail, just give him the basic facts, and include a phone number. That way, the decision to talk to you is his. Chances are that he will be happy that you want to talk and all will go better than you could ever have hoped. Good luck. I can imagine that this is a huge deal for you.
Should I contact my biological (deadbeat) father?
I think that you should make the effort to contact him, to satisfy your curiosity, and so you don't always wonder "what if?". You should at least give him an opportunity to answer for himself, as you may not know the whole story. If he turns out to be a complete jerk then you can walk away knowing you made your best effort. He may be afraid to contact you or he may assume you are beter off without him. I spent many years being very angry with my Dad for walking out on me and my Mom when I was 2, and giving her no support and rarely contacting me. He had a severe gambling problem, was very antisocial and after leaving my mom he quickly became the blacksheep of his family. It was all very hard to take. I finally spent some quality time around him the summer after I graduated from high school and got to know him a bit more. I still resented him terribly though. It was not until many years later, when my second born son was diagnosed with Autism, that I truly began to understand my Dad. As I learned about my son's condition, I found striking paralells to my father. Now I know that had he ever been formerly diagnosed, my Dad would have been considered to have Asperger's which is a high functioning form of Autism, that causes folks to struggle severly with social situations and interpersonal relationships and to tend towards very addictive behaviors, making regular relationships near impossible. My Dad has since told me that he really did believe I was better off without him. And the more I know him, the more I know that to some extent he was right. He is not a "kid person" and growing up with him would have been very hard. But the relationship we have now as adults, although limited at times by his choice, is still very worthwhile to both of us! I am glad I know him, and in truly knowing him I was able to let go of my anger and resentment and any doubts I may of had about my own self worth in relation to his chosing to leave us. So for your own piece of mind, not for money or revenge or joke, contact your Dad and try to know him. If he lets you in it will be a true gift to both of you. Best Wishes.
How do I contact my biological mom? I am twelve years old.
This depends on where you live. I cannot say. Laws vary depending on where you live. I am sorry if things are not working out for you.Try doing an internet search. Most places require that you be 18 before you contact your biological mom. If things are not working out with your adopted parents, contact another adult that you can trust, like a teacher or a school counselor.Good Luck.
My biological mother doesn't want anything to do with me how can a mother feel like that?
I'm 17 and adopted. I found my biological mother on facebook and finally worked up the courage to send her a message. After about 2 weeks I hadn't heard back so I sent her another message because I wasn't sure if she got the first and I just wanted to know if she just wasn't responding or what was going on. She finally sent me a message back saying I needed to stop contacting her because she didn't want me disrupting her life and she put my adoption behind her a long time ago and I needed to do the same. I don't even understand why or how she could do that. I've never really had too too many problems with being adopted (some but not like this) because I always figured my mom did what she thought was best but now I feel like she just didn't want me and still doesn't. How can some body be so cold to their own flesh and blood?
Is it a good idea to meet up with my biological mother?
Ah....a fellow adopteee! I was adopted @ 6months, and opted to seek out my birth family when I was in my early 20s. My birth mother did NOT want to meet me, which was disappointing. (talk about double-rejection!!) However, I did meet a 'full' sister, and found out lots of stuff. This IS your mother- meet her! You'll long for a face in the mirror- a resemblance. You'll get answers as to 'why' this happened. It won't weaken any relationship w/ your adoptive parents!! They are the ones who were there for you, so don't worry about that. As you are older, and want to have children, it may be important that you have physical information,etc. YOU set the boundaries, don't let her get invasive or overbearing. (suddenly wanting to be Mom?) Yes, it is scary! But it is part of who you are and it never goes away. You're lucky she wants to meet you....perhaps your adoptive parents could be with you when you meet...and do it at a public place so there are no territory issues. Wow! I am excited for you....it could be very cool. You can accept and end up liking these people, which will ADD to your life! And if you don't....nothing lost, but the truth will be gained. The truth is always 'right.'
When adopted children make contact with their biological parents, what are the chances that they will be welcomed with open arms?
I know someone who had a very happy reunion with his birth mother. Of course he didn't go looking for her until he was in his late twenties and after his adoptive mother had died, so there was a different dynamic there than in some reunions. They live in different cities but he and his family visit her for a week once a year and she visits them for a week once a year, everybody is friends on Facebook, etc. And she skypes with her grandkids pretty often. It's been about 15 years since they met, and things are still going well.He and his bio mother aren't super close. She's more like a cool extra aunt he happened not to meet until he was 28 than a substitute mother. He had a mom already. She might be dead now but she raised him. I know a lot of other stories where adoptee reunions did not go as well as that. But in this case it went very well.There is, however, some ill feeling between his adoptive father and his bio mother. When he and his wife were planning on buying a house, his dad gave them $7,000 towards the down payment. His adoptive parents have never been rich.His bio mom heard they were planning to buy a house and promptly cut them a cheque for $40,000. She has plenty of money and no other kids to spend it on. His father felt like the bio mother was trying to buy his son’s affection. There have been times like Christmas and birthdays where my friend has had to ask his bio mother to tone it down with the lavish gifts, especially to the grandkids.
Meeting my biological mother for the first time after being adopted?
I was adopted at the age of 4, because my biological mother couldn't cope due to drug/ alcohol problems. At the age of 17, I wanted to meet my mother and come to terms with everything that had happened, so I decided to meet my biological mother for the first time after being seprated. She had been keeping in contact with my mother who adopted me for quite a while, sending her photo's and writing letters to her about how I was doing in my life. My biological mother would say how much she missed me, the truth was I missed her too, that's why I wanted her back into my life as she had gotten her life back on track, was married and had settled down. So, in August 2010, I met my biological mother for the first time again.. I had got to know her and was shocked at what kind of mother I actually had. I'd told her how badly I had reacted to being adopted as I got older and how hard I found it, she told me to "stop being such a drama-queen" there also came a time when, she'd send messages to my partner telling him I lie and I'm a nasty person, she'd send pictures of me to other people without asking me first, she'd swear at me and tell me how she was going to slap me, when staying over at hers trying to rekindle our relationship, she'd get angry at the fact she'd have to wash clothes, cook for me as she wasn't used to the responcibility, as her husband did everything for her, as she'd sit on her laptop all day and smoke cigerettes. She'd get angry at me, saying how she thought she felt like a mug around me because she'd have to cook and wash clothes, she said this made her feel like "my slave" she told me to "get out" of her flat and called me a *****. I'm actually heart-broken at the way she's treated me after being away from me all the years of my life, she claimed she missed me so much and when she got the chance of being my mother again, she'd throw it away again and again, until i'd had enough and decided to shut her out of my life for good, what do you think of her? why is she like this? wouldn't any biological mother be so pleased to see their son/daughter after being apart from them for half their lifes, why would a mother act this way towards her own daughter?
How can I bond with my biological dad if my mom doesn't want me to have any contact with him?
There is a reason why your biological dad is not in your life. What is that reason? Do you know it? Do you know it to be true?You might have a desire to connect with your biological father, yet if there is a barrier, it could be put up in order to harm you (meaning you are being deceived by your mother) or to protect you (meaning that you could be harmed in the process of bonding).You sound as driven to find and bond with your biological father - and there is another set of questions to answer. Does he know you exist? Does he want to have a relationship with you? How badly will it affect you if he rejects you outright?Only you can find out the answers to all these unknowns. If you are under the care of your mother and you are a minor, you can still pursue your relationship with your biological father once you are an adult (so your mother’s permission won’t be needed) - I know you’re hoping for the best, just make sure you are prepared for the worst.