How can I stop looking for validation from women?
Really hard.My friend is a girl and she looks for validation from guys. She graduated from one of the best universities in Australia, has a good job in Sydney and she still can’t get over this problem.I think you should have more experiences with girls and try to step out of your style in treating girls.I used to be mr nice guy too but honestly not many people appreciate just a nice guy.You need to be interesting, funny and a living person as well not just look i can treat you like my goddess.You need to accept that women are also human and they can think you are terrible but you are not.Here’s a non-fiction story. My maths teacher in high school told me in the first 5 minutes she saw me “you will have trouble with girls with the way you are now. Too immature and you still don’t understand anything much about life. Do yourself a favor and meet various girls and change the way you approach them at each time”I was like “i should be studying????? got no time for that?”She said to the class “that’s how you end up telling a girl “i’ll die for you” “Very embarrassing but it was good advice.In Sydney I joined various student clubs and went to random meetups all by myself. Sometimes i pretended to be 28 years old (I am 22 this July) and said I was working for as an engineer for some random company (it’s a dream for now) or sometimes I’d say I’m working for my dad’s company and I am 25. Most of the times, I just say flat out that I am still a student and I am 21 years old.Depending on who I am talking to I change the way I treat them.I met a few girls I really liked from the start and I was nice to them. They turned out to be really good as well and we are still best friends. I dated one of them.I met a few girls who were really pretty and I pretended to be this arrogant guy and some of them liked it so much they asked me “if we date from today, can we get married one year later?”Truly no words can help you. Please just try to meet more girls and suppress your passive nice guy instincts. Girls or people in general these days know all too well that there are so many nice guys in the world but they want someone interesting at the end of the day. Pretend its acting class or social studies and keep trying.Eventually (i hope) you might reach, ah well everyone is human and as long as i love myself then i’ll be all right somehow.
If I build my self esteem, will I stop seeking validation of my worth?
I see it this way: Genuine self esteem, feeling of self worth is a result of knowledge of the true self, your true self. Self esteem develops naturally as you discover who you truly are. It is like finding something out by experience, that something simply is true in the sense that you have experienced its truth first hand. (When you know it, you know it, so you don’t have to get it validated from somewhere else) So.. you don’t need to invent self esteem in any way.. genuine self esteem is not something that can be built with things external to you, it is something that already exists, yet might be unrealized by you at a certain point in time and that you can realize it more and more. Having said this, if you feel building your self esteem genuinely makes you more happy, then keep going.. this means in building, you are actually discovering what lies within more and more. I just tried to clarify the concept a bit.When we reach a certain level/depth of knowledge of our true selves, the need to seek validation for our worth decreases, even disappears, because we directly know from experience that our innate nature is the experience of completeness, of unconditional love, of awareness. This happens in a process of awakening where we awaken to the depth of this more and more and can share from this level of awareness. Our desire to seek validation naturally lessens because we are already fulfilled from within, from the awareness of the love that we are, from the awareness of the love that flows from within our spiritual hearts. For me, this desire comes and goes as I go deeper into this experience of self knowledge. I can say this need to seek validation, the trend for this need to arise is a decreasing trend with respect to self knowledge/the knowledge of unconditional love/how much you are established in your focus on unconditional love within your life.Update: I want to add that in deep meditation where you are highly aware of the love within, the need to seek validation is not felt, and even if felt at the surface, the experience of this love shows that it is enough to fulfill us and this desire for fulfillment from external sources can be let go of.
How does one stop constantly seeking approval?
By focusing on yourself, accepting your flaws and caring less about what others think.Read --> How To Stop Giving A Fuck About What People ThinkYou don't need a therapist, psycho therapist, counselor or any such nonsense some people may suggest. You simply need to practice doing things without seeking validation beforehand, and practice it often. Practice being an independent thinker and putting your own feelings first. Be a little more selfish and put yourself first instead of worrying about what he or she will think if you do . Whatever "it" is. Be OK with your flaws and weaknesses, they make you a part of who you are. Be OK with who you are, what you've achieved, how you look and so on. Perfection is delusional and it's not required.
How do you validate yourself after suffering narcissistic abuse?
Charlie Brown must learn and grow:The term validation means to recognize/affirm your emotions and opinions are worthy.After being abused by a narcissist (Covert).At day zero I was oblivious to what hit me. I just felt the bricks of the wall falling for once over my head. All what I felt was anger, fear, and denial. After reading and searching for my closure that I never had from her I knew later on that I was abused by a narc.Trying to cope with the pain is the biggest challenge you will ever have at that time. Counting the number of injuries and wounds at the mental and psychological level are outnumbered.One of the major keys to surviving a narcissistic abuse is to regain your original self that you used to be long before the(Lucy) came along to punish Charlie Brown.Charlie Brown must know that he has to grow up, must learn that in this life no one is going to offer you help unless you help your self. Charlie Brown must learn that people will treat him the way he treats himself because Lucy will do what she does best and act like a pain in the ass and she will never change. the worst news is that the world is full of lucies and Charlies and you can never change that.Go in no contact, block everybody, yell, scream, let it out, run, jump, do whatever it takes to feel good. Change into what you deserve to be.Do not stumble again in front of the selfish self-absorbed wounded ugly child that had some issues at his/her childhood. There is a lot of the world outside to chase and love again.Write your anger down on papers, go out with new friends you will see how good you are, you will realize that your goodness deserves much better people and you worth more than that.Give love to your self, pay attention to your needs. Because soon you will know what is real love and respect instead of giving love to a black hole full of cold selfish feelings. And stop thinking of them. Feel sorry for them and move on for good, they do not deserve your time and suffer.When the havoc of pain is over your self-esteem will come back to you after it was coldly manipulated. One day you will look back and laugh because you took your lesson and you're stronger than everWhat does not kill you only makes you strongerThis is the true validity that you deserve from now on.