What are some subconscious defense mechanisms that avoid pain?
《DEFENCE MECHANISM TO AVOID PAIN》Repression :Repression involves placing uncomfortable thoughts in relatively inaccessible areas of the subconscious mind. Thus when things occur we are unable to cope with now, we push them away, either planning to deal with them at another time or hoping that they will fade away on their own accord.The level of “forgetting” in repression can vary from a temporary abolition of uncomfortable thoughts to a high level of amnesia, where events caused the anxiety are buried very deep.Repressed memories do not disappear. They can have an accumulative effect and reappear as unattributable anxiety or dysfunctional behavior. A high level of repression can cause a high level of anxiety or dysfunction. Although this may also be caused by repression of a particular traumatic incident.Repressed memories may appear through subconscious means or in altered forms, such as dreams or slips of the tongue, ‘Freudian slips’Example:A child who is abused by a parent has no recollection of the events but has trouble forming relationships.A woman who found childbirth particularly painful continues to have children ( and each time the level of pain is surprising)An optimist remembers the past with a rosy glow and constantly repeats mistakes.A man has a phobia of spiders but can not remember the first time he was afraid of them.A person greets another with ‘pleased to beat you’ ( the repressed idea of violence toward the other person creeping through )Repression is also called as motivated forgetting and is a primary ego defence mechanism. Repression is unconscious.When we deliberately and consciously try to push away thoughts, this is called suppression .In Freudian terminology , repression is the restraining of a cathexis by an anti-cathexis.It is not all bad, if all uncomfortable memories were easily brought to mind, we would be faced with a non-stop pain of reliving them.
How do you recover from emotional avoidance and start feeling emotions again?
What is over IS OVER….one has to start afresh.That is Life.
He lies a lot and has anger issues, but other than that, he's a very good guy...?
He lies about small things, then I'll ask him to swear on it, and he does so...until he realizes I caught him in a lie. I've mentioned it before, but it doesn't change anything. We've all lied, whether it be about small or larger things, but this is CONTINUOUSLY and I'm getting tired of it. Also, when we argue and he gets annoyed...he gets VERY angry. I know that he would NEVER hit me. He just hits objects around him ie. a bed, wall etc. he apologizes afterwards and I don't have a problem with the anger issues, it's more the lying. Even when I know the truth, he'll cover it up with a lie, then cover that lie up with another one and then admit to lying after a while but all it does is cause arguments. Like I said, I would never leave him over his anger issues, that could be solved and I don't fear he would hit me, it's the lying that's bugging me.
Sometimes I feel absolutely depressed and then I talk myself out of it and reassure myself that I'm just over-exaggerating. Is this back and forth behavior indicating something about me that I'm unaware of?
From what you are saying, the reason the depression keeps coming back is probably due to some deeper (emotional ) unresolved issues that needs to be voiced and heard and allow yourself to come to terms with painful experiences. It's human nature to avoid pain and the mind doesn't distinguish between physical and emotional pain, it will just avoid it, but allowing yourself to face emotional pain is like exercising, it's painful to begin with but has many health benefits and you become stronger. This is where psychotherapy helps or even openly talking things out with a trusted friend/family member. A psychologist is trained to help you identify, and overcome any defences or avoidance and work it through. They usually are non judgmental and help you face uncomfortable and difficult emotions.I hope this helps, don't be ashamed to seek help and find resources to help you overcome the depression, there is so much available these days and you can succeed. You don't have to go through this alone.Ps. I just read your question again, try not to tell yourself that you are over exaggerating, you mind is trying to tell you something is wrong and your mind/emotions need to be listened to, not ignored.
Can mindful activities (like meditation, yoga) make people emotionless or close to emotionless?
Mindful activities like meditation and Yoga increases your level of awareness. It doesn't make you emotionless or nowhere near it. Do not try to run away from your emotion. If you are feeling something deep like a heart break..try meditating..it will not work. Only when your consciousness level goes up would you understand your purpose, the meaning of your life, you feel love for your near and dear ones. You have no time to waste on anger or hatred. The emotions are positive and is a driving force to achive great things in life.So for now work on building yourself, join a yoga class, try to understand life and what it means for you and embrace your emotions.Ciao
I saw my ex again, now my repressed feelings have returned. What do I do?
Remember why you broke up. Seeing your ex again can often remind you of your positive feelings but the reasons for your breakup will undoubtedly come up again if you get back together. If it was a recent breakup it would be best to have a no contact rule between you so you can move on. It is hard to move on if you see your ex, and easy to remember the good times and forget the bad ones.
How do I forgive a narcissist who abused me, lied in court, and now has residential custody of our daughter?
You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for. We might pressure ourselves or other people might pressure us to forgive. Possibly feel guilt, shame and many conflicting emotions. We try to repress, pretend it isn’t as bad as it looks, put on a happy face or fear our anger because we were around angry people who use it to intimidate and control us.Recovery is very much about reconnecting back to how we really feel, having a voice and expressing something even if no one likes it, to stop seeking approval from anyone, to live the way that works for our lives.You do not need to forgive immediately if at all. If you do forgive, it’s for yourself and not out of guilt or shame, putting the abuser’s wellbeing on top of yours. Put yourself first.Healing is a process, sometimes those who rush through it, end up using temporay unhealthy coping mechanisms, like avoidance or repression. Denying themselves the real emotions they are feeling, be it resentment or hatred.These are all taboo misogynistic social conditioning that is unnatural to our psyches, it can be worked through in a self-loving non-judgemental way. What is repressed becomes permannent illness, many autoimmune illnesses are the result of trauma, not to mention our mental health will suffer.You are safe, you are free now, you will heal in your own good time. No one is rushing you.Give yourself time to heal properly, no more musts or shoulds, you deserve to feel how you feel when you feel it. Honour yourself, sit with everything, ask it what is it telling you?Without anger, you won’t know when your boundaries or principles/values are violated. Anger is more motivational than guilt or shame. We can alchemise it to create the life we want. I know I did.Every time you’re angry, sit with it, feel it in your veins, let the fire flow through you, you’re a volcano queen and it is your lava.Is it telling you to never accept the acceptable again? Is it telling you you want a mutually loving relationship, sick of all the chaos? Is it telling you, you are sick of pretending you’re OK, repressing and soldiering on, shoving all your emotions within?Give yourself permission to feel how you feel, there is no wrong or right, all emotions exist to teach us something.All things start from self-love, give yourself much praise and many treats, you deserve it! When you’re ready, forgiveness will happen, there is no timeline to healing, no train to catch or watch to beat.Namaste. Many the angels watch over you.